Who We Are
by kotorqueen
Summary: Post KOTOR II - Atton finds himself tracking down the Exile with an unexpected ally. A new journey awaits them, but could it be the end? Complete.
1. Chapter 1

"So you really don't remember me?"

Atton watched as the petite woman carefully scrutinized him. She tilted her head side to side, and narrowed her eyes when she met his.

"No," she simply stated, her round blue eyes turned away from his.

"You know, I heard about it, but I never quite believed it. But trust me, if the whole thing was made up you wouldn't forget me."

"Oh really? Were you that terrible? Did I have to force choke you?"

He snorted as he took another shot of Alderaan Ruge, "Nah, you weren't into that kind of stuff. And besides, terrible doesn't even begin to describe it." His face leered into a crooked smile at her.

She wrinkled her nose at him, looking into her own glass, she ignored his comment, "It's just frustrating, you know? That seven years after the fact and I still can't remember everything."

Atton swallowed another shot, "Can't be that bad, right? Not everyone gets the chance to forget being Dark Lord of the Sith."

Revan's eyes flashed with anger for a moment, "Well yes, but that's not all of it. I mean I don't remember my childhood, any of my original masters, or anything, really. Everyone thinks the Jedi Council saved me, but I think they did a damn good job at getting their revenge."

"Revenge?"

"I kill half their order, and so they destroy my mind beyond repair. It's never been a way out for me, like so many people think. I still struggle with remembering things that happened a year ago. It wasn't a once and done thing, and I think they knew that."

Atton pressed his lips together, unsure if another drink would put him over the edge. "Then how did you know to find me?" He motioned for the bartender, who already had his next shot waiting for him.

"Because she sent me."

He choked down his drink, "I know."

Revan's eyes darted around the cantina for a moment, "You have anywhere where we could talk, you know...privately?"

Atton nodded and grabbed his trusty ribbed jacket. He threw some credits down on the bar to cover both of their drinks. Upon standing he realized the extent of the alcohol's effects. He took a careful step forward, looking to Revan who gave him a nasty smirk.

"Trouble holding your liquor there, flyboy?"

"Nope, no trouble here," he assured, "besides, I drank twice as much as you. I'd like to see you stand straight after that much alcohol."

Revan couldn't help but smile, "I'm also half your weight, I think if I drank as much as you I'd die from alcohol poisoning."

"There's only one way to find out," Atton looked down at her body. Her head came up to his chest, but her bones stuck out awkwardly, giving her a razor sharp appearance.

She took a step to the side, "Little obvious with your leering there, flyboy. I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate it."

"Leering? At you? That's a laugh. I don't think you even have anything to leer _at_."

"Well you wouldn't know that unless you were leering."

Atton rolled his eyes and attempted to swat her on the shoulder. He was off though, and ended up getting his hand caught in her long dark hair. Untangling it, he rolled his eyes as she began to laugh.

They rounded a corner and he opened the door to his apartment. He had taken up residence there shortly after she left, knowing that all he had was pazaak and drinking. She said that Kreia told her that she couldn't take anyone she loved when looking for Revan. Despite his best efforts, she left without him. His face turned to stone as he remembered the note she left him, archaically written down on a piece of paper. After a few tries, his hand found his pocket and he fingered the paper, as he usually did when thinking of her.

She had grown distant before she left. He could see it in her eyes that she was forcing herself to stop loving him. She stopped hugging him, kissing him, and sleeping with him. Both literally and figuratively. By the end, she had stopped sleeping altogether, trying to make a decision. He saw the war waging in her heart, and in the end he wasn't enough to make her stay.

Atton had tried to convince himself that he was okay with it. He never was worth much, he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up in the first place. But that was her fault. She, who not only forgave him for his horrible past and trained him to become a Jedi, also truly loved him. Why would he expect her to consider him?

Before they left, Mical, Bao-Dur, and Mira had all tried to convince him that it was for the best. But they all believed in that Jedi scrag. _You guys care too much about each other. If one of you were to die, the other would surely fall into darkness_. They might've had a point, but it didn't matter to Atton. He found someone who saw past him, who saw beyond his past. She had been the only one he told, and she still loved him. He wasn't about to give that up.

But he didn't have a choice. He didn't know when she had left, but it was at some point during the day while he was out. He came back to their apartment on Telos only to find the note and a lightsaber he had seen her tinkering with during their entire mission. Atton had always wondered why she never used it, but on that day he realized it always was for him. When he had first become a Jedi he used a spare lightsaber that they had on board. It wasn't much, and she must've realized that.

He hadn't had any chances to use it, nor his Force capabilities. He pretty much shut them out when she left. He didn't need it anymore. He wasn't about to go out and save the galaxy without her. Atton packed and left for Nar Shaddaa to do what he was best at: drinking and pazaak.

His fingers still ran along the delicate edges of the paper, his mood had significantly soured. Revan was eyeing him the whole time, suspicious as to what he could possibly be thinking of that could affect him so greatly.

"So Revan," he began, "why is it that she sent you instead of coming herself?"

She narrowed her eyes, "First of all, don't call me Revan. I killed the last person who called me that. You probably remember him. Tall, bald, ridiculously annoying."

"Ah, yes, Malak. Great guy, knew him during the wars. He was pretty sweet on you, as were most of the troops."

He noticed her cheeks flush for a moment, "Please," she rolled her eyes, "I doubt anyone even saw my face behind that mask. I'd still wear one, but I'm sure everyone would assume I'm some evil overlord again."

Atton smirked, "Only the best saw behind your mask."

"Remind me again how I know you? Or rather you know me?" She said while crossing her arms.

His lips twisted into a grim smile, "Yeah that's not something I talk about. Too bad you can't just remember me yourself"

"I'd like to think that I know who I'm going to be travelling with," she narrowed her eyes, 'No offense, but I don't trust you. How am I supposed to know that you're not about to kill me in my sleep?"

"Travelling with? Why don't you explain what's going on here before I even consider killing you in your sleep. I know she sent you, but why? What happened to her?"

"Natalya's okay, I think."

"You think?" He exclaimed. This was already starting off well.

"Yes, I think. She met up with me about a year ago. As I'm sure you're aware, I've been fighting the Sith beyond the Outer Rim. I had a dream one night, but I know it's one of my only real memories. I had to follow it, and things were going pretty well. I'll spare you the details. Natalya was on a simple mission. She left with a few soldiers, preparing to track down and intercept a message intended for the Sith."

Atton bit his lip nervously, "What happened?"

"I haven't heard from her for over two months. She said she wasn't expecting any problems, but something must've happened. When she first found me, she told me she was one of my generals during the Mandalorian Wars. Again, I'll spare you the details, your mind is probably moving pretty slow after all of that alcohol. Anyway, she told me that if something ever happened to her that I should find Atton Rand."

"And so you came to tell me yourself? Couldn't have gotten a lowly lackey to do it for you? Who's even watching over your armada?"

"I had to come see for myself who this Atton character was. She never shut up about you. Anyway, I thought it would be hell to track you down, but the Force is always at work. I ran into a friend of yours, told me you were probably on Nar Shaddaa. Drinking. You can probably figure out how the story ends."

Atton shifted uncomfortably, "Did you send anyone to find Natalya? What could've happened to her?"

"No, our troops are already spread pretty thin out there. I wasn't about to risk losing everything just to find her. I must admit though, she was a powerful ally. I figured I'd grab you and use whatever bond you have with her to track her down." Revan looked at him squarely. Their eyes pierced each other.

"She's probably dead by now," he muttered, "Great, I'm so glad I let her leave. I knew she was going to go and yet I didn't open my stupid mouth because I was going to let her make her own damn decision. And now she's missing in the Outer Rim! What a stand-up guy I am. What, you think that because I love her I'm about to go traipsing around the galaxy with the former Dark Lord of the Sith? Nope, ain't happening, Rev."

"Shut up, Rand. If anything, it's my fault I let her go without the proper research. It was an important mission and time was of the essence so I let her go. She's not dead. I know she's not, so you can stop the whole pity party."

They stopped for a moment in a staredown.

She smirked, "I brought the _Ebon Hawk_."

"And that's supposed to make me trust you?" He said despite the small smile that grew on his lips.

"Hey I don't trust you anymore than you trust me. And apparently we know each other, or at least we do if you've been telling the truth."

He rolled his eyes and smirked, "Yeah we _knew_ each other. Alright, I'll go with you. But only because I don't have my own ship and you at least have a clue as to where she'll be. Don't get any ideas though that I actually want to spend some quality time with you."

"Don't worry, the feeling is mutual. Somewhere in my skittish brain I thought Natalya would actually choose a decent guy," she exhaled through a small smile, shaking her head, "Meet me at the docks tomorrow morning, and try not to be too hungover."

She stood to leave, but Atton intercepted her at the door.

"Oh no you don't, Rev. Wherever Natalya is, she could be in danger and I'm not about to waste precious time _waiting for morning_."

"First of all, don't call me Revan. Second, you're drunk. And third, a minute ago you weren't about to come with me at all," she muttered, trying to push him out of the way.

Atton laughed at her failed attempts to move him, "Okay, but I'm going to call you Revan anyways, _your Lordship_. And I've flown ships much drunker than this, especially the _Hawk_. And don't worry your pretty little destroyed mind about my reasoning. We're going. Now."

She opened her full lips to protest, but before she knew it he hauled her over her shoulder, leaving the apartment.

"Okay! Okay!" she cried out, "We can leave now, just put me down!"

He settled her back onto the ground, not bothering to wait for her to catch up with him. He heard her brisk footsteps behind him as they headed to the docks.

"I can't believe I came all this way for_ you_," she muttered behind him as she caught up.

"And I can't believe I'm leaving this brain dead planet _with you_. Hell, I never thought I'd see you again after the war. Or at least I'd be dead if I did."

"Ah, so it was the Jedi Civil War? Hmm, you were on my side? Hey, you're not still a Sith are you?" She said, swinging her arms lazily. She knew he wasn't, but it was fun to tease him.

"I told you it's not something I talk about," he muttered, catching a glimpse at her out of the corner of his eye.

"You're the one who brought it up," she said, snarkily. Atton snorted slightly.

"Shut up,_ Lord Revan_."

Her lips almost formed a pout before a smile crinkled onto her face.

"Just try not to kill us getting off this planet," she sneered, hurrying in front of him into the docks.

"Wouldn't dream of it," he muttered under his breath. He sighed and caught up with her, reminding himself that he was only doing it for Natalya's sake.


	2. Chapter 2

The_ Ebon Hawk_ lifted off of the dimmed dock of Nar Shaddaa. Atton spun in his chair to face Revan, who was standing by the star map behind him. The scene vaguely reminded him of when he first left Peragus with Natalya. That felt like a thousand years ago, although it was only over a year ago. It was a very long year, and he was hoping that this venture with Revan would end this lost year. He was ready to be reunited with Natalya and get the hell away from everything and everyone.

His thoughts were interrupted by Revan, humming to herself and fiddling with the map, clearly ignoring him.

"You want to tell me where we're going?" He asked, leaning back into the pilots seat.

"Ziost. It's a Sith planet in the Outer Rim. Very, very cold, you're lucky I remembered to bring an extra outer robe with me." She replied, turning her head to face him.

"And why are we going to Ziost?"

"It's where we last heard of her. She transmitted a message from there about two months ago. I know what you're going to ask and no, it wasn't much of a message. She was just checking in. I told her to keep in contact because I knew the danger of her mission, and we were going into it blind." Revan's hands dropped to her sides as she walked over to the copilots seat. Atton spun to face forward, focusing on bringing the_ Ebon Hawk_ to hyperspeed.

After things had settled, Atton turned his head to look at her. She sat there simply, something on her mind. She stared blankly out at the whirring stars, hugging her knees to her chest. For one of the first times in his life, he saw Revan as a normal person. Before she had always been in a position of leadership, but now she was relying on him, no armor or masks. It was her, and he couldn't remember ever seeing her like this before. She looked truly tired, her face betrayed her despite how hard she was trying to keep herself together.

"So how did you even get to Nar Shaddaa in the first place if you can't fly a ship?" He asked, snapping her out of her daydreams.

Revan scrutinized him carefully, "I had a pilot take me to Telos, where I picked up the _Ebon Hawk_ from Admiral Onasi. He brought me to Nar Shaddaa. And I have an astromech with me, he watches the ship whenever my pilot is sleeping. Travelling is difficult with two people."

"Even harder by yourself, but I guess that's what caffa is for. Wouldn't happen to be a T3 unit, would it?" Atton asked, grimacing in memory of the whirring noise of T3-M4 constantly around the Hawk.

She watched him carefully, "In fact, it is. I bought him back on Taris before the Sith bombed it. T3-M4, he's seen me through a lot of trouble and still somehow managed to find me again."

Atton ignored her, it was just his luck that he would be hurtling through space with a snarky Sith Lord and her droid. "So what happened to Onasi?" he sneered.

She furrowed her brow, "What do you have against him?"

"Oh nothing, except that he helped Natalya leave. Even took the _Ebon Hawk_ from her while she was gone. I guess she knew that if she gave it to me I'd come after her. So where is he now?" Atton watched as her face turned into something echoing sadness. She looked away from him.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said, standing, "I'm tired as hell, anyways. I'll take the portside dormitories, you take starboard?"

He nodded, "Just like old times," he said with a small grimace. Revan ignored him and turned to leave the cockpit.

Atton remained seated there for a short while, trying to sort out his thoughts, especially considering how much everything had changed in the last 24 hours. He never would've have guessed when he entered the cantina earlier in the evening that he would soon be back on the_ Hawk_, tracking down the woman who meant everything to him.

But before long his own weariness overcame him. He tracked down T3 and told him to watch over the controls while he went to sleep. He greeted the starboard dormitories with a sad laugh, his old bunk waiting there for him. Once more the scope of how long it had been since he had slept here twisted violently out of alignment. In the darkness he could almost hear Bao-Dur and Mical's steady breathing, but the cold silence broke through. He was too tired to consider it for long. He stripped down to just his pants, settling into the bunk that he was once happy in. That was what he was missing now. Happiness.

Atton awoke sometime later with a start. He sat up straight in his bunk as he heard quiet footsteps enter the room. He peered out into the dark, barely making out a silhouette crossing the room.

"Revan?" He ventured. He meant to whisper, but his voice came out in a sharp hiss.

"Yes, it's me. Go back to sleep," her voice was a delicate whisper as she climbed into the bunk next to him.

"What are you doing in here?"

"Just go to sleep Atton, we can talk tomorrow." Her voice sounded almost as a plea, which nearly scared Atton straight. He got the hint and didn't ask anymore questions. Confused and slightly worried, he went back to sleep.

He awoke the next morning, his head pounding in every possible location. It only worsened after he sat up. He rose from his bunk and realized that he was alone. Not sure if he dreamt last night, he stumbled into the ghostly main hold of the _Hawk_. He heard T3 whirring near the engine room, meaning Revan was probably in the cockpit.

Atton made his way in there, stopping at the entrance as he caught sight of her outline against the copilots seat. Her knees were pulled to her chest, and she was sipping a cup of caffa.

"I made you one too," she called out behind her.

"I forgot you can't hide from a Jedi. Maybe that's because you don't act much like one." He muttered, slinking into the pilots seat.

"Don't call me that."

"What? A Jedi? Or did I say Revan again?"

"A Jedi," she sighed, pausing to take a sip of her caffa, "I hate that term, I think everyone does. Yeah I use the Force and carry a lightsaber, but I don't stand for what the Jedi believe in. Clearly, I never have. Besides, I made my peace with the fact that you're not going to stop calling me Revan."

Atton took his own caffa into his hand, breathing in the hot steam that emanated from it. "I know what you mean. Used to hate the Jedi too, but I guess I'm over that now."

"You guess?"

"I don't think you can ever really get over your past. Unless of course, your mind gets destroyed." He laughed slightly to himself and took a sip.

"Very funny, Rand. So why did you become a Jedi if you hate...er hat_ed_ them?" She raised an eyebrow at him, swinging her legs down and crossing them in front of her.

"Natalya helped me with that. Some schutta ratted me out on Nar Shaddaa. I told her about my past and how I was Force sensitive. She immediately began to train me." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"And yet you won't tell me about your past when I was actually apart of it? Care to tell me about how you knew me?"

He narrowed his eyes as he stared in front of him, turning his head a smirk found its way onto his lips, "Care to tell me about what happened last night?"

"It was nothing," she muttered.

His smirk grew into a smile, "Oh really, now? Were you just lonely or am I really that irresistible?"

"Arrogant schutta," she grumbled, "You know, you keep making these lecherous comments, did you and I ever have a thing, or?" She turned to him, serious question graced her face.

"Nah, you didn't have the time for anything like that. Or necessarily the desire to," his mouth twisted into a crooked smile, "But who knows? Certainly you don't."

She rolled her eyes at him, "Arrogant s-"

"Hey, you're not getting out of this that easily," he interrupted, "So I'll ask you again, what was up with last night?"

Her teeth tugged at her lip, "It was weird, okay? Not you, but being alone. I've never been alone on the _Hawk_ before. I was trying to sleep but the silence nearly killed me. All I wanted was to hear the steady breathing of Bastila or Mission," her voice quieted to nearly a whisper, "Or even Carth."

He watched her quietly for a moment before she spoke up again, more composed, "I figured that risking my life sleeping near you would be better than listening to the ghosts of the past."

Atton recalled nearly hearing Bao-Dur last night, "I know what you mean. And it's okay, I guess that just means I can't sleep nude."

"You weren't," she frowned, "Were you?"

"Nah, but try not to be too disappointed. And I won't kill you in your sleep. If anything you would be the one to kill me."

"You do realize that I have no idea who you are? I mean I know Natalya and everything, and honestly she was _always_ talking about you, so I know some stuff. But that doesn't mean that I can trust you."

"Like what?" He crinkled his eyebrows.

"What do you mean?" She asked, derailed from her train of thought.

"What do you know about me?" He asked, his face skeptical.

"Well," she paused, for a moment, "I knew it was you by that stupid ribbed jacket. She used to tell me that it was one of her favorite things about you. A jacket. I thought she was nuts, but I guess it is pretty cool," she narrowed her eyes at him and broke out into a smile, "she said that you're pretty sensitive about your past and your relationship with her, and you've definitely confirmed that one."

"I am not," he snapped.

"Okay, sure, you're not sensitive _at all_. And I'm probably breaking all the rules of girl talk, but I miss her so much."

"Yeah _you_ miss her, I haven't seen her in over a year. And you weren't...uh, romantically involved."

She shot him a look.

He sighed, "Nevermind. What else did she say about me?" Atton asked with a certain smile in his eyes.

"Hmm, well," she grinned and tilted her head to the side, "she did say you're the best kisser she knows."

He bit his lip to keep from smiling too hard. She laughed at him, "Men."

"Yeah, whatever," he waved her off. He pulled his pazaak deck out from his pocket and set to shuffling the cards in his hands.

They carried on like that for a few moments, him shuffling and her watching. The quiet was strange, although somehow comforting. They were two people who didn't trust each other, and yet they had to.

"So how far did you get with your training?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Hm?"

"Your training. How much action has that lightsaber seen? I'd like to know if I can trust your skills to have my back."

"This lightsaber? None. My old one? Plenty. My bare hands? Too much. Don't worry, I'll have your back."

She watched him carefully, slightly sobered.

"So you've killed people with your bare hands? And you served under me during the Jedi Civil War. I'm guessing you were a specialist, hm? Did you collect bounties, too?"

"Nope, no bounties. And you're not getting it out of me just yet. Maybe I'll tell you if you're lucky. But that part of my past is behind me, and I fight with much more civilized weapons now."

"And how do you feel about meditating?" She asked, his demeanor changing quickly from sour to bitter.

"I _do not_ like meditating," he muttered.

She narrowed her eyes at him, "Too bad, Rand. It's an important part of being a Jedi. It helps you focus, which helps a lot more than you would think. Come on," she said standing, nudging him in the shoulder.

"What? Now?" He asked, tilting his head up at her.

"Yes, now. I don't know whatever grudge you hold against meditating, but you're going to have to get over it. Starting now."

She didn't wait for an answer and despite whatever instincts told him not to, he got up and followed her. She led him into the cargo hold, kneeling in the center of the room. He looked at her warily, Natalya always sat cross-legged, as did most of the Jedi he knew. Revan, however, looked up at him expectantly. He sighed and kneeled next to her, feeling wholly uncomfortable.

Atton settled in, closing out most of his thoughts as he was supposed to. Clearing his mind had never been easy, it always left him vulnerable to those who were trying to pry into his mind. Not that he was worried about Revan, as he was sure she probably shared the same opinion. He knew there was no way she would be comfortable with someone trying to reaching into her mind. Realizing that he was thinking too much, he tried to clear his thoughts again.

This went on for several minutes and by the time he was too frustrated to make another attempt, Revan looked up at him with wide eyes.

"What?" He asked, looking at her warily.

She stood and left the room briskly, leaving Atton to wonder if she would ever leave the room without him being confused.


	3. Chapter 3

Alone time became an accustomed thing aboard the _Ebon Hawk_. Atton was used to sitting alone in the cockpit or main hold, idling his time with playing pazaak by himself or thinking through things. He let down his guard, taking a break from counting cards in his head. He didn't know where Revan was half the time, but he trusted her enough not to meddle with his head.

They hadn't talked much since their time meditating together, and he couldn't figure out what had spooked her. Perhaps a memory, but that was unlikely due to the amount of brain damage that she withheld. Or perhaps it was a vision, but in that case she would most likely tell him, or at least he hoped she would. Especially if it concerned Natalya.

But their silence ebbed and flowed. Two days passed before they established a routine. She would wake up before him, greeting him in the cockpit with a cup of caffa and a morning chat. They would go their separate ways for the day, her usually meditating or practicing her stances, him usually playing pazaak or wishing he had some alcohol. They would eat their nightly food rations together, talking about their favorite moments from both of their extensive missions, or maybe what they had missed most while aboard the _Ebon Hawk_.

They would separate once more after that, he sat in the cockpit until he was too tired to keep his eyes open, and she would go to bed. They never talked about sharing a room. They both knew that it was more comfortable than sleeping alone, though both never admitted it. They were more alike than either would care to confess: distrustful, cold, sarcastic, and afraid of being alone.

This routine lasted for a week before the weariness of flying overcame them, and they fought more than usual. It was a long trip to Ziost and though they thought they had started on a bad note, the bitterness of travelling and the claustrophobia of being trapped in space increasingly spoiled whatever happiness they could find.

One night after a couple of hours of ignoring each other, Atton shuffled his pazaak deck in his hands, staring blankly out at space. His heart felt particularly heavy, though he couldn't pin it down on one reason. He was tired, so tired of feeling lonely. It wasn't fair that Natalya could just up and leave, only to go missing in the Outer Rim. Why would she do that to him? And more importantly, why would she send Revan after him? Surely she could've seen how the two would drive each other mad.

She should've known that they wouldn't get along, not to mention their past. Every time he looked at Revan he was reminded of his days as a cold, brutal killer. It was something he had tried so hard to forget, and though he tried to dismiss it and carry on as his sarcastic self, he couldn't keep up the act around her. Something about her cut through the scrag and brought out who he really was. He hated that. He didn't want to remember any of that, and whenever he was with Natalya, he didn't have to. She forgave him for everything he had done, and yet when he was with Revan, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to save him from being swallowed by his past. No, he wasn't about to go back to his assassin ways, but emotions that he hadn't experienced in years were provoked. Particularly anger.

Revan made him angry. Usually incessant teasing from a woman would be his fantastic, even sexy, but when she did it, it brought out a dull thud in his chest. He couldn't keep up the act, and he could see it was waning on her too. They began to fight a lot more, usually about trust and their pasts. She was clearly angry at him for not giving up on her being a Dark Lord, while the rest of the universe seemingly forgave her. She was also upset at him for still refusing to share the details of his past. But he wasn't about to talk about it with her, as if in some way telling her about his past would spoil it. He couldn't bear to think of her forgiving him for it, or even worse—apologizing for it. It was as if telling her everything, confessing his bloodied past would somehow ruin what he had going for him with Natalya. That was their thing. She was the understanding one who forgave him and continued to love him. She was the only one he had ever told. He didn't want Revan encroaching on that territory.

But she insisted, and still he refused. He didn't care how angry she was, he couldn't tell her about it. He had already cursed himself for sharing some details for the sake of teasing, because he knew that she remembered them. He knew that she locked them away in her mind as puzzle pieces, waiting for the missing pieces so that she could put it together and finally see the big picture. He knew she had her suspicions as well, even came close to making a few accurate guesses. He denied it every time, only increasing her frustrations.

She held out on him too. He was convinced that she remembered more than she let on and still she refused to tell him about what happened between her and Carth. After the way he saw Carth pining for her over a year ago on Telos, he would assume that he wouldn't let her ever leave if he ever saw her again. And yet, after taking her to Nar Shaddaa he bolted. Something must have happened, and whenever she hounded him about his past, Atton would bring it up and throw it in her face that she held out on him too.

Palming the pazaak card in his hand, he got up to head to the starboard dormitory, where he was sure that she was probably already sleeping. He was about to track down T3 to watch the controls when the ship lurched to the left, sending Atton hard into the wall. He immediately turned around to grab the controls, which were locked and jammed in place.

"Damn," he muttered under his breath, flipping a few switches as the ship once again lurched and made a few vicious noises. He overrode the controls, hacking into his own system. He pulled out his comm link.

"T3, try to find the source of the problem and make as many repairs as you can, I'm going to try and set us down on the nearest planet."

Atton pulled back on the controls hard, slowing their speed considerably.

"What the hell is going on?" He heard the distinct voice of Revan behind him.

"We're going down—hard and fast. Do me a favor and check out what the nearest planet is on that star map."

A few moments passed as their speed began to increase.

"Well?" He exclaimed loudly.

"Uh," she paused in a small panic, "Lianna, it's Lianna!" She raced to the copilots seat, strapping herself in.

"Hold on," the ship jerked violently, nearly throwing Atton through the window. He wasn't strapped in and he was beginning to see that that could be his last mistake. It jerked once, twice more, and he hit something hard, sending a stabbing pain through his upper arm. Suddenly the ship let up slightly, allowing Atton to maneuver it quickly. He willed the _Ebon Hawk_ to touch down on Lianna, even in its state of disarray.

The second they touched down, they both let out a breath that had been seemingly held in the entire time. Atton swallowed hard, not wanting to look at his arm or the damages to the ship. He heard T3's chirping somewhere near the engine room, he guessed, and glanced over at Revan. Her face looked weary, though their situation was bittersweet. They may losing time with Natalya, but they were finally getting off of this ship.

"How close were we to Ziost, anyway?" She asked, standing and brushing herself off.

"I don't know, about two to three days? We can probably get our ship fixed here, and the sooner the better."

She nodded in agreement and they left T3 behind, exiting down the loading ramp. Lianna was mostly industrial. Large spires loomed in every direction on the horizon. They took a taxi shuttle to the nearest mechanic, who told them that it would at least be a day to assess the damages and then four to six days for him to fix it. They only agreed after being assured that he was the fastest and most proficient mechanic in the city. They wouldn't be allowed to stay on the ship, and truthfully they didn't want to.

Together, they took the shuttle to the cheapest cantina motel they could find. Between the two of them they didn't have that many credits. Atton had gambled away most of what he had received from Natalya after their mission, and Revan left most of her things behind when she left her post to get Atton. Neither were expecting to need to pay for room and board.

"Six days, she could be dead by then, but no he doesn't care," Atton muttered under his breath as they entered the cantina. It was small and definitely had a distinct smell to it, but it was attached to the motel upstairs that they needed to stay that night.

"Hey, we can't fault him for needing to repair our ship properly. We're not going anywhere near Natalya if our ship can't even fly." She stressed, elbowing him in the side as they approached the bartender.

"Two rooms," she motioned to him, "for at least five days."

The bartender came over with a grim face, "It's the middle of the night and you didn't call ahead. I don't think we have any rooms open."

Atton chewed his lip as Revan's face turned to tired anger.

"_Surely_ there must be," she said as calmly as she could, "Could you check for us?"

He left the bar and took the staircase hidden around the corner, leaving Atton and Revan waiting on the barstools. She looked overtired, and it wasn't until then that Atton remembered she had been awoken by the ships sputtering. .

His arm ached, though he tried to put it out of his mind. He could fix that once they had somewhere to stay for the night, he was too tired to focus on his arm. He could feel the warmth of blood on his shirt but he ignored it. Revan was eyeing it carefully, though he didn't look at it himself.

The bartender appeared shortly, taking his position behind the bar. They looked at him expectantly.

"Good news, I do have a room, though I'm pretty sure you asked for two. Can't imagine why a nice couple such as yourself would need two. Heh heh. Credits up front, third door on the right."

Atton spent a long moment looking at Revan before throwing some credits down onto the bar. He restrained himself from giving the bartender a glare before disappearing around the corner. The stairs were dark and he had to run his hands along the wall to steady himself as he gingerly ascended the staircase. He could hear Revan behind him, taking things just as slow.

He counted the doors on the right and waited at the third one for Revan who had the key. She activated the door, letting them into the small, dank room. The bed looked like hardly enough room for Atton himself, though he was pretty tall, but definitely not for two.

He sighed, activating the lights that only lessened the darkness slightly. "Let me guess, you're going to make me sleep in the 'fresher. Wouldn't be the first time."

She blushed slightly, causing Atton's eyebrows to crinkle in confusion. "Don't worry about it, we already sleep close enough as it is. I don't care as long as you keep your hands to yourself."

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it," he sneered, but was thankful he wouldn't have to sleep in the refresher, especially after glancing over it. This place reeked of alcohol and grime, and he was sure he'd rather go into debt staying at a nice residing hall and have a room to himself than stay in this hellhole.

Revan didn't look any happier, but too tired to give off any real signal about how she was feeling. She took off her outer robe and stripped to the light undershirt that she wore under her tunic. Atton tried to look away, but her long graceful arms tugged at the ends of her shirt as she climbed into the bed, keeping his eyes glued to her.

She noticed him staring and snorted, "I know you miss Natalya and all, but you've got it bad when you're leering at _me_ of all people."

"What? Dark Lord of the Sith has an insecurity problem? You ain't that bad looking, doll."

"Doll?" she snorted, "I'm flattered, really. But please, keep your base lusts to yourself."

"Shut up,_ Lord Revan_," he sneered as he took his robe and shirt off. Kicking his boots to the side he glanced over at her, whose hair was falling gently into her face, her eyes carefully looking over his abs.

"Now who's leering?" He smirked, getting in the other side of the bed. It was a tight fit, and he hung awkwardly off of the side of the bed, but he managed not to touch her.

She let out a laugh, "Yeah, but it was only fair." She rolled over as she spoke, turning her back to him. He sighed and waited a few moments before deactivating the lights.

"Goodnight, your Lordship." He muttered, but he could already hear her steady breathing next to him.


	4. Chapter 4

"I missed you so much," he breathed into her hair as he held her tight. He felt her relax against his grip, looking up at him with those sultry green eyes.

"I missed you more," she purred, leaning up and kissing him squarely on the mouth. He felt more than heard her giggle and she brought her arms around his neck, tracing her fingers along his vertebrae at the top of his neck. He smiled down at her, bringing her forehead to his.

"A year is too long, Natalya" he whispered as he brought gentle kisses along her earlobe. She was so soft, warm, and sweet. He wanted to hold her forever, to never let her go again because he knew he would never get her back. She would be gone forever. His arms snaked around her shoulders, holding her as if he would never hold her again.

She hummed sweetly in his arms, a noise he thought he would never hear again. It evoked a laugh from him, coming from deep within his chest. His heart felt full and he couldn't imagine ever being with someone else.

She pulled back, bringing her hands down to his wrists and jerked him towards her, both of them tumbling into a bed that he was vaguely aware was even there. He lay back with her in his arms, feeling her body pressed against his. He closed his eyes as she murmured something in his ear, something he didn't quite hear.

"Hm?" He prodded lazily. He heard her voice once more, though he couldn't make it out.

"What?" He outright asked, opening his eyes, revealing a woman next to him, but not who he was expecting. Before his eyes lay a ghastly thin woman, eyes closed, breathing steadily. Her sternum rose and fell in even strokes, bringing his eyes to her chest. One arm draped across it gently, the other supporting her head under the pillow. She looked almost peaceful. Out of all the times he had ever seen her, this was definitely the best.

As if she could feel his eyes pouring over her, she stirred slightly. He panicked for a moment, trying to figure out the best course of action. He settled into the bed more naturally and closed his eyes. He wasn't one to deceive, well actually he was, but he didn't want her to know that he had been watching her, which would leave him subject to her teasing for the next however many days they would spend here. He didn't want things to get awkward either, seeing as they had to share a bed. He wasn't about to spend the night in the fresher or cough up the credits for a nicer room.

He steadied his breathing and let his eyes naturally close as if he really had been sleeping, well okay it wasn't his first time with this act, and it sure as hell got him out of a lot more awkward situations. He could feel her muscles almost jolt awake and stretch, her movements causing light shifts in the bed. He sensed her sitting up, and sleepily brought the blanket up and over his shoulder, pulling it lightly away from her. He waited, and waited a bit longer. Minutes must have passed but still he sensed no movement from her. Using his best acting skills, he fluttered his eyes open as if just waking up, just in case she had been watching him. His mind reprimanded him for the thought. Why would she be watching him? But as he opened his eyes he realized that she_ had_ been watching him. A smile grew on her lips as looked over her shoulder at him. Light poured in through the window, giving her undershirt an almost translucent glow. He could see the individual vertebrae in a line tracing down her back.

She had noticed his stare, but seemingly chose to ignore it. She stuck her chin out, resting it on the tops of her knees. She sat like that for a few moments, and Atton couldn't help but watch her. Years of serving under her in the war, he never would have imagined that he would see her like this, in such a vulnerable state. She was always a tightass, and he always had a good laugh about it with his buddies. They always talked about what they would do to her given the chance, but there was still something about her that struck fear into the hearts of all men. And there she sat, loosely draped in light clothes, sleeping next to him in an entirely too small for two people bed, looking all soft and lovely.

Lovely? Soft? What was going on in his mind? He must have missed Natalya a lot more than he thought if he was considering the Lord of the Sith_ lovely_. But she wasn't the Lord of the Sith, was she? Not anymore, and she didn't even remember it. He killed for her, and frack, he wanted to please her. And now, _now_? He didn't know. Suddenly he was unsure of everything, and that thought alone frightened him.

And so he did what he always did when his heart ached or he was confused, he thought of her. And he had dreamt of her last night, she was so beautiful, so wonderful, that he couldn't imagine ever going to someone else. Natalya held his heart. His broken, bitter, foolish heart.

Revan suddenly shifted, lifting herself off of the bed. She brought with her one of the blankets, held tight around her body. She reached for her robes and made her way into the refresher. Since when had she become Miss Modesty? He couldn't recall any other point during their journey in which she had a problem dressing or undressing near him. But then again, he never really cared before, either. What had changed overnight?

_Nothing. Nothing has changed you idiot. Stop thinking about Revan. She's a mean, sarcastic schutta. Don't let her get in your head._

Shaking off every thought, he started to count cards in his head. The old habit returned easily as he got out of the bed and stepped onto the cool floor. Rethinking his course of action, he sat back on the bed.

_Four more nights of this_, he thought grimly to himself.

She stepped gingerly from the fresher, looking at him curiously as she circled around the bed.

"So we have about four days to kill," she stated, "We're going to need to figure out something to do."

"Yeah," he sighed, rubbing his fingertips over the side of his face, "Starting with getting some food, and if you don't mind I'd rather not eat in this nasty place."

She broke out into a smile, "What? You mean you _don't_ like it here? Since when?"

"The second we walked in," he sneered.

One eyebrow shot up, "What? Atton Rand falls for sarcasm? Sound the alarms, alert the authorities." Her head lolled with mock disbelief and something else, but soon she was out the door, leaving it open for her to follow him.

He waited for a couple of minutes sitting on the bed before making his way into the 'fresher and splashing some water on his face. The bending of his arms delivered a course pain through his left arm. Not daring to look at it, he dried off and gently put his robes on. Heading downstairs he noticed the cantina was considerably lighter and emptier, though the hardcore patrons were still at tables drinking. In the morning? Atton had never been that much of an alcoholic. He noticed Revan sitting at the bar talking to the bartender, waiting for him, he supposed.

She caught sight of him and gestured her chin up in a motion to make him come over to her. His ears felt as though they were stuffed with cotton by the way the pounding blood echoed in his head, coursing through his veins violently. He noticed her give him a strange look as he plopped down next to her, looking at the bartender with a new sort of urgency.

"Do you have any medpacs?" He tried to sound polite, but his breath hitched and he sounded slightly desperate. Not a good look.

The bartender looked at him for a long moment before disappearing around the corner. Revan looked at him oddly too, before looking down.

"Oh! Your arm!" She exclaimed, standing and walking over to his left side to inspect the damage. She couldn't access it because of his long sleeves, but bit her lip as the bartender returned.

She took the medpac from him and gestured to the stairs, "Come on, I'll help you."

Before he could protest, she took his hand and gently tugged at it to lead him upstairs. He winced slightly, not wanting to look so weak, but he figured it was already too late for that. She opened their room and motioned for him to sit down on the bed.

"I can't believe you didn't notice this last night," she commented as he lifted his shirt over his head.

"Or this morning," he snorted, "It wasn't until I actually _used_ my arm that I realized that it uh," he sucked in his breath as he looked down at it, "that it...hurt."

It was more of a puncture than a cut. Something had been lodged in there and then promptly removed, and by the looks of it, it had taken some skin with it. Dried blood cracked around it and fresh blood began to pool within it at her touch. She laid a hand over it, causing a small grimace and nauseous feeling at the pit of his stomach. She closed her eyes, channeling the Force and promptly making him uncomfortable. The pain, however, lessened considerably and as she removed her hand. He caught sight of the wound, where skin mended seamlessly over where it had been. She injected some kolto in it for good measure, him wincing as she used her hand, coated in his blood. After the whole charade he sighed and looked up at her apologetically.

"Sorry about that," he muttered, not wanting to admit that she had actually been really nice to him and he was grateful for her help.

Sensing his uncomfortableness, she made her way into the refresher to wash her hands, calling out, "Don't worry about it."

He didn't know why he felt so strange about it, but put his robes back on and realized how hungry he was. She must have been too, because she didn't talk much as they found a store that sold reasonably priced food.

They knew that they couldn't eat out for every meal, considering how little credits they had, so they bought nonperishable food and kept it in their room. They designated a small section on the floor as their "dining room", where they sat and ate their food in quiet. Time passed slowly during the day, leaving Atton bored and Revan considerably restless. He could tell her mind was reeling, thinking of all the things that they _could_ be doing, and yet they just sat in their room.

He suggested pazaak, but after a few games she got frustrated and he gloated too much, so she stopped playing. They tried to make small-talk but they realized that everything up until this point had been all about the bigger picture. They never stopped to talk about the everyday. It was always about huge adventures and saving the galaxy. They both realized that neither had a 'normal' conversation in a while. Atton, of course, didn't count his lost year, because he mostly drank and hardly remembered any of it. Moping was his thing and didn't talk much to anyone.

Soon it was evening and Atton was about to eat dinner, but he stopped when he realized how antsy Revan was getting.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to go for a walk." She stood abruptly, and headed for the door.

"Woah hold on," he exclaimed incredulously, "Are you sure you'll be safe? I'll come with you." He joined her near the door but she put a hand on his chest, stopping him. He looked down at the hand and then up at her, slightly confused.

"I'll be fine, I need to be alone for a bit anyways," she noticed he was still unconvinced and smiled, "I've killed hundreds of Sith, including a Sith Lord, I think I'll be able to protect myself from a few thugs on the streets of Lianna."

In the end he let her go, settling onto the floor with some food and his pazaak deck. He just needed to kill a few more hours before he could go to sleep and be one day closer to getting off of this planet. They had to, no, _needed_ to think of something to do if they were going to survive this little holiday. He couldn't imagine one more day like this, not to even consider four or five more. The mechanic probably hadn't even _started_ repairing the _Ebon Hawk_, and that thought alone was enough to drive him crazy.

It was over an hour before she returned, and it was a good thing because he was starting to worry. And that worry made him worry for his own sanity that he was worrying about this woman who had driven him crazy for the last week. And yet she had begun to change in his eyes, turning into something more...human.

But she entered the room boisterously, and Atton was thoroughly confused before he noticed that she had two large bottles of Corellian rum cradled in her arms.

"Thought we needed a little help to get through this," she smiled crookedly, and his only response was a smile as she handed him one of the bottles.

This was going to be an interesting night.


	5. Chapter 5

It wasn't until Revan was halfway through her bottle that she lightened up. He noticed by the way her eyes turned dreamy and her speech slurred slightly, but only slightly. She was okay with drinking because they were stuck in this hellhole no matter what, might as well have some fun. Atton was slumped on the floor, drinking and wishing he didn't have to drink as much as he did to get drunk. It would have been so easy if he took two sips and suddenly - bam!- drunk. But no, he had to ingest insane amounts of alcohol to be considered tipsy.

Revan sat on the floor across from him, picking at the label on her bottle of Corellian rum. He watched her carefully, wondering what kind of drunk she was. Was she sad? Happy? Honest? Would she get sick? Or did she want to do something incredibly stupid? He was fascinated, but she seemed content to just sit there and take it all in. He knew she had been drunk before, he could've sworn she mentioned it during a story earlier that week. She wasn't a lightweight either, he'd seen many women drink half the amount she drank and act pathetically drunk.

"So, Rand," she began, her speech was still pretty straightforward, "What did you do to get blondie to love you or whatever?"

"Blondie?" He asked with a laugh.

She only stared at him, not willing to talk until he told her. He thought of Natalya and her long dark blonde hair, how soft and simple she was. A beautiful woman by any right, but still somehow lacking the presence that would make men fawn all over her. Any man except for him, of course. There was something about her that drew him to her. Something different.

"Okay," he gave in to her stare down, "We met on Peragus, and of course I was being my funny, charming self. I guess it was enough to get her to fall in love with me. The end."

"No," she mumbled, getting to her knees and sliding over next to him, "No, no woman would fall for that scrag. You are a jerk, an egotistical ass, a drunk pilot with no—"

"Woah, woah there," he interrupted, "Why don't you tell me how you_ really_ feel."

She snorted, "Why would she fall for you? What did you offer her, what did you say that made her like you? Because from what I've seen, you ain't got much to offer." She dug her index finger into his chest.

He watched her, thoroughly amused. His own buzz was nothing compared to what she was obviously feeling. "Well from what you've seen I haven't been trying to seduce you. Therefore, you haven't experienced any of my Atton Rand charms."

"You don't need charms," she whispered.

His head reeled backwards, "What?"

"Just tell me what happened!" She cried out.

"Okay, okay. Jeez, you don't need to be so pushy. To be honest, I'm not sure how it even happened. I was an annoying ass and made all these lecherous, sarcastic comments, and one day it just snapped. I told her about my past, I told her everything, I bled through for her. And in some, miraculous way, she loved me. It wasn't some spectacular moment where we realized how much we loved each other. I'd been attracted to her the entire time, of course, but one day I was looking at her and it clicked. I loved her. And thankfully, she loved me back. It was one of the best days of my life. And then, I don't know, darkness took over. All of the Sith attacked at once and she refused to talk to me, most likely in fear of losing me in case I got involved. She started to slip away, and I didn't realize that that was the beginning of the end," he glanced at Revan, who was wrapt in his story, "And amazingly enough, she defeated all of them. I can't even tell you how worried I was when she left the _Hawk_ to go fight Kreia. It was one of the worst feelings I had ever experienced, and I've experienced a lot of bad feelings. And at least until she left, that was the definitely the worst. I thought I was going to lose her. But she pulled through, she always does. That's why I know she's going to be okay. I know she'll manage to pull through because she always has, she always has to. For me, for you,for the whole goddamn universe."

God he knew he was getting drunk, because he was definitely a rambler. Luckily for him, Revan seemed to be a good listener. He watched her face as she inspected his, a small smile growing on her lips.

"You really love her, don't you?" She said, watching him intently for his answer.

He thought to be sarcastic or annoying, maybe make a stupid comment or act like an ass like he usually did when he was uncomfortable. But he couldn't, not about this. He bit his lip and looked down at his rough, calloused hands. He could only nod.

She let out a light, airy laugh and pressed her forehead against his shoulder. Yep, definitely drunk. "That's unlike you, Rand," she admitted into the fabric of his robe. He looked down at her bemusedly.

"And how would you know what I'm like? Maybe I fall in love every day. You would never know."

She promptly lifted her head to gaze into his eyes with her own confused one. He tried to read her, and even considered probing her mind, but he couldn't. He just looked at her with matched confusion, both awkwardly thinking of anything to say.

"So I spilled the beans about Natalya and I," he started, "It's only fair that you tell me about Onasi."

She leaned back and gripped the bottle tightly in her hands and took another long swig. Not taking her eyes off of the bottle, she spoke in a voice so quiet that Atton had to lean in to hear her.

"He wanted me to stay. He begged, pleaded, and I refused. I said I couldn't. He told me that he'd waited so long for me, and that, that I didn't care. He was wrong of course, but I just realized a lot during my time away from him. A lot that I couldn't forget, and seeing his hopeful face broke my heart," she paused to take another drink, "He wanted me to stay, to stay and be with him. It was just something I couldn't do. Our love was so, so perfect during our mission to destroy the Star Forge, it was just after that I realized I couldn't do it. Sure, he's faced serious tragedies and heartbreak, broken trust and broken hearts, but he was too innocent. I've done horrible things, Atton, as I'm sure you know, and he was so willing to forgive me. I didn't want to hurt him ever again, I didn't want to take him with me and lose him. I guess I was like Natalya in that instance. But most of all I couldn't settle down. I couldn't be something I'm not. I'm cold and I've killed, I can't stay quiet and raise a family, you know? I can't sit still and watch the universe take on its own shape, I need to be there, to mold it and to change it. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it certainly didn't to Carth. On our way to Nar Shaddaa I tried to explain it so many times, but he was convinced I was just trying to leave him again. In the end I guess he didn't want to wait for me anymore, and left. I don't know what he's going to do or how he feels, though I'm sure he still loves me, but I don't think he's going to be there for me again. He can't do it to himself, and I don't blame him." Her eyebrows crinkled as she looked down, presumably trying not to cry.

Atton winced slightly, if he thought he rambled when he was drunk, he was a lightweight compared to her. He noticed a tear or two escape her eyes and frowned. He moved towards her, already close enough to reach her. He wrapped a reassuring arm around her, knowing he really wasn't the best at comforting people, but he was going to try anyway. There was no way he was going to just watch her cry. Her shoulders heaved and she covered her face in embarrassment, but it just made him hold her tighter. Nothing wrong with that, he convinced himself, she was his friend and he didn't want this for her.

"What's wrong with me, Atton?" She asked looking up at him.

"Well first things first, you're drunk," he smirked. She laughed and pushed his arm away. Relievedly, he removed it from her..

"I know," she whispered, "But I used to be so different, and now I don't know what I am or why I'm crying. It's not about Carth, I know that much."

"You are different, especially considering you're not evil anymore. And why aren't you sad about Carth?" He shifted, leaning back to watch her.

She snorted quietly to herself, "No, I'm not evil, am I? I have to remember that, it's just that everyone seems to treat me like it, especially you," she grimly smiled and narrowed her eyes at him, though in jest.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"Nah, it's okay," she said looking away, "And Carth, well, I lost him five years ago when I first left. It broke my heart every day until I realized that I have to be whole without him, and so I learned how to do that, and I guess I knew that we'd never be together again. It just wasn't official until two weeks ago. I'll miss the sex though."

He raised an eyebrow at her skeptically.

"Did I just say that out loud?" She blundered, putting a hand over her reddening face.

Atton laughed out loud, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Trust me, I know the feeling, though I can't say for sure that I would've waited five years. A year was starting to become painful enough. I must say my resolve was weakening by the time you showed up. Who knew the effects of hope on the libido."

She removed her hands from her face and looked at him with a mixture of amusement and horror.

"It wasn't—I didn't uh," she looked as though she couldn't believe what she was saying, "I didn't wait five years."

Atton broke into a grin, "There we go, infidelity at its finest!" He gave her a bro-like punch on the shoulder, "I must say though, who could really be surprised, considering—"

"Considering what?" She asked with a new look of horror on her face.

"Um, uh nothing?" He ventured.

She looked at him as though a disapproving mother would, "You're not going to fool me. Tell me, Rand, or I'll go get my lightsaber."

"Threats now? I didn't know you were so willing to dispose of me. Didn't you need me to find Natalya? Plus it wouldn't look too good if you killed her boyfriend."

"Don't change the subject and don't think I wouldn't do it."

Atton would've teased her further, but the look in her eyes sent a small chill of fear down his spine. "It's just that during the war everyone spread rumors that you were easy. It was no big deal because we knew that all the guys who bragged about taking you on were completely lying. It was just a fun thing to do to pass the time. It was stupid, really."

"Men are stupid. And gross." She muttered, crossing her arms, "I'm embarrassed and angry for my former self."

"Honestly, don't worry about it. Everyone knew you weren't fooling around. You were strictly business. Didn't stop the guys from trying, though. I'm pretty sure the persistent ones never made it back."

She looked at him, her eyebrows raised over the bridge of her nose, "Oh my gods, I was awful! How could I kill a man just for wanting to me? H—"

"No, no. Don't worry about it, they were probably just moved to a different sector or something. I'm sure you didn't kill them for that reason," he reassured, noticing that she was dangerously close to crying again. He never thought that in his life he would have to deal with a drunk Revan.

"Did you know me during the Mandalorian Wars?"

He sighed, "I don't want to talk about the wars."

She blinked at him distractedly for a few moments, "Why? What happened that was so terrible, so awful that you refuse to tell anyone except for Natalya? Why won't you tell me?" Her voice was angry, probably from having had already asked him seemingly a million times.

"Because I don't, okay? Why isn't that good enough for you? I'm sure if you remembered your past you wouldn't want to talk about it. We're not all that lucky." He snapped, worried because he was feeling his resolve fading, his web of excuses and wall of emotions was slowly breaking.

"No, but I wish I could've remembered. Maybe if you told me some sort of details, maybe then I could get a picture of who I was. I won't care what you did Atton, I really won't. Because you know what? I've probably done much worse. No one can match my crimes, and you probably know those much better than I do. And you know what? You're still here! If you honestly didn't trust me and didn't want to be with me you could've slit my throat and taken the _Hawk_. Or asked me where Natalya is and left on your own. But you didn't!"

Atton didn't say anything, he just clenched his teeth and looked away. Maybe it was the alcohol or the way she cried, or maybe she just had a good argument, he wasn't sure. But he found himself thinking of the right way to tell her.

"Okay," he sighed, "I was an assassin. Damn good at it too, I would've done anything for you, though torturing and killing was what I was best at."

She smiled at her small victory, then a look of suspicion came over her, "There's _a lot_ you're not telling me."

"Damn right. And there's a lot I won't tell you, at least not right now. I'm tired anyways, we should probably go to bed before we end up doing something stupid," he threw his crooked smile onto his face, one born of distraction.

She scowled, "Yeah right, flyboy, you wish." She stood and stretched her arms out. It took a few moments of concentration for him to realize that she was trembling, and despite everything he stood as well and drew closer to her. She looked up at him warily, but he embraced her in a warm hug. There wasn't anything sexual about it, but a comforting sense that they had understood each other a little better.

Atton settled into the bed, a tired born of doing absolutely nothing dragged him down into the softness of the blankets and pillows. Perhaps it was his drunkenness or hers, but he was comfortable sleeping close to her. While much was left unsaid, nothing hung awkwardly between them. He slipped quietly into a deep sleep, not prepared for the hangover that would surely embrace him tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

_Three more days_

It was his first thought as he woke up the next morning, not completely miserable feeling despite how intoxicated he was last night. His eyes, however, refused to open as he pulled the blanket tighter around him and snuggled his face into the pillow, begging to fall back asleep. But his stomach churned and his mouth felt incredibly dry, so he pried himself from the bed, careful not to make any sudden movements. Revan was still sleeping.

He shuffled into the refresher, splashing water onto his sleepy face, and drinking most of it to satisfy the cotton texture of his mouth. He blinked his eyes harshly as he stood under the doorframe connecting the room to the refresher. The room seemed dimmer, and grungier than when they first arrived. Food and robes were distributed messily around the room, and if he hadn't known better, it would look like two newlyweds had moved in.

He snorted quietly to himself as he stepped out of the room, leaving Revan alone to sleep while he sought out some caffa. He returned later with two steaming mugs, knowing how each of them liked it. She was still asleep when he entered the room, so he contentedly set the mug on the table next to her side of the bed, knowing full well how much she would need it. He got back in on his side of the bed, leaning back against the headboard and bringing the blankets up and around him. One arm stuck out to sip his cup of caffa.

He was nearly halfway done by the time she awoke. She made small noises as she stretched out, and then nearly snapped back into herself. A hand rose and covered her face, gently rubbing her eyes.

"Atton," she nearly hissed.

"Yes?" He asked, knowing full well what her issue was.

She grumbled a slew of curses that impressed even Atton. She looked up at him with bloodshot eyes that she blinked slowly. He motioned to the cup of caffa on the table and she withdrew a long, thin arm from the blankets to reach for it.

"Thank you," she stated quietly as she sat up next to him. Her lips hesitated at the rim of the mug, breathing in the steam as she closed her eyes. Atton could almost feel the Force flow through her as she cleansed her mind from the toxins. Atton wondered why he never thought of that before.

"Didn't even think to use the Force like that," he chuckled lightly, voicing the thought.

She looked up at him with clearer eyes and a clearer expression, "Oh no," she smiled, "It was the cup of caffa that cured me."

"Yeah, right." He shook his head with a small smile as he drew a long slow sip from his cup of caffa.

"Please tell me I dreamt last night."

Atton smirked, "Nope, not a chance."

"Well at least we've put everything out there," she eyed him suspiciously, "Well at least, most of everything. You're still holding out on me."

Atton rolled his eyes, "Yeah, but I'm not the only one."

"What?"

"You're holding out on me too, sister."

"I am not," she defended.

"Oh really? And I'm supposed to believe that you told Carth off and he got_ tired of waiting for you_. Uh-uh. I ain't buying that one. The guy waited five years for you and is one of the most loyal people the Republic has to offer."

"So? That doesn't mean that he couldn't up and leave me."

"I didn't say he couldn't, I'm saying that he _wouldn't_."

"Whatever, Rand," she breathed out, looking away. Suddenly uncomfortable, she removed herself from the bed and closed the door to the refresher behind her.

He rolled his eyes and pried himself from the bed. Foregoing his Jedi robes, he donned his ribbed jacket, making sure to keep his lightsaber close. She returned from the refresher, her robes neat and hair tied back.

"Come on, let's go," she called out behind her as she made her way to the door.

"And where might we be going?" He asked as they both passed through the door, closing the door behind him. He realized that he didn't entirely care, as long as they weren't going to be spending any time in their room.

"Sparring."

"Sparring? Where are we going sparring? And what are we sparring with? No way we're fighting with lightsabers. I know you'd probably like to kill me or whatever, and I know you can't because of Natalya, but I'm sure you could get away with cutting off an arm or something. And in case you didn't realize, I'm pretty attached to them." He chuckled stupidly at his own pun, Revan gave him a mocking glare.

"You ask too many questions. And where did you get this idea that I want to kill you?"

"Oh, you mean you've actually enjoyed spending time with me? Could've fooled me," Atton bristled through his teeth as they walked down a nearly empty street of Lianna. The city was large and flourishing, but they were in a poor section, which meant it didn't entirely come alive until late at night. The morning was dead.

Revan sighed, "I don't want to kill you, Atton. Can we just drop this act where we pretend that we hate each other and move on? It's getting pretty annoying, actually."

"I didn't know you were acting."

She stopped mid step and looked up at him with crinkled eyebrows, "Are you saying that you actually hate me?"

He stopped as well and turned towards her, hesitating for a moment, trying to think of something witty or mocking to say. "No," he stated rather lamely.

"Good. Because if I had to share a bed with a man that hated me and used to kill Jedi for me, I think I'd have to move out."

"Woah woah woah, I never said I killed Jedi. And don't mention sharing a bed to Natalya if we find her, that doesn't sound so good."

"_When_ we find Natalya. And didn't you? I could've sworn that's what you said."

"Not that I remember. I told you that I was an assassin. That's it." He was abrupt, his words coming out short and bitter.

"Well did you?" She asked apprehensively.

"Did I what?"

"Don't play stupid, did you kill Jedi?"

He gritted his teeth against his jaw before answering, "Yes. Yes, I did, okay? But you didn't come to that conclusion because of me, did you?"

"What are you talking about, Rand?"

"I'm talking about the fact that you_ remember_."

"I do not."

He lifted an eyebrow at her.

"I_ don't_. What could I possibly gain from pretending that I don't remember?"

Atton sighed dramatically, "Okay, so maybe you don't. But I've got my eye on you."

"Oh really? I don't think you do."

She ignited her lightsaber and was upon Atton in seconds. He didn't have enough time to draw his lightsaber, so he somersaulted out of the way. However, she was much too fast and soon a boot was pressed against his back, pinning him to the ground. He realized then that they were in an open, concrete area, which happened to be deserted. He figured she must have scouted this place out when she went for her 'walk'.

"Not fair," he managed to croak as she continued to hold him against the ground, "I wasn't expecting that."

"And what if you're not expecting the Sith to attack you. You have to be ready at all times."

"What are you, my master?" He grumbled as she lifted her weight off of him. How such a thin woman could muster such strength was beyond him, "Sorry babe, but I already have one."

She rolled her eyes as he got up, not allowing him too much time before she attacked again. He was ready this time, however, and met her with an impressive strength. His arms brought his lightsaber hard down onto hers, nearly cutting off her hands. She looked up at him wildly, clearing unleashing some part of her he hadn't seen before.

She pulled her lightsaber out from under his in a flash, and whirring around to the other side. He matched her speed, knowing that she couldn't get ahead of him or he'd be dead. Or mildly burned. She was surprised at his speed, and was nearly knocked back when he jabbed his lightsaber forward in her direction. She dodged and rolled to his right, sending a swift kick to his knee.

He managed to refrain from crying out as the pain flowed into his leg, there was no way he would let her know that she had done any damage. He brought his lightsaber down in a swift stab, her dodging it once more. She stood and met his blade, they each unleashed new attacks and parries.

They sparred for a few more minutes before they were locked in place, their blades met above their heads, their faces mere inches apart. They both breathed heavily, allowing themselves a small break while still locked in attack.

"I told him I didn't love him," she breathed out.

His eyes flashed in confusion, "What?"

"Carth," she looked into his eyes, "I told him I didn't love him."

Their eyes locked at each other in understanding and both lowered their lightsabers.

"I don't know," she continued, "I don't know if it was the right thing to do. But it was the only way I knew to get him to stay behind. These Sith, they're...different. I couldn't risk Carth's life like that. I didn't want him to see the real threat that we face. Natalya and I used to talk about it all the time. We thought we were protecting you and Carth by leaving you behind."

Atton bit his lip as he looked away, "You weren't protecting us."

"No, no we weren't." Her breathing slowed as she continued to look at Atton. He could feel her gaze, but couldn't lift his eyes to meet it.

"Couldn't the Republic help? Your troops can't hold out against these Sith forever."

"I...I don't know. It's a horrible situation. If we risk the lives of the Republic, we could allow the Sith to take over known space and lose millions. But if we can't keep up with the Sith alone, we could allow them to infiltrate the Republic lose millions that way. I can't decide which is the lesser of two evils."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Find Natalya. We can't move on without her."

He finally met her eyes and nodded in silent recognition. She heaved a shaky breath and put a smile on her face. She raised her lightsaber and her eyebrows, but he shook his head.

They put their lightsabers away and sat in the empty expanse of concrete. They talked for a few hours. Atton felt drained, physically and emotionally. He didn't realize how much of a toll the last year had taken on him until he was able to talk about it. Revan talked about how drained she was from the war. She had been moving constantly since the _Endar Spire_. But she decided during their conversation that she had enjoyed it. She wasn't one to settle down for any span of time. Atton agreed with her. His hellish year off made him realize how much he missed the action and how it was good to get back out there. But now that they were trapped on Lianna he was beginning to feel the suffocation of inaction.

They smiled and commiserated, with each other. A new understanding of how much they were alike and how that probably drew Natalya to each of them. Atton barely noticed the time go by and before he knew it, he was back at the cantina, grabbing a few shots with Revan. They decided to limit themselves, gods knew how many more secrets they had yet to reveal. But they weren't ready for that.

Instead they were content on going to bed early and hoping to the Force that the _Ebon Hawk_ would be fixed soon.


	7. Chapter 7

The next four days passed comfortably. Despite their irritation with the planet and their itch to get moving, they were able to pass the time quickly. The mechanic swung by their cantina home and told them the _Ebon Hawk_ was fixed a day late, but they were jubilant regardless.

Atton had never been so happy to get off of a planet, well besides Peragus, Telos, Dantooine, and Malachor V. But those weren't as bad as just waiting around, he'd rather have had some sort of action than sit in a dank room chatting with Revan. Not that he minded her company, he even enjoyed it now. Not that he'd admit that to her. They stopped all the heart to heart conversations and settled as friends.

Revan had seemed comfortable with the whole idea. She wasn't willing to talk about Carth anymore, and whenever he came up in the conversations she got this distant look in her eyes. Atton could tell when her train of thought led to him, as that look was a dead giveaway.

Atton happily doled out the large sum of credits the repairs cost, and the two boarded the_ Ebon Hawk._ They both made a pact to never complain about feeling trapped there, because at least they would be moving. There was always worse situations out there, and Lianna proved that.

Lesson learned.

They lifted off of the dreadful planet, hoping to the Force that whatever repairs were made held. T3 had been glad to see them again, and even Atton had to admit that he was happy to see him too. They were a little over a day and a half away from Ziost, their intended destination. It didn't seem like much compared to the last week, but time continued to drag on as Atton found himself alone in the cockpit nearly a day later.

He didn't usually reflect on his feelings, which was a total lie because that's all he did lately. Natalya was at the forefront of his mind at all times of the day. The fact that he was coming for her, and now that they were getting close, it was almost too much to handle. But at the same time he was worried. Sure Revan had said that all she did was talk about him, but would she want to send him back? Did she still think she did the right thing in leaving him behind? He was certain, however, that she would be glad to see him and Revan getting along.

"What are you thinking about?" He heard Revan's familiar voice behind him. She settled into the copilots seat, a sight that he thought he would never see again and was somehow comforted by.

"Natalya. And you." _Oops. Didn't mean to say that one out loud._

"Me?" She half laughed to herself.

"I was just thinking how proud she'd be of us getting along."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure she'll be thrilled to find that one out."

His eyebrows crinkled, "I'm not following."

"Knowing her, she probably won't care. She'll probably give me a big hug and jump you on sight. Assuming she's uninjured and we're in a safe spot."

He couldn't stop a small smile from spreading onto his lips.

"You know, for someone who tries so hard to hide your thoughts and feelings, you're pretty transparent," she laughed with a small shake of her head.

"Yeah, but that's her fault. Used to be a lot better, but I guess her presence wore down that part of my head."

She turned her head towards him, a serious look planted firmly on her face. Atton swallowed before she asked, "Can you still feel her?"

He blinked blankly at her for a few moments, "I uh," he looked down at his hands in his lap, "No, not really. Sometimes I think I can, but then she slips away. I didn't feel her for long after she left. I guess she knew that I'd be able to find her if the bond was still intact. I didn't understand why she was trying so hard to get away from me. "

Revan nodded in silent understanding. Atton's lips turned down in a straight line as his mood went from elevated to sunken.

Sensing his feelings, Revan hesitated and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Sorry."

"Nah, don't worry about it. I've had enough time to mope. I'm just looking forward to seeing her again."

"Me too," Revan smiled. It was her genuine smile that could make Atton instantly brighter. She didn't use it often, only when something truly made her happy, "I just hope she's still on Ziost. It'll make out mission a hell of alot easier."

"It sure would," he agreed.

They let the conversation drop in companionable silence. Revan stayed for a few more minutes before mentioning something about messing with her lightsaber. He shrugged it off, knowing that most likely she would be meditating. She had taken it up in earnest, telling him that it would help their mission. She would be more focused, be more open, all that Jedi mumbo jumbo.

He wasn't sure why he still had such a disdain for meditating. Which was another lie he told himself. He knew deep down inside he still had the famously dubbed 'meditation envy'. The thought of Mical made his skin crawl. He was so righteous, even above all the Jedi he's ever hated, and was so obviously in love with Natalya. It made him want to puke. And they had meditated for _hours_, it seemed endless. Whenever he wanted alone time with Natalya, he always found her meditating with that blonde haired, blue eyed schutta.

Shaking off these thoughts, he focused on how close they were to Ziost. It was just a matter of a couple hours now, and he was counting down the time until he saw Natalya. Although they couldn't be sure she was still there, he had a gut feeling she was. And his gut feelings weren't usually wrong. He could almost sense her presence again, and it was so faint, such an echo that he held on tightly to the thin tendrils in his mind, but it slipped away once more.

Force, he just wanted to see her again, to hold her tight and never let go. He wanted just to look at her again, to gaze into those lovely green eyes, so seductive, and yet so innocent. Her eyes carried the pain of thousands of lives lost, and represented the love that she so freely gave to those around her.

_I don't care what she says, I won't let her leave again._

Holding onto that thought, Atton prepped the systems for landing. He had discussed it with Revan, and she knew the coordinates of the Sith base. Much like the hidden Academy on Telos, the Sith operations were located in a vast field of ice and snow. They would have to touch down nearby, unseen, and hopefully sneak in undetected. They were also hoping that T3 would be able to slice into the system and allow them an idea of what they were facing.

Letting the autopilot take over, Atton flipped through his pazaak deck. Unconsciously flipping through the worn cards, Atton's mind stretched out through the ship. He listened to the humming of the ship, the warmth bringing him a sense of comfort that had come to him in times of need in the past. He could remember the way he listened to it when Natalya had first shown him the Force, and when she left for the Jekk'jekk Tarr, he had unconsciously listened to it for hours, waiting for her to come back.

And now, what was it comforting? He had a sassy ex-Sith Lord with him, and he was about to find Natalya. The thing about Revan was that he trusted her. Despite her past and how she had been missing for years, he could sense her, even when he wasn't trying. The Force radiated off of her, she was a beacon of energy. He had known her for years, and there was nothing of what she used to be left within her.

He was also glad to have her with him mostly because her fighting skills were unmatched. She had taken him down countless times while sparring, but noted his efforts and simply chalked it up to her talents. He berated her for being so cocky, but knew she was right. And if they were about to take on a Sith base, especially considering how fearful _she_ was of the Sith, he was happy to have her by his side.

"Hey Rev!" He called out behind him, and when several moments of silence passed, he pulled out his comm link. He called out to her again, and once more yielded no results.

Sighing, he upped himself and headed to the garage. She said that she was going to be working on her lightsaber, but the workbench was untouched. He checked the starboard dormitory, in case she was sleeping, but she wasn't there either. Next came the portside dormitory where she usually meditated, somehow the Force was strong in there, although it eerily reminded him of Kreia. He vaguely remembered something about Kreia being Revan's master as well, but he wasn't sure and he wasn't about to ask her about the old scow. Forget respecting the dead, that woman had caused Natalya more harm than good. Though Natalya didn't see things the same way and apparently respected her enough to follow her final wishes to a T.

Revan wasn't there either, and so he headed to the cargo hold. He found her frail form kneeling in the corner in a deep trance. Not wanting to disturb her, he stood quietly under the doorframe, painfully reminded of previous times he had watched others meditate. He always hated the idea of spying, but sometimes you_ had_ to. Revan wasn't doing anything interesting though, besides ignoring him, so he backed out and headed to the cockpit.

Atton didn't necessarily want to shake her out of whatever trance she was under, but they were approaching Ziost quickly, and he needed the coordinates of the base that she knew. He needed her to land this ship, and at about an hour and a half out, he couldn't risk letting her meditate through their landing. He gave it another hour before trying the comm link again. A half hour until they were going to land and he needed the coordinates. It was now or never.

He went back to the cargo hold, finding her in the same position. He called out her name a few times, her unanswering. Cringing, he stepped over to her. He was nervous about her reaction, but reached out an arm to catch her briefly on the shoulder.

"Rev!" He whispered violently in an attempt to stir her from her deep meditation. Her body flinched, though her eyes did not open.

"Rev!" He reached out his arm again, speaking a bit louder. Her eyes flashed open and looked up at him with an expression he couldn't read. She looked slightly dazed, but there was no time for that.

"We have like twenty minutes until we start landing and I need the coordinates of the base. I'm afraid we have one shot at landing before the Sith find us. I don't want to hang out too long either, so I'm going to need all the information stuffed in that pretty little Sith head of yours."

She looked up and nodded at him, and he was only slightly surprised that she didn't have a witty retort. Probably because she had basically just returned to consciousness, wherever she was before.

He left in the direction of the cockpit, hearing her faintly as he passed through the door.

"You think I'm pretty?"

He snorted loudly enough for her to hear, getting the message across that he had been sarcastic, and while it was a little hurtful, he didn't want Revan thinking he had a thing for her or whatever. Maybe ten years ago when he was a pilot for the Republic and had seen her on one of his ships. She was beautiful then, not that she wasn't now, but she was almost like a goddess during the Mandalorian Wars. She was a warrior that wasn't to be messed with, and all the men swooned over her.

They also knew that Malak had a tight hold on her. He was also fiercely protective, and none of the soldiers had dared make a move. Atton wasn't about to risk it either, he knew he was charming, but he was nothing compared to her. It was strange being with her now, knowing who she used to be. Who she was now was still beautiful, but it was a frightening beauty. Her features were sharp, and she was so thin. She was thin to the point where he had questioned her about it. She had only responded with a glare. She was gaunt and pale, slightly looking like some amount life had been sucked out of her. She wasn't that skinny during the wars, but she didn't open up easily. Well, she didn't open up easily sober, and he wasn't about to get drunk with her again.

He looked to her at that moment, plotting the coordinates into the charts. She glanced over at him, once, then twice.

"You're staring, Rand."

"Not staring,_ thinking_."

"About me?"

"Nah. Well, kind of. Not you now, per say." Realizing where this conversation was heading, he silently berated himself in his head.

"Me of the past? Interesting. Anything you'd like to share?"

He brushed off thoughts of just opening up about everything and bristled through his teeth, "Not a chance," he admitted with a crooked smile.

She sat down next to him and smiled, not her genuine smile.

"Schutta."


	8. Chapter 8

Atton landed the _Ebon Hawk_ behind a small ice plateau, concealing the ship effectively from the looming Sith fortress in the distance. Revan donned her heavy outer robe, and offered a larger one to Atton. She also outfitted T3 with better traction to cross the snow and ice, assuming he could cross at all.

The cold hit them hard as they stepped off the landing ramp. The wind slapped at their faces as they ducked out from the plateau, surveying the surrounding area. It was deathly quiet as the snow fell in light flakes, peppering their hair with white. Atton shook out his floppy black hair, causing the melted snowflakes to wet his locks. Revan rolled her eyes at him as the snowflakes he shook out were soon replaced with more.

She motioned him to follow her and they clicked their stealth units in place and used the Force to hide their presence. If anyone were to scan the horizon from the fortress, all they would see is a grey utility droid sliding across the ice. And even he blended in with the amounting snow. They crossed the field of snow to where T3 had scanned a main underground power source. They followed the line until they hit a mass of wires and cables that fed into the fortress. Silence reigned still as they approached the outer wall.

T3 was able to clamp onto the correct wires, or what they had hoped were the correct wires. After a solid ten minutes, he chirped out a few quiet beeps. They deactivated their stealth units, but continued to cloak their Force presence. Revan pulled out a screen and connected it to T3, allowing him to display the information he had hacked. Atton bit his tongue as he watched her flip through the information slowly. He just wanted to barge in and kill every Sith until they told him where Natalya was.

"Check this out," she said softly. Atton's attention drifted from his heroic thoughts to the screen in Revan's hands. She flipped through all of the security cameras, curiously revealing that there was no one inside. Or at least no one that could be seen.

"I don't like this," she muttered as she continued checking each camera. "The upper level isn't monitored by the cameras, but still, an entire fortress of Sith could not fit on one level."

"Perhaps they're wearing stealth units? I mean almost all of the Sith I've encountered in the last two years have been invisible," Atton said, reminded of the eerie feeling of being followed, only to hear the distinct sound of deactivated stealth units and being attacked on sight.

Revan nodded, "Perhaps, but these Sith in the Outer Rim, they're different. They're deceptive, but wouldn't run an entire base invisible. This is a main outpost for transferring information between planets. I don't think that they would feel like they should be hiding."

"Maybe Natalya got to them?"

"Hopefully. But then again hopefully not."

"Why not?" Atton asked, their voices still hushed.

"Well if she had taken out the base, why wouldn't she contact us?"

"I don't know, but we should probably go in and find out."

She nodded again in agreement, "We'll have to be careful though, this could get very tricky." She straightened herself upright, and Atton noticed her skin had paled even more so than usual, the cold plucking the color from her skin. He silently wondered if he had looked the same, not even realizing how cold he was until this moment. Pulling his robe tighter around him, he heard Revan give T3 instructions.

"Stay here and monitor the cameras and the surrounding area, if you see_ anything_ besides us, I want you to alert me immediately," she said indicating to her comm link. T3 let out a low bwoop in reply, and her and Atton stalked off.

They snuck around to the back entrance that T3 had scouted out for them. Revan had admitted that while they did do some research for this mission, she hadn't been thorough due to the time restrictions. She told him that she felt guilty for Natalya's disappearance. Atton wondered to himself if she was looking for her out of guilt, or if she was actually worried for her friend. Natalya had briefly mentioned how close she was to Revan during the wars, but he wasn't entirely sure how close they were now considering Revan's memory loss and the way they ended things when Revan turned crazy evil.

They arrived at where the entrance was supposed to be, but the smooth wall showed no sign of opening. They felt their hands along the wall and kicked around the snow before Revan pulled her comm link from her belt and to her lips.

"T3, see if you can find out how to open this door. There's probably an inner mechanism that needs to be unlocked."

Minutes passed in shivering silence before a panel in the wall seamlessly stole from the fortress, allowing a tiny crawling space into the citadel.

Atton shifted uncomfortably upon realizing how cramped it was going to be getting in.

"After you," he motioned. She glared at him as she chirped a small thanks into the comm link and clipped it back to her belt. She lowered to her knees, reaching into the darkness. She heaved a shaky breath before lowering her head and back into the opening. After a couple of seconds since she disappeared into the darkness, Atton followed suit.

He focused on moving his hand and then his knee. Hand. Knee. Hand. Knee. He didn't want to wrap his mind around how his shoulders brushed the sides of the walls and if he lifted his head he would definitely smack it against the 'ceiling'. The darkness was seemingly endless, but soon a light shone at the end of the tunnel. Literally. Sucking in his breath, he burst forth from the darkness, not knowing what to expect on the other side.

Revan was standing in the metallic room alone, waiting for him. He stood, brushing off his robes. Neither removed their outer robes because it was still ridiculously cold inside. He looked at her, whose lips were deepening in color. A flash of fear arose in him as she opened a large door, leading to the main floor of the base. He shook it off, following behind her. Their quiet footsteps were the only noise in the empty base. No bodies, no signs of life. It was completely empty and completely weird.

They searched room after room, confirming that there was no one in the on that floor. A quiet beeping noise came from the distance, and Atton looked warily at Revan who turned in the direction of the noise. They opened the door, but it was another empty room. The beeping grew louder once the door opened, and Revan moved to a console near the far wall.

"This was their communications room. Or at least one of them." She fiddled with the controls while Atton's eyes danced around the room at all of the functions and machinery. He checked the door every so often to make sure they were indeed alone.

"They haven't sent any messages from this console in over a month," Revan bit at her lip as her fingers moved quickly over the controls, Atton wondered when she had gotten so tech savvy. Actually, he was wondering how she managed to be so skilled at whatever she tried to do.

"That would make sense with Natalya's timetable," Atton voiced his thoughts while he was trying to figure out the numbers. Yes, that would make sense. "But where is Natalya? And if she was able to infiltrate and clearly destroy the Sith, why didn't she contact you?"

"Well we can't be sure," Revan sighed, turning away from the console, "This is only the first level. We don't know how far up she got. The security is bound to be stricter the higher we get."

"Only one way to find out," he breathed out loudly onto his hands. His long, calloused fingers were a sickly yellow shade, "And hopefully it'll be warmer."

She let out a short laugh in agreement as they left the room. They waded through a few more empty rooms before finding stairs to the next level. They ghosted up the stairs, but the next floor was empty as well.

"How many levels are there?" He asked as she searched through a plasteel cylinder, looking for something that might give off heat.

"About six or seven? I can't remember for sure," she commented as she raised her head and lifted her arms out of the container, empty.

The third level was empty as well, but it gave off a much more eerie feeling. They were still quiet as they searched the base, careful in case there had been any stealth units there. Though Atton was sure they would have been caught by now, Revan insisted that they remain extremely quiet.

Before they reached the stairs to the next level, Revan noticed a door that they had missed. It had been over two hours since they first entered the base and Atton was about to tell her to skip it, but they were both drawn to the energy of the room. Giving each other a look, Atton opened the door.

Before them lay a body. Dead.

It was a Sith, for sure. It looked different from the ones that Atton had seen, though Revan recognized the uniform. He was clad in black robes, and a gold mask covered his face, red jewels adorned one side of the mask. His robes were large and bulky, most likely keeping him warm while he still lived.

"That's not fresh," Atton bit the inside of his cheek, the smell of the room alone was enough to indicate that.

She nodded, bending down to take one of his robes. He could see her visibly shaking, but the robe was extremely bloodied and revolting. She was going to keep it anyway, but dropped it immediately when she found his lower arm still within it.

"That was definitely from a lightsaber," she said, wiping her hands on her own robe.

"Natalya," his breath came out hitched. Each level of the fortress brought a new level of anxiety. At last they finally had found some evidence of her, but what did it mean? He looked to Revan, who gave him an empathetic look.

He went to turn around, but felt the barrel of a blaster digging into his back. He nearly jumped in surprise, but looked to Revan who was in the same position.

"Drop your all of your weapons!" A deep voice bellowed out. Atton caught a glimpse of the speaker, who was heavily armoured, but surprisingly in Republic colors. There was about ten of them, armed and protected. The armour was strangely Mandalorian-esque, but most likely to keep their entire bodies warm, because it enclosed their faces in large masks. They definitely weren't Sith.

A moment of eye contact with Revan brought mutual understanding that they probably wouldn't be able to take down all of the guards. The cautiously removed their lightsabers from their belts, lowering them carefully and slowly onto the metallic floor with a soft clank.

The one with the blaster to Revan's back jammed it into her a little harder, "I said _all_ of your weapons!"

Atton noticed her open her mouth in protest before the man jammed his blaster into her back a little harder.

"Hey!" Atton heard himself call out. Revan glared at him for speaking out before reaching into her robe and removing a knife from her boot and a blaster from her belt. Atton restrained himself from snorting out loud before their arms were pulled behind their backs.

"This way," One of the men gruffed, pushing Atton forward and up the stairs. Revan was somewhere behind him, he could hear a small cry of pain and some struggle, but by the fourth level she was quieter. The level had a few of the strange Mandalorian Republic guards walking about, still completely covered in the harsh cold. They were forced into a small room, much like the others. The door locked, leaving the two of them alone and bound.

"What. The. Frack." Atton called out angrily. Revan glared at him before she brought her bound wrists under her backside, pushing herself back and over her wrists. She pulled her legs close to her, maneuvering her arms so that they were now in front of her. No matter how easily she made it look, Atton knew he would never be able to do the same. He was too big, his broad shoulders would never be able to twist his arms underneath him like that.

"No fair," he muttered. She didn't laugh or look at him, just sat silently. He could tell she was deep in thought, but didn't dare use the Force for sake of her presence being recognized.

They sat quietly for what must have been an hour without being disturbed. They sat in silence as Revan didn't respond to any of his musings or ideas of what the guards were. He didn't like the look of their armor, but it was strange that they were wearing Republic colors. They certainly didn't act like they were in the Republic, and Atton was sure that Revan could be recognized by anyone in the universe.

The silence continued before Atton realized that she was shaking. Every few seconds a violent shiver contorted her body. He frowned and lifted his chin at her.

"Are you okay?" He asked, knowing the answer already. She looked up at him with muted eyes. He knew her lack of body fat would prove to be a hinderance. Sure he was cold, but nothing compared to the way she shook.

He nodded for her to come over to where he sat, "Come on, at least you'll be warmer."

She blinked a few times before lifting herself off of the floor and walking over to where he sat. Her skin was a yellowed pale and her lips were trembling.

"Don't tell anyone," she said softly, "I have a reputation to protect."

She sat next to him and drew closer to him, he nodded his approval, "What reputation?" He asked, hoping some sort of conversation would warm her.

Her arms bent at the elbow and pulled close to her chest, she then leaned on his side and pressed her head against his shoulder. "You know, big, bad ex-Sith Lord. Single handedly defeated the Mandalorians and brought the Republic to its knees. Redeemed and killed Malak. It's like I'm some legend, off in the Unknown and saving the galaxy. It's not who I am."

"And who are you?"

She was quiet for a few moments, "A very broken person."

Her next breath came out heavy before she shifted so she was much closer to him. Her body acted naturally as it searched for heat, her head snuggled into his chest and he couldn't necessarily argue, due to the fact that he was cold too. He would've held her, had his hands not been bound behind his back. Instead, he sat there for a few moments in thought.

"Me too."

She lifted her head to look at him, some color had returned to her face. Realized the close proximity between them, she leaned back slightly, but her eyes continued to watch his. They stared at each other for a few moments before their eyes drew to each others lips. He didn't pull back as she leaned in closer. Time slowed as he could've sworn his heart had dropped into his stomach. This wasn't happening, no, this couldn't be happening, but it definitely was happening.

"Jaq," she breathed.

His head jerked at the sound of that name and his features quickly turned to stone. He heard the sound of the door open in the background, but he couldn't pull away from her. Her eyes, suddenly realizing what she said, flashed in shock and perhaps shame.

"Atton? Revan?" A familiar male voice called out behind them.

Atton peered around Revan's head to see a tall male with longer blonde hair pulled back and piercing blue eyes that were narrowed in confusion and accusation. Atton's stomach dropped.

"Mical?"


	9. Chapter 9

"What are _you_ doing here?" Atton nearly yelled, standing and effectively moving Revan off of his lap.

"I could say the same to you," Mical answered in an accusatory tone, gesturing to Revan. Atton looked down at her, completely snapped out of what almost happened.

"Uh-uh, you ain't getting out of this one like that. In case you didn't realize, it's freezing and we've been locked up by your little guards after being held at _gunpoint_."

Mical's lips were a permanent frown, "They were only protecting Natalya. We sensed movement in the lower levels so we sent our guards to go deal with it. We don't get visitors often, so I volunteered to check it out for her."

"How noble of you," Atton snarked, but at the mention of Natalya's name he lost his zeal to fight with Mical. "Where is she?"

"Upstairs," Mical sighed, coming around to removed their bounds. Atton stretched out his cramped shoulders once his wrists were free.

"Thank you," Revan said gracefully, "It is a pleasure to see you again, Mical. No matter what Atton says, you're a much better sight than a battalion of Sith."

"I could imagine," Mical returned to his normal graciousness as he led them out the door, "Curious as to why you didn't receive our messages. It certainly would have made your trip a lot easier."

"Messages?" Atton asked sharply.

"Yes, we sent out multiple messages, receiving no reply. I have to admit, we were _worried _for_ you_."

"You knew we were coming?"

"Well yes, Revan had found me a short while ago, briefing me on the situation. I told her where you were and then came here myself."

Atton raised his eyebrows as he looked to Revan, her eyes averting his gaze.

"_He's_ the one who told you where I was?" Atton looked at her incredulously, she focused her attention on turning to walk up the stairs.

"Mical," she began, "Who were those guards? I haven't seen anything like that in my previous liaisons in the Outer Rim."

Mical looked at her once, then twice as they continued up the next staircase. "They're the new troops that Mandalore sent. The treaty with the Republic finally went through, Admiral Onasi himself argued for the approval of it. You weren't aware?"

Revan shook her head, "I've heard of the treaty, but I didn't know it was passed. I thought the Republic was still pretty wary about trusting the Mandalorians."

"They were. But the Admiral's arguments were incredibly convincing. They approved it merely hours after his public speaking last week. He was implicit about the trust of Mandalore, whom we all know as Canderous. It was a good thing too, seeing as all the help we're going to need."

"I must say I'm impressed with the uniform. Inconspicuous," she laughed.

"Ah yes, but these are just some of the first troops. The treaty is still new and they sent some immediately to aid us here on Ziost. Some of your troops are here as well, along with Natalya and myself."

"Yeah, good to know you guys have had some quality time together," Atton muttered as they ascended the final staircase.

"So what has happened here?" Revan asked, "How has this whole situation come about?"

"That," Mical said with a smile as they reached the final stair, "is a story for another time."

Revan gave him a strange look as she heard a loud woman's voice, "Kasari!"

Suddenly Revan was wrapped in slender arms, though they looked large compared to her small frame.

She pulled back, looking Revan in the face, "I missed you!"

Revan finally smiled, "I missed you too!" She took her in her arms once more as Atton ascended the final step behind them.

"Kasari?" He asked incredulously, waiting for the realization to dawn on Natalya.

"Well that's her name and oh—" Natalya turned to face him, her eyes looked at him in disbelief. "Atton!"

Immediately she was in his arms, her familiar body shape was warm and soft and so, so perfect. He lifted her off of the ground and spun her a few times before settling her down and kissing her full on the lips. She smiled as he pulled away, her eyes dancing as they gazed at his.

She nudged him in the upper arm with her fist, "What have you been calling her?"

"What?" He looked at her in confusion, then looked over to Revan, who was standing next to Mical, her eyes looking around at all of the machinery and operations. Mical's eyes were like daggers. "Oh, uh, Revan?"

Natalya's eyebrows crinkled for a moment before she let out a short laugh, clearly amused by this, "And she hasn't cut off your arm yet? It's amazing you even made it here alive!"

"Yeah, though it wasn't looking so good at some points," he laughed, nodding at Revan. She had a smile on her face, though not the genuine one that Atton had grown to appreciate.

"We have a lot of catching up to do," Revan pointed out, looking at Natalya.

"I know," Natalya answered, her face grew serious. She then broke out into a small smile, "I just can't believe you're here! When the men said that they detected activity downstairs I thought that maybe it was some rogue Sith figuring the base was still operational. I never would've imagined it was you two. You have to tell me everything, how did you even find Atton? How did you get here, is there anyone else with you?"

"Revan's right," Atton smiled as he brought his arm around her shoulder, cutting off her train of thoughts. His memory flashed briefly to the exchange between him and Revan merely minutes before. "We do have quite a bit to catch up on." But he would not be telling her about_ that_.

Natalya nodded, then pulled away from him, "I couldn't sense you guys here. If I had, I would've let you in immediately, at least to get you out of the cold." Atton realized that it was indeed, much warmer on this level.

"We had no idea that you had taken over this base," Revan noted, "I wasn't sure if you were even alive. That's why I sent Mical in the first place and sought out Atton myself. I thought something went wrong with the plan."

Natalya crinkled her nose for a moment in thought, "You never got my messages? That would make sense as to why you never replied. That explains why Tash never responded either. I explicitly told him to contact you to tell you I'm all right."

Revan smiled at the mention of whoever Tash was. Atton looked at her curiously but she continued to avoid eye contact with him. He knew by this point that it was on purpose, most likely because of what happened in downstairs. The thought struck him that her or Mical could tell Natalya, and that worried him slightly, but he looked down at the woman he loved and brushed off the thoughts.

"I'll assign you some rooms," Natalya said, motioning to a hallway to their left. They walked down the hall to two rooms at the end. Natalya showed them the door to an empty room for Revan, "Why don't you rest for now. We have a lot to discuss but I'm sure you don't want to do it right away."

Revan smiled softly, "Thank you Natalya, I'm just really happy you're safe." She pulled her in for yet another hug.

"I could say the same for you," Natalya smiled, and then nodded to Atton, "Thank you for bringing him here safely."

Revan's smile turned thin and she nodded her head graciously, "How about we meet in a few hours for dinner and we can analyze our information and form a plan"

"I'll arrange it myself," Natalya bowed cordially, evoking a small laugh from Revan, who turned and closed the door behind her.

"Always the leader," Natalya said with a roll of her eyes. She turned to Atton who stood behind her in the hall, "I just can't believe you're here."

Atton scanned her eyes carefully, "You are happy I'm here, right? You don't want to abandon me or anything again for my_ protection._" His tone was harsher than he intended and it smacked the happy expression off of her face. Before she could speak he reached out and pulled her closer to him.

"I'm sorry," he sighed, "I didn't mean to sound like that, I just, uh, it hurt, you know? This whole time that I've been coming for you I've been worried and couldn't wait to see you but there's just this nagging feeling that—"

"Stop," she interrupted, "Just for a moment. I know you need to get this out and I have a whole lot I need to say to you as well, but," she took his hand and led him to a door, "we should at least talk in private."

He nodded as she unlocked a door, leading him into a fairly industrial bedroom. It had robes and gadgets strewn about, looking as took apart every weapon she had come across.

"Sorry for the mess," she noted, "I wasn't expecting company."

"It isn't anything I didn't expect. I did spend like a year with you on the _Ebon Hawk_, remember? I didn't think you were too messy until I noticed how clean it was with Revan on board."

"Yeah, she's always been like that," she said with a distant look, she focused on him again, "So how was_ that_ for you? I'm sure you guys had a blast, you're basically the same person."

"I don't see it," he muttered under his breath, a little apprehensive to talk about Revan.

"No, no, I've spent enough time around both of you to know. Sarcastic, stubborn, dark past..."

His memory flashed back to moments before. _Jaq_. What the hell was that about? And what even happened between them? Certainly not anything that he _wanted_ to happen. Nope. Not at all.

Casting aside these thoughts, he looked Natalya square in the eye, "I need to know you won't leave again. I can't have you back, I can't do this if I'm not sure you'll be here tomorrow or a year from now."

"I know," she sighed, "And I'm sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing, but each day I realized more and more how wrong I was to leave you."

"Then why didn't you come get me? Why didn't you find me and take me with you? I've been wasting away for the past year. I'm a mess, I don't know who I even am anymore."

"I don't know, I couldn't shirk on my responsibilities, I couldn't be sure of what I really wanted. I...I...just had a lot of excuses but I guess I was just," she looked down, avoiding his harsh gaze.

"What?" He prodded in a kinder tone.

"I was afraid you would hate me for what I did. I thought that if I found you...you wouldn't want me anymore."

"Do you still feel that way?"

"I don't know. You were happy to see me and all, but I know I've caused you a lot of pain and I—" Atton interrupted her with a kiss full on the lips, bringing her mouth to his in a desperation that expressed all of his feelings for her. He pulled back, holding her head in his hands.

"How do you feel now?"

"I think one more would do it," she laughed, snaking her arms around his neck, pulling his head down to hers. After a softer, slower kiss, she looked up at him with wide, almost fearful eyes.

"I'm sorry, Atton. I shouldn't have been so afraid. I won't leave you again."

He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face, and pulled her in for a tight hug. He held her for a few, long moments before letting her go, noticing unshed tears in her eyes. She looked up at him with such love in her eyes that he smiled back, but a small pang of guilt hit him at the back of his mind.

"I need to make arrangements for dinner," she said softly, removing herself from his arms. He nodded distantly as she smiled through closed lips and turned to leave. Her presence lingered even after she left the room, but Atton knew what he had to do.

He left the room himself and walked down the hall to where Natalya had shown Revan an empty room. He knocked swiftly on the door, not too concerned if she was resting or meditating or whatever the hell she did all the time.

He sensed some apprehension before the door opened, revealing a bleary-eyed Revan who looked like a giant mix of emotions.

"Come in," she said quietly. Atton swallowed and walked through the door, his emotions picking up steam.

"Care to tell me what the hell happened down there?"

She placed her hand over her forehead and eyes, "I don't know, Atton. It's not like anything _actually happened_. I was just...scared and cold and I don't know. I commiserated with you and I wasn't even thinking, and I, I—"

"No, no not _that._ I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk about that."

She rolled her eyes and then looked at him suspiciously, "Then what did you mean?"

"You called me Jaq."

"So?"

"I never told you my name was Jaq."

"Are you sure?" She turned her eyes away from his stern gaze.

"Yes. And I _knew it_ from the beginning that you were holding out on me. You remembered the whole damn time, didn't you?"

"Not the whole time!" She snapped.

Atton looked at her with smug satisfaction, "But you _did_ remember. And that's not all of it, is it? The first conversation we had was a lie! You remember everything, don't you?"

"What is this, an interrogation? In case you didn't notice, I'm not one of your Jedi you can_ torture_," she spat.

A flood of anger welled up in Atton, "I did that for _you_," he growled, "And I quit because I was _afraid of you_. Don't you dare throw my past in my face when yours is bloodied tenfold!" Realizing how loud his voice had become and how she hadn't cowered away, he took a step back and breathed deeply for a moment.

A few minutes passed in awkward silence.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," she spoke quietly. "And you're right, I was holding out on you. To be honest, I'm not sure why. I guess I didn't want to say anything until we found Natalya. I wasn't even going to tell you about Carth at all, but I don't know. Things just got kind of messy along the way."

"Yeah," he said uncomfortably, thumbing his hands into his pockets, "I'm sorry I got so angry. I thought I was over my past after Natalya forgave me for it and I became a Jedi. But seeing you, I guess it just brought up some memories I wasn't ready for."

"It's okay, and I should've been honest with you," she sighed, sitting down on her bed, "I only remembered you or 'Jaq' a few hours ago or yesterday, or whenever we landed. You brought me out of deep meditation, I'm sure you remember. I was having visions, or memories I guess. It was the first time that I'd really seen the Jedi Civil War for what it was, through my memories. And I saw you. This past year I've been having flashes of memories. When Natalya found me, it...it sparked something."

He stood before her in thought, his eyebrows crinkled as the past few weeks flashed before his eyes, "That makes sense," he sighed, "I just wish you had told me earlier."

She nodded, "In hindsight, me too."

He gave her a small smile before she looked at him with concern, "So what happened downstairs," she hesitated, "that was...?"

"I'm willing to forget it ever happened," he said with a fake smirk.

"Of course," she agreed, but shook her head, "I can't say the same for Mical though."

Atton was about to reply when there was a knock on the door. Atton swore under his breath and Revan stood to walk over to it.

"Yes?" She called out.

"Hey Kasari, sorry to disturb you, have you seen Atton?"

"Yes," Revan winced, "He's in here."

_Damn Jedi honesty._


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh," Natalya looked at them blankly as Revan opened the door. "Could I steal him for a moment?"

Revan's lips formed a closed mouth smile, "Of course, he's all yours."

Atton looked between the two of them before leaving the room with Natalya.

"What's up?" He asked as the two walked down the hall.

"Well I just wanted to finish our conversation from earlier, sorry I kind of just left."

"That's okay," he said quietly, looking over at her. She looked exactly the same, only her hair that usually hung loose was pulled into a harsh plait.

She led them to a large observation deck. It overlooked an expanse of snow and rock, seemingly endless and harsh under the falling snow. They sat close looking out the window for a few moments of quiet.

"Not that I care," Atton said looking out the large window, "but T3 is still out there."

"My men went and picked him up," she said with a small laugh, "And you definitely care, Atton."

He looked at her and shook his head, she promptly nodded hers back.

"So," he said, toying with a frayed edge of her robe, "What did you want to talk about?"

She looked up at him and hesitantly looked back down, "I'm sorry."

He brought his fingertips to her chin, lifting her eyes back to his, "For what?"

"I was rude, wasn't I? You were talking to Revan and I interrupted and I'm sorry. I just missed you a lot and I should probably apologize to her as well and—"

"Don't worry about it," he planted a slow kiss on her lips, "We were done anyways."

Natalya's eyes flashed an emotion he couldn't place a finger on and she looked away for a moment. She turned her attention back to him with a renewed happiness, "So what have you been up to the past year?"

"Did you really want to know?"

Her face fell slightly, but she spoke firmly, "Yes."

"Well shortly after you left, I took off. I don't know why I didn't try to come after you, I guess I'm still a deserter. I think if Revan hadn't come and found me, I might've never seen you again."

"Don't say that," her voice was quiet.

He looked away, "No, no it's okay. You know me, sweets, just trying to follow some path to redemption. I didn't think that path would've led me back to Nar Shaddaa."

Her lips played a small smile, she knew what was coming next. "Let me guess, lots of drinking and pazaak?"

"You got it, babe. But it was good for me. I realized that those cheap things I held onto for so long didn't mean anything to me anymore. They were trivial compared to the things I had done with you. I didn't want it, but it was all I had. So I was weak and I stayed. Then one night Revan showed up and here I am."

"I'm glad you're here," she said, wrapping her arms around his middle and settling her head onto his chest.

"I think you've mentioned that once or twice," he smirked.

She lifted her head and looked at him square in the eye in a playfully serious way.

"Not that I don't love it," he said, holding her a little tighter.

"I love you," her voice was quiet, but sure. He could've sworn he could feel her smile against his chest.

"I love you too, sweets."

They sat like that for a while, as if just holding each other could make up for a year apart. They didn't need anything else but each other, understanding the pain that they had endured the past year. Atton knew he needed her, and just her. She was beautiful, understanding, and the one Jedi who could make him see the light. He held her tightly, as if he let her go she would be lost once more.

He was fearful that she would leave again, but swallowed the fear. Fear could lead him down a dark path, one he wasn't willing to follow if it meant hurting Natalya. He couldn't do it, not when she was there, so pure, so loving. Forget what the Jedi said, their love made them stronger. And besides, she promised.

They stayed like that until they were informed that dinner was ready. Atton was reluctant to leave, he wasn't hungry and much rather would've stayed alone with Natalya. But as they neared the private room, there was Revan and Mical, pleasantly chatting near a table adorned for dinner. Natalya smiled at the sight of her friends and he almost forgot how happy those around her could make her. The Jedi Masters told her that she had an effect on others, but he didn't think they realized how much of an effect they had on her.

She wrapped her arms around Revan and then Mical, and Atton bristled through his teeth quietly. She had spent the past three weeks with him, couldn't she leave him alone for three hours before needing to hug him again?

"Sit down," she ordered politely, gesturing to the table.

Atton sat next to Natalya, looking up to notice Revan sitting across from him after Mical had taken the seat on his other side. She gave him a tiny smile through closed lips, he figured she wasn't entirely over what happened earlier. It was weird, he had to admit, but most everything that had just happened was removed from his mind at the sight of Natalya.

Conversation was awkward at first, but soon flowed easily. Revan recounted the memory of her and Atton sneaking in, not knowing at all that Natalya was here. She admitted to feeling foolish for not realizing this, but Natalya brushed her off.

"You couldn't have known. You should have seen Mical when he first arrived, good thing I was surveying the field when he landed. He was as pale as a ghost when we approached his ship."

Mical laughed politely, but Atton could tell he was embarrassed. Why did he still wish to make such a good impression on Natalya? He knew that her and Atton were together.

"What I don't understand," Mical spoke after swallowing a mouthful of food, "Is why you arrived so late? I assumed that once I had left you, Revan, that you and Atton would leave right away. You should have arrived only about a week and a half after me, according to my calculations."

"According to your calculations?" Revan questioned with a tone of humor. Her eyes glanced at Atton before she took a more serious tone, "The _Ebon Hawk_ had some...difficulties."

Natalya looked up at Revan, then turned to Atton, "Is it okay?"

Atton nodded before finishing Revan's thought, "We had to make an emergency landing on Lianna. It was a killer detour, for a seedy city it was pretty boring."

"I don't know," Revan said with a smirk, "it was pretty interesting a few times, wouldn't you say?"

He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out if she was being serious or trying to stir up trouble. His mind settled on trouble and shrugged it off, "I guess if you find sitting in your room for a week straight is 'interesting' then by all means, it was interesting."

Natalya raised her eyebrows in question, "You just sat around the entire time? That's not like you two."

"That's because we didn't," Revan said with a deliberate glance at Atton. "He must've blacked out along the way because I specifically remember kicking his ass more than a few times."

"Yeah, right." He said with overstated sarcasm, "You weigh like twenty pounds, I don't think there's _any way_ you could kick my ass."

"Or really? Because I'm pretty sure that didn't stop me. Not like you could come up with anything else to do, if I didn't suggest sparring we would've just sat in our room drinking the entire time!" Her voice slipped from the silliness of their conversation to a strange animosity.

"Hey, you're the one who bought the alcohol!" Atton retorted with the same tone.

"Yeah, because you're literally the most boring person I've ever met!"

"Oh, I'm boring? 'Miss let me meditate the entire trip and talk to a stupid droid for hours'! Could you make it any more boring?"

"He's not stupid! A lot smarter than you, actually. And maybe I would've talked to you if it wasn't impossible to unless you were drunk!" Her voice slipped into a pathetic mockery of his voice, "I have a dark past and the only person I could possibly even talk to about it is Natalya but it's your fault that she's dead and I hate you and I'm going to mention weird things about my past but never tell you _anything_!"

"You're guilty for the same damn thing, don't you even give me that! You'd cry about Carth for hours but wouldn't even tell me anything until you were completely drunk!"

"I didn't cry _once_ about Carth. And that was nothing compared to your incessant whining about Natalya the entire time!"

"Stop!" Natalya cut in. Her voice was sharp and her eyes were angry. For the first time, Atton realized that they were with other people. He had been so locked in on Revan he had almost completely forgotten that they were seated at a nice dinner. Revan seemed to reflect the same feeling, and Mical looked between the two of them, slightly wary.

"Force, were you like this the entire time? It's amazing you even got here alive, seriously." Her tone was disapproving, looking between the two of them like she couldn't believe that she had to cut in like that.

"No," Revan said quietly. Natalya raised an eyebrow and looked to Atton, who shook his head and looked away.

"What is wrong with you two?" Natalya said with the furrow of her brow.

Revan bit her lip in thought before looking at Natalya, then him, then back to Natalya, "I guess there were some annoyances that we didn't quite hash out. We probably needed to get this out here, but not during dinner. I'm sorry, that was wholly inappropriate."

Atton bristled, "_Some_ annoyances?" Natalya gave him a sharp look and he closed his mouth, then spoke once more, "I agree, it was wrong to bring it up now, but I'm not sorry for what I said. Sorry, sister, but maybe Natalya was right, we're too alike. And in case you didn't notice in the past two weeks together, I don't like myself too much."

He stood and walked towards the door, stopping for a moment to look back at them. Natalya looked distraught, and Mical looked horrified. Revan looked angry, but there was something behind it, and he could've sworn that this was her intent.

Swallowing his pride, a very difficult thing for him to do, he returned to the table. "Alright. I am sorry. I'm an ass and I didn't mean to ruin dinner," he swallowed hard and looked up at Revan, "I'm sorry for what I said. You weren't a complete schutta the _entire_ time."

"Gee, thanks," she smirked at him.

"Well," Natalya looked between the two of them, "Better that you get it out now rather than later, especially when we return to our original base."

"When are we leaving?" Revan asked.

"We still have some work to do here. I'd like to continue the investigation on our communications and try to figure out why none of our messages are being received."

"Yeah, that definitely would've helped us considerably," Revan noted.

A look of guilt shadowed Natalya's soft features, "I'm sorry about that. I can't imagine how much worry I've caused."

"It's okay," Revan smiled, "We've found you, and that's all that matters. I'd like to return to the base sooner than you. I don't know exactly how long you'd like to stay here, but I'll probably go back to the base probably the day after tomorrow."

"Alright, but I'll miss you again. It's been forever, Kass, we need to have a nice long talk before you go, promise?"

"Promise," Revan said with a small laugh.

They were all done with their food, politely excused from sitting any longer around the table. Mical looked thoroughly relieved to leave, and Revan smiled and hugged Natalya before retiring for the evening. As soon as the two were left alone, Natalya looked at Atton expectantly.

"What, am I in trouble?" He asked playfully. Her face turned serious and she walked out of the room, Atton followed, knowing that's exactly what she wanted. She led him back to her room before turning and looking at him expectantly again.

"I'm going to need a little more than that to go on, sweets."

"You were mean."

"So was she, and yet you want to have a nice long chat with her," Atton defended.

"She's one of my best friends, Atton. She's been through a lot lately, but I'm not about to chide her for speaking out."

"So you come to me instead. Funny, didn't think you played favorites."

"Don't give me that, Atton. You know I love you, but I love her too. I don't want to have to parent_ both_ of you."

Atton gave her a strange look before reaching out his arms to bring her close, "I'm sorry, Natalya. You're right. You always are."

"Don't you forget it," she smiled, her seriousness faded.

He tilted his head to the side before kissing her deeply, "How can you ever forgive me?"

She looked up at him breathlessly, "I can think of a few ways."

Natalya wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him fully. He brought his arms down and around her waist, smiling before kissing her again, parting her lips with his tongue. A small noise of content emitted from her throat, causing Atton to hold her a little tighter.

His hands worked their way down before locking them under head backside, lifting her off of the ground. She wrapped her legs around his waist, bringing her hands along each side of his face. He stumbled slightly before finding the bed, throwing her down onto it a little ungracefully, but in a desperate way. She smiled up at him before removing his outer robe and bringing her cool hands to his bare chest.

"You look exactly the same," she mumbled.

"A year isn't that long, sweetheart," He said between kisses and removing her robe.

"No, it is far too long. I've missed you, I've missed _this_, so much."

He kissed her hungrily, not waiting to move slowly. No, they needed this, there was no time to enjoy every inch of her and to tease her, only a desperate need awaited them. Her cries were airy and sweet, and it was as if they could make up for all the lost time in one night. That if they tried, they could forget everything in a warm embrace and tangled legs.

Long after it was over, he stay awake holding her in his arms. She had stayed awake for a long time as well, but soon her soft breathing fell heavy and steady. He held her closer, breathing in the sweetness of her hair and her skin. Soon he slipped into his own, restful sleep.

But when he awoke, the world was on fire.


	11. Chapter 11

Atton awoke suddenly to the sounds of explosions in the distance. Natalya was fully dressed and by his side, shaking his arm and pushing on him to wake him up. He sat up straight, knowing he needed to get dressed right away and get the hell out of there. She looked at him desperately, and so he bolted out of the bed and threw on his boots and robes just as the base shook.

"The Sith," she breathed as she led him to the door, "They're bombing the base."

He wordlessly followed her, rushing through the base. Troops were scattered in a rushed haze, and Atton could've sworn he saw Mical's serious face trying to escape the base. Atton hoped to the Force that the_ Ebon Hawk_ remained untouched and that they could fly out of there immediately.

He kept his eyes focused on Natalya as he passed through the haze. As they reached the second level he gripped her hand tighter, the next explosion was imminent. It soon rocked the base, ripping her from him as they were both thrown forward.. Metal broke down in a fiery haze, raining down on them. He felt a sharp jab in his shoulder, but picked himself off the ground. They needed to get out of there.

Atton looked around with bleary eyes, smoke and the smack to his head made his vision blurry. He struggled and blinked rapidly, trying to make out Natalya's form. He spotted her robes about ten feet away from him, causing a drop in the pit of his stomach. She lay unmoving, and as he approached he noticed she had a sharp piece of metal in her arm, blood smeared around it. Not willing to waste time or lose her again, he hurled her up into his arms.

He hurried down the stairs to the first level, blinking as much as he could despite needing to see. He broke through the Mandalorians and Revan's army, seemingly moving in every direction. He figured they had a ship somewhere, they had to, but wasn't about to risk it. He was finding a sure way off with the woman that he loved.

"Atton!" He heard behind him. He spun around to see Revan, her face serious and her arms clutching at her side. She ran to catch up with him and they both continued forward.

"I'm going to the _Ebon Hawk_!" He shouted over the noise as the base shook once more. She nodded and gripped his upper arm as they tried to get through the crowd. Atton hadn't thought that there were this many men around before, but he knew that he needed to focus on getting out of there. It didn't help that him or Revan had never really learned the layout of the base and were practically running blind. The smoke continued to build, burning a hole in Atton's lungs as he tried to focus.

They found an exit just as a huge shot hit the top of the fortress, causing the top two levels to collapse. The cold hit them in sheer force, as neither had any heavy robes on. In his hurry to get dressed, Atton hadn't even put anything on under his outer robe. He shifted Natalya in his arms, she wasn't a big woman but her weight took its toll on his tired limbs. He and Revan crossed the snow, trying not to look up at the enormous Capital ship above them. The plateau looked to be untouched as the fortress continued to be battered by the firepower of the ship. Atton was pretty sure he had been cursing for the past however long he had been awake. They ran through the snow, trying not to slip.

Behind the plateau revealed the_ Ebon Hawk_, and Atton didn't think he had ever been so relieved in his life. The loading ramp came down and they scrambled into the garage, their chests heaving in exhaustion and shock. Atton did not allow himself more than a few moments before putting Natalya into the medbay and hurrying to the cockpit. He heard the loading ramp behind him open and close once more and hoped to the Force that it wasn't any Sith.

His worries were calmed as he started up the ship and heard Mical's voice behind them._ Of course, of all people to find the _Ebon Hawk_ it has to be him_, Atton thought to himself. He shook these thoughts as the more prominent worry was how they were going to get around the Sith ship looming above them. Revan scrambled into the cockpit, strapping herself into the copilot's seat.

"We have a couple stragglers," she breathed heavily, looking frantically above them.

"I heard," he answered, lifting the ship off of the ground. Another ship, much larger than his, lifted from the base. Atton figured that was what the Mandalorians had used to get there. He swallowed hard when he realized a lot of men were still on the ground.

The other ship rose more quickly than the_ Ebon Hawk_ and Atton and Revan watched in horror as the Sith blasted a hole right through the lower end of it, sending it reeling to the ground. It hit it hard with a loud crack and was soon engulfed by flames. The _Ebon Hawk_ slipped by in the chaos, unnoticed over the explosion below.

"We'll have to go back!" Revan shouted over the cacophony. Atton glanced at her like she was insane.

"There's no time! They're all dead anyways!" His voice croaked over the noise, but he continued to steer them off the planet and into the safety of space. Her jaw set and she looked blankly out the window, Atton glanced over at her a few times, but she continued to stare straight ahead.

As soon as they were safely out of range, Atton put the ship on autopilot to some planet in the Mid Rim. There was no way they were staying in Sith space, especially since they were probably going to be hunted by them anyways. Once the Sith realized that they were not amongst the carnage they would find them and probably kill them. Atton didn't want to stick around for that.

He looked at Revan a couple more times, and when he realized that she wasn't going anywhere he got up and headed to the medbay. He found Mical administering to Natalya, as well as a man he didn't recognize.

He looked at both of them, "Can I help you?"

Mical looked up and quickly dismissed him, returning to Natalya. The other man furrowed his brow at Mical and then looked up at Atton, extending a hand, "Tanner."

Atton nodded at him but didn't shake his hand, "Atton Rand. Is she going to be okay?"

Mical sighed and looked up at him, "Yes Atton, she will be just fine. I've removed the metal and bandaged her up. Some clear air and space from _other people_ will do her a great service."

Atton moved his head to see around Mical's. Natalya lay peacefully in the medbay bed, her arm wrapped. His lips twisted into a grim smile, even in the pain and blood she was still beautiful. He looked down at his own bloodied hands, for a moment lost in the familiar sight of blood caked in the fine lines and grain of his palms.

"I should probably get out of here," Tanner said, looking between the two of them and stepping around the bed. For the first time, Atton really looked at the man. He realized then that he was one of the new Mandalorian recruits, his body still encased in the tacky armour. He looked relatively young, at least younger than Atton, which was surprising because his hair was silver and black, which stood high above his head.

"What did you say your name was?" Atton looked at him squarely.

"Tanner. Happy as hell that I followed your friend Mical out here or I'd probably dead."

"Yeah, with the rest of them. Is there anyone else on board?" Atton asked the two of them. Mical continued to monitor Natalya, ignoring Atton, but Tanner had his attention.

"No, just us and the other woman. Wait, did you say the rest of them are dead?"

"Yeah, the other ship went down hard and I'm pretty sure they won't leave any alive in the base. You're looking at the only survivors."

The man's face fell. His smooth features crinkled in shock and disgust, "Damn Sith," he muttered under his breath. Atton watched him for a moment before returning to the cockpit. Revan was still there, slightly more crumpled and still staring off.

"You're moping," Atton smirked, "I didn't know you actually cared about other people."

"Not now, Atton. An entire base was just destroyed and hundred of lives were lost. Plus it's most likely our fault. So excuse me if I can't handle your ill-timed humor."

Sobered, Atton sat in the pilots seat, "Our fault?"

She sat up straighter and turned to him, "How could it not be? I mean, we arrive not even twenty four hours before the Sith arrive and bomb the hell out of it. Call it what you want, but I think it has a little something to do with us."

Atton bit at the inside of his cheek as he mulled over her words. It did make sense, but how did the Sith know that they were there? "Perhaps they were planning it anyway and we just happened to show up at the wrong time?"

The look she gave him was enough to know that it was a stupid thought. He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his stained hands. The smell and taste of death enveloped him and he couldn't think straight. His mind blurred the lines between past and present, and he suspected it had a lot to do with the woman sitting to his right.

He looked up at her, scrutinizing her face. Her wide blue eyes were bloodshot and she had a small trail of blood tracing her cheek. Her attention turned to him, "What?"

"What?"

"You're looking at me like I'm a dying Ewok."

He shifted abruptly but returned her gaze, "You're doing something weird with the Force."

Her eyebrows shot up, "Like what?"

"I don't know, but stop it. Whatever projections you're sending me or memories that you're thinking too hard about, you need to stop. I can't handle it right now."

Revan looked at him seriously, then sighed, "You're full of scrag, Rand. Just go away."

"Nope, not this time, sister. I've been on this ship with you for weeks and I've let you shoo me off and dismiss me, but not this time. I don't want you in my head, I don't want anyone in my head!"

"I'm not doing anything with your damn head! Force, I don't even want to know what goes on in there. I don't need your accusations, _Jaq_. Hundreds of people just died and you're here _accusing me_ of messing with your head."

"Like hell you aren't! You don't think I can't feel you in there?"

She was silent and still for a long time, watching him closely. Atton felt uncomfortable under her gaze, but wasn't willing to back down. Her eyes slipped closed and he felt her presence prodding at his barriers, much stronger than the whispers he felt in the quiet.

His mind immediately went to pazaak, preventing her from entering. Her eyes opened and she narrowed them at him.

"Why are you blocking me?" She asked.

His eyes returned her glare, "I'm not _blocking_ you. I'm shielding my thoughts. In case I didn't make it clear, I don't _want_ you to in my head."

"But you weren't doing it before."

"You've been through my head? What, are you trying to read my thoughts while I'm sleeping?" His voice cracked awkwardly as his anger developed.

"No! I wouldn't do that to you, just as I wouldn't want you to do that to me. No, just sometimes I...hear you. Nothing big or important, no life ruining secrets that I'm not already aware of. You're just...there. Like..." Her mouth snapped shut.

"What?" Atton nearly shouted. His breath was ragged and he made a mental effort to calm himself. He couldn't help getting upset, here was this woman who used to be a Sith Lord and had him torture and kill Jedi, and now here she was, somehow redeemed and crawling into his mind.

"It's just that, with Bastila...I uh, it was the same kind of thing. Atton, we had a Force bond. It's possible that—"

"No. No, no, no, we...we do _not_. Us? Nope, this isn't happening."

"Atton, it isn't completely—"

"Sorry to interrupt," Atton looked up to see the new guy under the frame of the door, "but the lady Jedi in the medbay is awake and asking for you two."

Atton stood and walked past Tanner as quickly as he could without looking like a crazy person. He didn't want to think about it. He thought he left his past behind and here it was, chasing him down and trying to_ bond_ with him. He couldn't catch a break. He heard Revan behind him but pushed it out of his mind. He pushed every thought of her out of his mind. He couldn't handle this.


	12. Chapter 12

Natalya was okay. Her arm was in pain, but she was able to get up and move around a bit. She was tired, she had hardly slept and the exhaustion from the base had caught up to her. Not even being unconscious for a few hours could make up for the tiredness that she held.

Atton let her lean on him as he, Revan, Mical, and Tanner sat in the main hold. Everyone looked worse for the wear, though it wasn't entirely unreasonable. No one had any sleep or really knew what was going on. Atton watched Revan, her mind clearly calculating their next steps. It was interesting to see how quickly her mind worked and how easily leading came to her. He didn't say anything though, and he turned his eyes every time she looked over at him.

Natalya's soft weight focused on his shoulder, and though she wasn't too heavy, he couldn't focus his strength to keep her still. There was too much going on in his mind. Revan was once again trying him, they had just survived a massive attack on Ziost, and now they were roaming endless space with a man that he couldn't stand, a stranger, and two women. One he loved, and the other confused him endlessly.

His shoulder threatened to give out, so he tried to adjust his body. He focused so heavily on it that he noticed he was trembling. He knew that he needed to remove her weight from him, so he tried to move his shoulder, succeeding in completely removing his support system and causing her to fall slightly before she caught herself. She sat back, her weight gone but her face twisted into confusion. Atton had been too relieved to notice. The others in the room had also seemed oblivious to the exchange.

"We should at least get some rest and figure out what we're going to do when we're all able to function properly," Revan said at last. Atton hadn't expected that. She always came up with a plan, she was always ready. That's what made her so dominating during the wars, it's what made Revan one of the greatest leaders of their time.

The rest seemed to agree and so she stood, "Bunk assignments? How about Mical, Tanner, and I take portside dormitories. Atton and Natalya, you can have the starboard dorms to yourselves."

They all separated, Atton not missing the look that Tanner gave him, nor the disapproving one that Mical threw at him, though he was pretty used to that. Natalya had started down the corridor to the starboard dorms, leaving him and Revan alone. She tried to speak to him, but he really could not process anything else from her, so he walked away.

Always was a deserter.

He could almost feel her frustration and confusion, as he was sure she was getting some pretty nasty feelings from him. He shrugged them off, though they still itched in the back of his mind. Nope, nothing. No bonds were forming or whatever. He refused to believe it still.

Natalya had already stripped down to her base clothing, picking one of the bunks at random. Atton watched her for a few moments before entering the dorms himself. She sat on the edge of the bunk looking up at him as though waiting for his direction.

"That's Revan's bunk." The words came out of his mouth before he could even think about them and he really just wanted to shut off his tired mind.

"Oh? And which one is yours?" Her eyebrows crinkled upwards.

He sighed, sitting on the bunk next to the one she was on. "This one, but don't get any ideas. It was weird being the only ones on the ship."

"Weird?"

"It was as if the quiet could kill you. Neither of us wanted to sleep alone and so we slept next to each other, no big deal."

She pursed her lips, but seemed to accept it. Atton made a mental note not to tell her about sharing a bed with Revan on Lianna. He himself wanted to forget it. He wanted to forget that woman even existed. She caused trouble wherever she went, her entire history was enough to prove that.

Natalya stood and walked over to the bunk he was seated on. Sensing his current weakness, she wrapped her arms around him. "It's okay," she spoke softly. He bit his lip, feeling like an idiot for being so emotional lately. But really, it hadn't even been forty-eight hours since Revan had almost kissed him. How much did she remember?

Natalya's hand reached up and brushed his cheek, bringing his focus to her face. She looked sad, though he was pretty sure that was because of what happened on Ziost. Him and Revan hadn't known any of the men that died there, but surely she had, and surely she had much more to grieve than he did.

He brought his own arms around her, holding her as tightly as he could. She took a deep breath against his chest and pulled him down into the bunk, curling herself into his chest. Atton waited for her to fall asleep before closing his eyes. Her ragged breathing became steady, giving him a sense of comfort that her warmth usually brought him. It was enough to console him to sleep.

_He was on her flagship, watching Darth Malak speaking in harsh whispers with Admiral Karath. As one of the leaders of her elite special forces, he was waiting to receive confidential orders from her, only spoken. The war had reached a precarious point. These interrogations had grown increasingly important, and Jaq was one of her best. He knew she relied on him._

_He spotted her dark robes across the bridge, unmistakable amongst the Sith troopers. She was heading towards him, not appearing as male or female under the robes, but he knew. Those who served her in the Mandalorian Wars also knew. Revan wasn't to be messed with, and she certainly wouldn't take any scrag from him._

_He stood straighter as she approached, Malak had come to her side, staring daggers at Jaq. His smooth jaw remained in place instead of the metal prosthesis. He hardly left Revan's side when he could, and had a strong disdain for Jaq. But the feeling was mutual. She nodded at him, and he followed her to one of the communications rooms. Everyone cleared at her order, leaving her, Malak, and Jaq in the room alone._

_Her black gloves reached up and removed the mask. The blue of her eyes pierced him, rimmed in red, completely bloodshot beyond repair. The shadows around her eyes were black, making the hollows of her bones look as deep as the cracks of Malachor V. Dark veins traced her smooth gray skin in purple and black streaks. Her face gave no indication as to how or what she was feeling, but the blood in her eyes streaked heavily, causing a deep fear in the pit of Jaq's stomach._

Atton awoke with a jolt. Natalya had pushed him away, looking at him wildly. Her chest heaved and her uninjured arm now sported four half moon imprints. Thin blood seeped through each mark.

"What the hell?" Atton mumbled looking at her arm. Each half moon matched the size of his nail, looking down at his hands he could see the faint blood on his fingertips.

She looked at him almost fearfully, "Was it a nightmare?"

He nodded, looking away. He hadn't seen Revan like that since the day he left the Sith. It was a nightmare that he hadn't seen in years. _Damn that woman_, he thought to himself.

"Tell me," she whispered.

"It was nothing, you should go back to sleep," he said, getting out of the bunk. He pulled his robe around his bare chest, a small chill ran through his body as his bare feet touched to cool metal floor.

"It wasn't nothing," she said sternly. She pointedly looked at him and then lifted her recently bloodied arm.

He pressed his lips together, taking a deep breath through his nose, "I can't." She opened her mouth to protest, but before she could speak he shook his head, "Not right now."

He left the dormitory behind him, realizing that the others were still asleep. T3 whirred quietly in the garage, and for some reason Atton longed to see Bao-Dur working in there. The man was the epitome of calm and understanding, and though he didn't know where he was at this moment, he knew that his presence was needed. At least for Atton.

He padded into the cockpit, grateful to find it empty. He hadn't been alone in the cockpit for what seemed like ages, though it must have only been two or three days. He traced his hands along the controls, his mind so full that he didn't think he could fit anything else inside it. He brought his knees up, his feet catching on the seat. He pressed his forehead against the length of his thighs, his long legs hardly able to curl up into the seat adequately. Slightly shell shocked, his eyes slipped closed and brought him fitful sleep.

He awoke later to the quiet stillness of the_ Ebon Hawk_. Though it did not last more than ten minutes as he soon heard voices coming from the main hold. Tanner and Mical were the loudest, Tanner most likely unaware of what was going on and Mical most likely choosing to ignore it. _Wise choice, doc_.

He heard footsteps approach him, knowing immediately that it was Revan. Each woman had a different gait, and Revan's steps were much lighter, allowing him to easily distinguish who was approaching. Her steps were quick and sure, bringing her swiftly to the copilots seat. She sat down and looked at him with a seriousness, ignoring the fact that he probably looked like hell.

"Seeing as you slept in the cockpit, I'm assuming that you had a similar dream last night."

Atton's gaze turned quickly from the stars to her eyes, relieved to find them clear and blue.

"Did you..." he couldn't finish the sentence. Logical words would not form in his mind, his lips twitched as he tried to think of how to go from here.

"It was from your perspective," she spoke softly, "I hadn't known how horrifying I looked. We must have shared one of your memories...I don't know what to make of it."

His face twisted into a scowl, "Sharing memories? We've been together for nearly two weeks and we haven't shared any memories before. Why now?"

She looked away, "I don't know, Atton. This is only really the second night since I've really remembered you. Maybe we've been blocking it subconsciously. I don't know, but I'll meditate on it."

He bristled through his teeth, "Yeah, _that_'ll do you some good. Last time you meditated it brought you a slew of memories and got us into this damned mess. But sure, go on and meditate, come back when you have some answers."

"You know, being hostile towards me and everyone on this ship isn't helping anything. Natalya—"

"Just get out of here, would you? I didn't ask you to come here and hassle me, if I had any say in the matter I wouldn't have even seen you again after that kriffing day back when your eyes were as bloodied as the memories of war."

She sat stonily in her seat, processing his words. He couldn't stand seeing her at that moment, and so he stood and left the cockpit.

On his way to the main hold he ran into Natalya, her arm healed presumably by the Force. He grasped it and pulled her into the communications room. This horrible night had to end at some point, and all he really wanted was some sort of comfort. He certainly wasn't going to get that from Revan.

He pulled her close, suddenly needing her in a way that he never needed her before. He brought his lips to her ear, "I'm sorry, I just—"

She pulled back and looked at him with intent, "No, I'm sorry Atton. I shouldn't have expected things to go back to normal after a year apart. I realize that a lot has changed and _we've_ changed. I'm sorry I expected you to be open again and share your dreams, it wasn't fair of me."

"No, no," he breathed, pulling her close again and resting his chin on the top of her head, "I do trust you, I have no idea what came over me." He winced as he realized that he did have an idea, but as she tried to pull back again he held her tighter.

"Atton?"

"Yes?"

"How long has that been blinking?"

Atton let her go and followed her gaze to a screen on the wall. It was flashing rapidly, signaling that they had an incoming message. He looked to her and then walked over to it, "It's from yesterday, before the Sith bombed the base."

He heard her approach him, "We should wait for the others before we listen to it."

He looked at her with disbelief for a moment before nodding his head, "Just not the new guy, I don't trust him."

"While I don't think it's fair to judge him before he's proven to us whether or not he can be trusted, I agree. This message could have sensitive information, whoever is sending us this has to know how to contact us and where."

"Perhaps it would be better just to listen to it on our own?" Atton suggested, not wanting to see either Mical or Revan. Force knew how much he could handle either of their presences right now.

"We should at least include Revan."

While he didn't want to agree, he knew that he had to. Revan would hear the message, whatever it was, and figure out the best course of action. Natalya knew it and Atton had to admit it.

He stayed in the communications room while Natalya went to retrieve Revan from the cockpit. They returned quickly, Revan's demeanor significantly different from when he saw her last. She pushed him aside, fiddling with the controls before a familiar voice played from the console.

"_This is Carth Onasi. The _Ebon Hawk_ has been gone for over a standard week, and though I know not her destination, I know her passengers. If this is who I intended to receive this message, I need your help. I know you might not want to come back, and though I was hesitant to contact you, I am desperate. Due to the nature of your mission, I cannot give you every detail. Please trust me when I say I need your help, and the life of a young man is in danger. You know where to find me._"

"Paranoid schutta," Revan muttered under her breath. Surprised, Natalya and Atton both looked up at her.

"We have to go," Natalya spoke gently, though Atton was pretty sure she didn't know the current state of Revan and Carth's relationship.

"And lead the Sith right to Telos?"

"Come on Revan, you know that they'd think twice about attacking Telos. It's not that far away and we can't even be entirely sure that the Sith are following us." Natalya crossed her arms, and looked to Atton. His eyebrows quirked, trying to tell her he had no idea what to say.

"And you can't be sure that they aren't following us. I'm not about to let the Sith destroy that planet again."

"But Carth needs us, and I'm betting that it has to do with Dustil," Natalya lifted her head as if she had won the argument.

"Listen, we don't know anything at this point. It isn't wise to just assume everything, we could be endangering millions of lives here. I'm sorry Natalya, but I'm saying no."

"How many 'young men' does Carth know? It has to be Dustil, and I'm not about to let him die because you're paranoid. You're just like him, Kass, don't deny it. He asked us to trust him, how can we just avoid him when he needs us?"

Revan looked away, sighing in thought, though Natalya took it as defeat. She turned away from Revan and towards him, "Atton, plot a course for Telos."

Atton looked at her for a moment before nodding. He didn't want to admit that Revan had a point, and the Sith had already attacked Telos twice in the past ten years. They certainly didn't need it, or weren't prepared for it. Dustil, whoever he was, could die either way.

Revan stared at him stonily before leaving the room. Atton looked to Natalya, who only prodded him into the cockpit. Atton pulled up the star charts, plotting a course for Telos.

He had a bad feeling about this.


	13. Chapter 13

"If you had acted like this during the Mandalorian Wars I would've stripped you of your title."

"That's funny because I did act like this and it always worked out. You just have to trust me."

"Natalya, I'm not being funny here. I am legitimately concerned that we are bringing the war to a place where we cannot win. This is a poor tactical move and it could be our last. I'm not asking you to think about it, but I _am_ asking you to_ think_."

There was a long silence on Natalya's end. Atton couldn't read her facial expression because his eyes were closed, trying to sleep in his bunk. From the sounds of their voices, it sounded as though they were sitting on the bunk next to him, speaking in hushed tones. Though they weren't hushed enough to actually allow him to rest.

It had been a trying day, really, and Atton just wanted to be done with it. He had spent most of the day avoiding everyone, making him wish that he could have been alone with Revan and T3 once more. Well perhaps not Revan, but the quiet was something he was used to and now he had to deal with these two women fighting, Tanner's endless complaining, and Mical's groveling to said women. And now he couldn't avoid them. The dorms were the one place he thought that he might actually find some peace and quiet so that he could rest, but at some point they had come in.

He thought about moving to the cockpit or, gods-forbid, the other dormitories, but he was tired and had didn't particularly want to be near the other men. He wasn't even sure if he liked the two women in his room right now. Well of course, his and Revan's relationship was rocky at best, though there were some points during their stay on Lianna that he had found that he enjoyed her company.

But now that she remembered him...it was like she looked at him differently. She didn't apologize or ask for his forgiveness, she didn't treat him differently. The only thing that changed was the way she looked at him. It wasn't entirely different, her face remained the same, but her eyes, those eyes that used to haunt him now saw through him.

That was the difference between her and Natalya. Natalya could listen to the stories of his past and still accept him, which was loving and reasonable. But Revan, she could see his past. If he were to confess the darkness he committed during the wars, Natalya would listen, but Revan would see. And that didn't sit well with him.

"You sound like Kreia," Natalya's voice was slightly defeated.

"Well she _was_ one of my masters."

_I don't remember my childhood, any of my original masters, or anything, really._

Filthy liar.

Atton rolled over so his back was to them, hopefully getting his point across that he didn't appreciate whatever they were doing. By the sound of their voices, they hadn't noticed at all.

"We can't just ignore Carth like this," Natalya said.

"I understand why you feel that way, but I promise, this is a terrible idea. We can't do this, Nat."

"What happened to you? You would've done anything for Carth, even two months ago you would have."

There was another long silence before Revan spoke again, her voice hitched, giving Atton the impression that she was close to tears. He had assumed she was immune to tears, but perhaps there was a human side to her after all, one that didn't want to ruin every good thing he had.

"I came back for the _Ebon Hawk_, he still had it from when you gave it to him. I don't know Natalya, I couldn't do it to him anymore. Seeing him again, I realized that there was so much dividing us. He's too good for me, he's pure, and I...I'm not. I never have been. I can't love him anymore, and I told him I didn't."

"But do you?"

"I don't know. A while ago I told Atton that I did, but I'm starting to think that I don't."

"You talked to Atton about this?" Natalya's voice had a humorous edge to it, though Atton wasn't too keen on them talking about him while he was supposedly sleeping. But at this point he was used to spying, so he continued to lay lifelessly in his bunk.

Revan let out a small laugh, "Yeah, we had the best time together, Nat. I don't know how you put up with him."

"Most of the time I don't either, but I love him," Atton could almost feel their gazes on him, "And don't lie, I know the two of you. You guys probably had a blast drinking and sparring with each other, despite your little spat the other night. And apparently you guys had a few heart to hearts."

Revan snorted, "Yeah right, I don't think he's capable of that...well I guess we did, thinking about it. We _did_ talk about our feelings a lot, I don't know, Nat. He's difficult to read."

It was quiet for a few more minutes before Natalya spoke in a low whisper, "What do you remember about him?"

"Nothing."

Atton nearly jumped out of the bunk. Why would she lie to Natalya like that? What could she possibly gain by pretending not to remember? He tried to think about it, but his tired mind refused to think logically, leaving him weird assumptions and a strange desire to get up and yell as many profanities as he could. How could this trip be any more confusing?

"We're close to Telos," Natalya's gentle voice changed the subject, "We might as well go anyways. Dustil is in danger and you know that Mical and I are some of the best healers. They need us."

"You're not going to get me to agree with you. I promise that I wouldn't knowingly leave Dustil to die, and perhaps he won't, but I think that us going there is endangering his life more so than if we were to stay out of it."

"I understand what you're saying, but Carth sent that message to us. He knows what you're fighting against, how you feel about him, and still he tried to reach you. He knows the dangers out there, and still he's willing to risk it."

"You're hearing, but you're not _listening_, Natalya. Carth doesn't know the darkness that is out there. He doesn't know the depths of the blackness, he hasn't seen what I've seen. Not even you have seen it."

"I'm not letting you do this, _Revan_. I've seen these Sith, Force I took down an entire base by myself. I am not afraid, and trying to inspire fear in me so that you don't have to see Carth again isn't going to work. Unless you can fly this ship elsewhere, we're landing on Telos," Natalya's voice slipped into an emotion Atton had never heard before.

"Just...think about it. I would like to think that you trust me, but if my bad feelings aren't enough to stop us from going to Telos, then we'll go. I won't stop you or the rest of these fools." Revan's voice was spiteful, and he heard her light footsteps hastily leave the dormitory.

Natalya's warm body was soon next to his. He waited a few moments before rolling over towards her and bringing her close to his chest. He could tell by her breathing that she was trying to hold in strangled cries. He held her tightly until her breathing softened and found a steady rhythm. Her hair was soft against his fingertips and the words that Revan had said echoed through his mind.

_He's too good for me, he's pure, and I...I'm not. I never have been._

The words echoed over and over again as he realized that the same was true for him and Natalya. Surely she was too good for him, he didn't deserve her. Her motives were too good, good to the point of being stupid and killing them all on Telos, well at least according to Revan. Natalya had many lives to account for, but once more her motives were pure. She was stopping the war.

Her forgiveness hadn't come with a price, but thinking about it now, the price was and always would be the guilt that he carried from his past. Blood on his hands, the hatred that he carried with him for so long, those were the things that haunted him, things that he couldn't escape and now couldn't forget.

His thoughts trailed off as his eyes grew heavier. He loosened his grip on Natalya, but still snuggled her close against his chest. No, he did not deserve her.

_"You cannot feel it, can you?" Revan's stony voice spoke evenly behind the mask, directed at a much younger Natalya. She was battered and bruised, her armor cracked in several spots and her eyes blackened._

_"No," she admitted._

_"And so you're returning to them."_

_It wasn't a question._

_There was a long pause before Natalya spoke, "Yes."_

_"Then this is goodbye," Revan pulled the mask off of her face, her eyes dark and her skin ashen. Though her eyes were free from blood, the darkness was evident on her face.._

_"I doesn't have to be, Revan. You could come with me, Malak could come too. Surely the Council would be willing to accept you before this gets out of hand. They would forgive you. Though you have fallen it doesn't—"_

_The Force wrapped around Natalya's throat, lifting her off the ground._

_"You know nothing." Natalya's choked body was thrown against the wall, falling to the ground. "Forgiveness is not what they have planned for you, and soon you will learn the Council's true intentions." Revan walked over and kneeled by her body, looking down on her as gently as a mother and her sick child._

_Natalya looked up at her with weak eyes, "They're all...all I have left, they can...help," she choked out. Her breath had not returned to its normal cadence._

_"They will not help you, but_ I_ could help you. We're leaving soon, and I would have you come with us. You will always have Malak and I."_

_"No, Revan. You...you and Malak...you are lost."_

_Revan stood and put her mask back on, "Go to the Council. Return to those fools, I have warned you and you will see that I am right. This is goodbye, my friend, I fear that after this point we will not see nor hear from each other again. I'll miss you, but our path divides here."_

Atton's eyes opened wildly, returning him to the _Ebon Hawk_. It was just a dream. Just another, horrible dream. Natalya still lay next to him, her eyes closed, breathing in and out in peaceful sleep. She must not have shared the dream, but perhaps...

Revan.

It must have been one of her memories. If they truly had a Force bond it would only make sense, though he had never shared dreams or memories with Natalya. He brought a hand up to rub the side of his face. He was beginning to think that he was less miserable back on Nar Shaddaa. At least he had alcohol there.

Careful not to disturb the sleeping woman, he lifted himself from the bunk and padded into the main hold. Tanner was in there, cleaning the barrel of his blaster. His face was grim and Atton was beginning to wonder if there was anyone on this ship who wasn't miserable.

"Have you seen Revan?" Atton asked.

Tanner looked up at him and then gestured with his head towards the cockpit.

Atton's mouth turned into a straight line, "Thanks, man."

He walked quietly through the corridor that lead to the cockpit. Her small form was in the navigators chair, curled up and tilted to the left. Her head was resting on her knees and her shoulders were trembling.

"I'm assuming that you had a similar dream last night," Atton said, entering the cockpit, knowing that those were the same words she used on him yesterday, or whenever that was.

He made himself comfortable in the pilots seat, looking over at her. She lifted her head to look at him, and his throat clenched when he noticed that her eyes were red and puffy, though no evidence of tears was apparent on her face.

"I don't want to talk about it," her voice came out hoarse.

"Ah, but we're going to anyways. You see, yesterday _I_ didn't want to talk about it, but now, now that it's one of _your_ memories and I've seen the way you treated Natalya, you don't want to talk about it."

"What do you want from me, Atton?" She snapped, "You know who I was, your crimes do not compare to the acts that I've committed. You just saw how I treated my kriffing best friend! So what do you want from me? What is there to talk about?"

She bit her lip violently, and Atton could see that she was holding everything in. A small drop of blood escaped her lip, trailing across to the corner of her mouth. She let out a small noise in pain and then pressed her lips together.

She stood, Atton watching in silence and perhaps fear. Her fists gathered in her hands as she breathed deep, calming breaths. She crouched and wrapped her head in her arms, clearly at war with herself. Atton hadn't even thought about how much self-hatred she must have.

"Hey," he said in as soft of a voice as he could manage, "I understand."

"No that's the thing, Atton. You don't." She stood, her face full of anger, fear, and now wet with tears. "You don't!"

Her fists gathered once more and she pounded the back of one against the metal wall.

"Dammit," she cried out as her fist struck the wall again.

"To," yet again.

"Hell." She beat the back of her fist and her forearm into the wall until it was sufficiently bloodied and aching. She cried out in pain, Atton watched in a confused horror.

He stood himself and pulled at her other arm. She was shaking violently, and so he pulled her close in a tight embrace. As if all at once everything had come undone, she let out the painful tears against his chest. Her breath heaved and coughed in an ugly cry, though Atton was far too shell-shocked to notice.

He held her until her tears subsided, her ragged breaths stilled. He let her go, her backing up on her own and looking up at him with shame.

"If anyone were to understand, I guess it would be you," she admitted.

He raised his eyebrows and couldn't help the crooked smile that formed, "We don't have to talk about it."

She ignored his comment, "I shouldn't have let my anger control me like that, I thought I let all of that go. It's just...seeing it again for what it really was...the pain was too much."

His smile fell and he merely nodded.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that," she breathed, "Strangely enough, you're the only one I think I could allow myself to act like that around. So, uh, thank you. I think I needed that. I'm...I'm going to go meditate."

She watched him for a moment longer, and for once Atton didn't make a snarky comment about meditating.

He was still too shocked.


	14. Chapter 14

Atton stared blankly out the viewport in the cockpit. His mind felt glazed over as he continued to stare into the nothingness of space. He had been alone for a few hours, though he couldn't be entirely sure how long it had been. He refused to think, not knowing how he felt about anyone or anything. Instead he chose to play pazaak in his head and count the ticks in the power couplings. Anything to get his mind off of what was happening.

He wasn't even sure what was happening. Just that he seemingly gave his life once again to Revan and in exchange was reunited with Natalya. And now they were heading to Telos to save Onasi's kid or something, and may or may not be leading the Sith there. But who knew? He didn't, and he was positive no one else on the ship knew either. Except maybe Natalya, who may have been delusional about the whole thing.

As if on cue he heard her footsteps approaching the cockpit. He snapped his eyes from the star that he had fixated them on, and spun the pilot's seat slightly to get a better angle to look at her. Surprisingly, she still looked vibrant and awake. Atton knew for certain that he didn't, and Revan sure as hell didn't either. But then again Natalya was sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of the small torment in their minds.

She settled into the copilot's seat, a sight that shook him a little. The woman he was used to seeing there would badger and taunt him, or as recent events had indicated, smash her fist into the wall until she was bloodied and shaking. He had a sudden desire to leave this ship once and for all, take Natalya somewhere nice, maybe Alderaan, and get the hell away from everyone else. They didn't need this, well Atton didn't need this, but Natalya seemed content on trying to save the galaxy.

"How's Revan?" He asked, mentally cursing himself for thinking of her first.

Natalya looked up at him with those green eyes, reading his face and his thoughts with one sweep of her eyes, "She's okay, been in the cargo hold for most of the day."

Atton nodded, appearing to be in thought, "And what have you done for most of the day?"

"Well I certainly haven't hidden myself in the cockpit or avoided anyone for the majority of time spent on this ship."

_Ouch._

"Uh, yeah, if you haven't noticed, you're pretty much the only person I can tolerate."

She smirked at him, a genuine smirk at least, "I don't know, Atton, you seem to be spending a lot of time with Revan recently."

He inhaled sharply and tried to hold back a glare towards her, "Not like I actually want to."

She watched him carefully, "Atton, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"I'm not blind, you've been...different ever since we got on this ship. You know me Atton, you can tell me anything."

He looked at her for a long moment, considering spilling his guts. It wouldn't be the first time. But Revan's voice trickled into his head, she had told Natalya that she didn't remember anything. He would've told Natalya that they had been sharing dreams, but that would only have started drama between the two women. That was the last thing he needed.

And so he continued to look at her, telling her only half of the truth, but still it was better than he would've two years ago, "I've just been having a few nightmares, like the other night. I haven't, uh, I haven't really gotten a lot of sleep. I'm just tired, that's all."

She watched him for a moment before accepting what he said. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by light footsteps approaching them. They simultaneously turned to see Revan standing in the corridor with two mugs of caffa in her hands.

"Oh," she said quietly, "I didn't realize I was interrupting."

Natalya smiled up at her, though Atton could tell that she wasn't too pleased, "Don't worry about it. What have you got there?"

Revan looked down at the two mugs of caffa, wincing slightly, "A peace offering," she smiled a little bit, "I know Atton's been having a few rough nights and I haven't been entirely nice to him."

Atton locked eyes with hers as she reached out the caffa towards him. He accepted it with a small smile and a glance towards Natalya. What the hell was going on?

An awkward silence descended upon them as Atton took a sip from the steaming mug, he nodded slightly, "It's great, thanks. Just how I like it." He begged his face not to show the anguish that was going on in his mind. He felt completely helpless and confused and he considered just stepping out of the airlock. It was much less complicated than whatever this was.

Natalya's eyes did not leave Revan, her gaze was stony and made Atton entirely uncomfortable. She turned to him, still stone-faced, "How soon until we land on Telos?"

Revan shifted uncomfortably, but brought her cup of caffa to her lips. Atton glanced at her, then Natalya, and then at the console.

"About four hours, maybe more. Depends on how quickly we can get clearance to a hangar, but by Onasi's message I'm assuming it's gonna be real easy to get in."

"Sounds good," Natalya said pointedly, looking at him and then at Revan.

"Sure," Revan said with a grim half smile, "I should go check on Mical or something." She raised her cup in recognition and backed out of the corridor.

Atton set his mug down and looked at Natalya, who sighed and buried her face in her hands.

"I'm a jerk, aren't I?" She asked bluntly.

He watched her, taking in the moment. She was clearly confused, wanting to do the right thing but trying to listen to one of her best friends who was a tactical genius. She sat slightly slumped in the chair, adorable even with the struggled expression on her face. Without thinking, he reached a hand out to brush some hair off of her cheek.

"It's okay," he whispered, surprised at himself for he was not the comforting type. But looking at her, she looked so helpless, even though he knew that she could probably give him a fair fight if she wanted to.

"It might not be. We have to help, that I'm sure of. We just have to be ready for anything. Revan has a point, but I mean we can't just leave Carth." She looked up at him with those green eyes, bleeding her emotions through. She looked frustrated and a little at war with herself.

He nodded, not willing to argue with her at this point, they were already almost there and he was pretty sure she wasn't up for a fight. He knew he wasn't.

His hand squeezed hers tightly for a moment before letting her go. She looked up at him with a warm smile, "I feel like I've hardly seen you since we've gotten back together. I think I've actually started to miss you."

Not wanting to let the conversation go back to a dark place, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him. She lifted off the seat and into his lap, where he wrapped his arms around her tightly. She rested her head on his chest, bringing a hand up to finger the soft fringes of his robe.

In this moment, Atton thought that everything might turn out to be okay. Maybe it would just be Onasi's kid that needed some help. Perhaps Natalya and Mical could heal him or whatever and then they could leave. Maybe Natalya would be all set with trying to save the universe. Revan could handle it on her own. Maybe.

"You should rest before we land on Telos," she breathed into his chest, "You've been up for hours."

"And who will watch the cockpit?"

"I've got it."

"Oh really?" He couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, "And are you going to land the ship as well?"

She poked a finger into his chest, "Maybe I will. I am completely capable of flying this ship, Atton."

"Mhmm, right." He lifted her off of his lap and stretched his tired muscles out. He hadn't realized how long he had been sitting in there. "I'll take a nap or something, but make sure you wake me up about an hour before we're supposed to land."

She gave him a small salute, "Sure thing, captain." He turned to leave but she spoke up once more, "Oh and Atton?"

"Yes?"

"Could you send in Revan? We need to talk."

He nodded as he backed out of the cockpit, turning about a quarter of the way into the corridor. Surprising himself, he reached out with the Force to find Revan. He sensed her presence in the medbay, where he suspected she might be.

He poked his head in, greeted by Mical and Revan casually talking as they took inventory of supplies.

"Got a minute?" He asked.

She looked up and nodded at him, "Just a sec." She looked back down at the bandages in her hands, opening a drawer to set them aside. He watched her as she did such, her own arm free of bandages, leading Atton to assume she healed it with the Force.

She looked different to him, maybe not so much physically, but the way he saw her. He guessed that he understood her a bit more now that he knew her own self-deprecation and regret for the past. He knew how that felt, and in a lot of ways it comforted him to know that she was able to let it out for once. Natalya was right, they were too alike.

She looked up at him, jarring him for a moment as his eyes darted to Mical and whatever he was fiddling with. "What's up?" She asked.

"Natalya wants to talk to you, I guess. She's in the cockpit right now."

She scrunched her face together for a moment before standing. "Did she say anything specific?"

He shook his head, "Nope, sorry."

She smiled and patted him on the back as she walked by, "Don't worry about it, Jaq."

His stomach dropped as her form disappeared around the corner. A simple moment of normalcy ruined. Just when he thought that he could handle life on the ship, she had to call him Jaq. She knew what he went through and knew how much it would upset him. Although, he did call her Revan all the time. He hadn't even thought about how much that might bother her.

Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure what her new name was.

"Why did she call you Jaq?" Atton looked up and realized he was still in the medbay with Mical. The man's smooth features were twisted in concern, a lock of blonde hair fell out of his perfect coiff. He didn't understand how anyone could stomach the man.

"Go take a spacewalk." Atton turned quickly to leave, and walked tiredly to his ever welcoming bunk. He threw himself in it, knowing he didn't have enough time to sleep and was still concerned that he might have another nightmare. He wasn't ready for that, he never would be. And so he laid down, relaxing, but not putting himself in a vulnerable position.

_Only four more hours._

He wasn't sure if he should be looking forward to it or fearing for his life. The drop of his stomach told him the latter.


	15. Chapter 15

Atton was surprised as he was awoken by Natalya some time later. Apparently he had fallen asleep and happily realized that he hadn't had any nightmares or remembrances from the past. Natalya gave him a small smile as he groggily arose from the bed and followed him quietly back to the cockpit.

He had to admit to himself that it felt a little strange as Natalya strapped herself into the copilot's seat. He had been used to Revan sitting there for so long now, but knew she needed to as she spoke her kind words to Admiral Onasi. They gained clearance in a matter of minutes, and Atton yelled out to the rest of the crew to prepare for landing.

His mind flashed briefly to the last two times he docked on Telos. The first, he hardly knew the woman who sat next to him. She sat next to him then, as well, but he planned on leaving her as soon as they landed. Of course, the events on Telos prevented that, and sometimes he wondered what would've happened if he had left her then.

The second time he landed on there, Bao-Dur was beside him in the cockpit. Natalya had to prepare herself for facing Atris and Darth Nihilus. Those events seemed so far away now, as if they hadn't happened at all. It was strange to think that these things actually happened, or that they even survived. The amount of times Natalya had left on her own to fight the darkness was more than enough to have killed her, and yet she always survived. Though Atton wasn't sure that would always be the case. He winced at the memories of trying to stop her from going alone so often, and yet somehow she always managed to leave him. So easily too. He hoped that she at least held him in high enough regard to prevent her from so willingly sacrificing her life.

He gave her a curt nod, eliciting a small laugh from her as he brought the ship into the dock. They gathered in the main hold for a head check before exiting down the loading ramp. Admiral Onasi greeted them at the entrance of the docking bay. Natalya was the first to embrace him, and as Atton glanced over his shoulder he noticed Revan slightly cowering behind him.

Carth looked up at the two of them with a small frown, but extended a hand towards Atton. "Good to see you again," he said with a nod.

Atton returned the handshake as Revan stepped to his side. Carth turned towards her and for a moment it was silent. The tension was evident for all involved, except perhaps Tanner and maybe Mical, but Atton was trying hard not to wince as the two awkwardly looked at each other.

"Thank you for coming, despite..." he trailed off, but Revan nodded in return.

"You have Natalya to thank for that." She said bluntly. Atton looked up at Natalya, who looked uncomfortable, but was willing to speak up.

"About that, perhaps we should go speak in private?"

Carth nodded and led them to his private office. The four said goodbye to Tanner as he left to find a shuttle offworld. Atton couldn't say that he would miss him much, seeing as he hardly knew the guy. Mical had been closer to him than the rest, but even he seemed nonchalant about leaving him behind.

It was less awkward in his office as Natalya and Mical each took a seat across from his desk. Atton and Revan stood behind each seated person, but were far less connected to the conversation as the seated party.

"We changed our course as soon as we received your message," Natalya began.

Carth looked up at them with those big brown eyes, Atton sized him up to be in his late thirties, though his share of war was evident on his face. A good looking man in every right, but something in Atton was protective over Revan. This man was a soft spot for her, and she was clearly uncomfortable being here. Atton looked over at her, her face plastered with an unassuming expression. He gave her a closed lip smile, but at the sound of the Admiral's voice he turned his attention away.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice. I know you guys are busy and it means a lot that you'd come at all."

"Of course, Admiral," Natalya said with a smile in her voice, "but what is the emergency?"

Carth's face soured immediately, "I'm sure you've probably guessed it has something to do with Dustil. He was in the polar regions for a while, scouting out the restoration zones with the Ithorians. Some of my men brought him back a few days ago, burned badly with a lightsaber wound in the stomach. Apparently he'd been left for dead. He hasn't been able to talk, his condition not stable enough, so we don't know the exact details."

There was a long moment of silence, Atton watched Carth's face as he looked at Natalya's with perplexity. Suddenly she turned to Revan and Atton, her face red and her eyes worried.

"Atris."

Her voice was barely audible, but Atton's stomach dropped at the mention of her name.

"Who's Atris?" Carth demanded.

"I thought you killed that schutta," Atton realized his tone was the same at Carth's.

"As in Master Atris? From the Academy?" Revan inquisited.

Natalya looked between them with sudden confusion and her eyes looked overwhelmed.

She turned to Carth first, "Atris was a Jedi Master, she was on the Council that exiled me from the Order. She had a hidden fortress in the polar region, where she stayed with her handmaidens. During her time on the Council she was a historian, managed the archives mostly, but once most of the Masters were killed she took many of the holocrons with her. Many of them were Sith holocrons, and they corrupted her."

She turned to Atton, "I did fight her, but she was close to death. She wanted to die, but I allowed her to live. No matter what she'd done to me, I couldn't kill her like that."

"Yes you could've, Natalya. She turned to the dark side, she tried to kill you and you let her live?"

Natalya snapped her mouth shut, as she looked between Atton and Revan. They had similar facial expressions, and somehow she appeared as a shameful child.

"No matter what has been done," Mical spoke up in that calm, even tone of his, "It is in the past. For now we must attend to your son's injuries."

Carth looked at Natalya for a long moment before turning his attention to the rest of them, "Of course, I'll bring you to him. You must understand that the reason I sent for you is because none of our treatments are working. I think his only chance is with you, with the Force."

He continued talking as he left the room, the four Jedi followed behind him. Natalya quietly listened to him as she walked beside him, Mical barely a step or two behind her at all times. Atton wondered if he ever looked that protective over her, though he was never one to follow a woman.

Revan was walking alongside Atton to his right, her arms folded over as if she was cold. He tuned out Carth and Natalya as he turned his attention to her.

"You alright?" He asked.

She gave him a small roll of the eyes in response. Atton's eyes turned back towards the path they were taking. The Citadel Station seemed different, though Atton couldn't particularly point out why. The air seemed a bit more stale, and perhaps the lighting was dimmer, but it still had an eerie vibe to it. They clearly hadn't recovered completely since the two Sith invasions.

They were led to the medbay and down a corridor. They came to a room that was guarded by four Republic soldiers, unmoving and intimidating. They nodded to Carth as they stepped aside and the door opened. They looked wary as the four Jedi followed behind the Admiral, but seemed to accept that he was with them by his own volition.

Once inside, the sight was sickening. Dustil Onasi was in a medical bed, slightly propped up. His eyes were closed, though his face was difficult to make out amongst the charred skin. He was swollen and severely burned in several areas, and the extent of the damage had to have been hidden beneath the sheets of the bed. Atton decided that he had probably been a handsome young man, probably looked much like his father.

But now he was a mockery of everything he had once been, and he heard both Natalya and Revan's breath catch at the sight of him. Atton had to admit to himself that it was an unnerving sight, though Mical seemed unaffected. That was probably because he had seen much worse in his medical studies, and soon he was by the bed inspecting the damage.

Natalya joined him by the bedside, her face serious as she looked to Mical.

"It might be possible," he murmured, "At least to reduce the swelling and heal some of the internal damage. Though most of his skin is burned beyond repair."

Natalya nodded and looked to the three standing by the door, "Could we have some privacy?"

Carth looked at them for a long moment of silence before turning and leading Revan and Atton back out into the corridor. Carth looked too worried to even talk to them, his hand ran through his chestnut locks out of nervousness.

Atton felt wholly uncomfortable between the two. Revan was avoiding eye contact with anyone, her arms once more crossed and her back leaned against a wall. Between Carth's distracted daydreaming and nervous ticks, he looked at her with confusion and sadness. She did not return the eye contact, but Atton saw it, and it made him wish he stayed in the room with Dustil. That would've been better than this.

"Atton, would you accompany me on a walk?" She spoke up suddenly, keeping her eyes fixed on Atton with a small pleading look.

"I can take you," Carth interjected before Atton could respond. Revan bit her lip and winced slightly in pain from where she bit it the other day. Finally, she looked up at Carth, her face twisted into a thin scowl.

"I asked Atton." Her voice cut through the awkward quiet, though it did not help matters. Atton used all of his restraint to keep himself from wincing, but as she looked to him pointedly he nodded and stepped towards her.

He didn't dare look back at the Admiral, suddenly pitying him. The look on his face as they left was enough to know that he still loved her, though he scowled slightly at Atton and then returned to his anxious ticks. Atton wondered if he himself had ever looked like that concerning Natalya. He didn't ask Revan, though she wasn't in the best mood she would still probably find some way to tease him about it.

They walked calmly out of the medbay and into the busy dock module. They walked side by side for a few minutes before Revan motioned to an empty bench, which she promptly sat down in and cradled her head in her hands.

Taking a cue from last time he tried to speak to her, Atton remained silent by her side, waiting for her to start the conversation. If there were to be one.

He had his doubts after several minutes of waiting, but soon she lifted her head and looked up at him with tired eyes. "I didn't think that this would be easy in any sense, but I didn't realize how difficult it would actually be."

Atton scanned his mind for anything comforting to say, but could not think of any way to make a difference. Anything he would've said could only have made it worse. And so he stayed quiet, lending her an ear to listen, but not to overstep his bounds.

She looked at him for a moment, "I don't know what to say to him. Anything that I could say would only break his heart further, and if I were to go back to him it would only be a cheap imitation of what we had in the first place.

"I mean, I really don't think that I love him anymore. He doesn't need me, no matter what he might think. I'm not good for him, and he's too good for me."

"Does that mean you're done with him for good?" He finally asked.

Her blue eyes grew wider for a moment, the question suddenly somehow making everything real for her. Her eyebrows crinkled upwards in an expression that made her look helpless and hopelessly sad. He couldn't help reach an arm around her and pull her into his chest.

She was so thin, so small, that she crumpled easily before him. He had held her before, bloodied bruised and broken, and yet now she seemed her weakest. The brokenness of her heart was bared before him, and in any attempt not to see it for much longer, he held her tightly. She needed this, and Force, he didn't.

He didn't want to see her like this, but in a lot of ways he did. He didn't want to see her like this because she had been such a strong leader. In his mind he had always known her as the fearless genius, leading them to victory. She was so powerful, so strong, and he had held her in the highest regard. But knowing her now, he did want to see her like this. He knew how broken he had been inside because of his past, and he hated seeing her unaffected by it. Now that she was breaking down he could understand her better.

"Thank you," she said quietly into his chest. She cleared her voice and lifted her head, and against his mind's pleading, he did not move his arm from around her shoulder.

"For being here, I mean. Natalya hasn't really been encouraging towards me lately, and I've pushed Carth too far away, I needed someone. So thank you."

Atton averted his gaze and nodded, begging his arm to let her go. He could feel those blue eyes on him, but could not bring his own to meet them.

"Why do I always seem to find you two like this?" They looked up at Mical who was standing before them. Atton bristled through his teeth, but Mical sighed and continued to speak, "We've done the best we can to help him for now, and Natalya would like to go over our plans going forward."

Atton grumbled a reply and Revan thanked him as they both stood and followed him back to the medbay. Atton wondered if things could ever possibly go back to normal, and with each step towards the medbay, his bad feelings increased.


	16. Chapter 16

Mical eyed Atton and Revan suspiciously the entire walk back. It wasn't until they entered Dustil's room that Atton even allowed his eyes to grace Revan once more. Natalya greeted them with a grim smile before they turned their attention to Dustil.

Atton had to admit that the kid looked better, if not for the damaged skin. The swelling had decreased significantly, though his eyes remained closed, but his breathing steadied out and was less laboured.

"His condition has been stabled considerably. I don't know if he'll ever fully recover, but he should be able to function as normal when he awakens," Mical noted, though his voice wasn't hopeful.

"We need to figure out what to do about Atris," Natalya interjected. The three looked up at her as she spoke, she merely lifted her eyebrows and returned their gazes.

Revan shifted her stance slightly as she cleared her throat, "I'll go."

Something tugged at Atton's chest, but he didn't speak up. If anyone were to kill Atris, Revan would be able to easily.

"No, I should be the one to go. This is my unfinished business." Natalya looked stonily at Revan, though Atton could tell she was slightly shaken. His chest tightened further, but this time he was willing to speak up.

"It should be Revan," he said as calmly as he could, "She killed Malak, she'll be able to kill Atris."

"Yeah and I killed Sion, Nihilus, and Kreia. All three of which were more powerful than Malak, I can do this, Atton."

"No you can't," Revan interjected, "Because you didn't last time. I can get the job done and I can do it quickly. Besides, I have nothing to hold me back. I can't let you go, I think Atton would have a conniption. There's nothing here for me."

"Don't say that," Natalya said through a struggled breath, "You sound like you're throwing your life away. You will always have me, and I won't let you go alone. I know where she is and I've had experience dueling with her in the past, if we go together perhaps we will defeat her more efficiently."

"Nope, I ain't buying that one," Atton said with a scowl, "I'm not about to let both of you leave me behind to fight some psycho Sith schutta. Besides, someone has to stay in case the Sith decide to arrive anytime soon."

"Atton does have a point," Mical interjected, "You two are the only experienced ones when it comes to fighting Sith lords. We can't have you two together when we could face a Sith threat here. Splitting you up makes the most sense in this situation. I would accompany whoever is to fight Atris, but I fear I am needed here to attend to Dustil."

"I'll fight Atris, I'm sorry Natalya but I don't trust you to fight her alone." Revan tried to sound as calm as possible, though Atton could tell there was a fire building within her.

Natalya sucked in her cheeks for a moment, "I don't like the idea of you going alone, though."

"I can handle it, trust me." Revan broke out into a small smile of encouragement. Natalya's face, however, was set in stone as she thought about it.

Natalya's gaze landed on Atton as she looked up at him with sad eyes, "Take Atton."

His eyebrows shot up, "What?"

"No. You'd kill me if anything happened to him," Revan nearly cried out.

"No, it's what's best. I'll be here watching the station, Atton can fly you to the polar regions and together you can fight Atris. She's alone and Atton's been there before, I'm not saying I like the idea but it's what's best."

Atton raked his mind to think of any excuse not to go. No matter what angle he took, the only way out was emotional, and he couldn't use that against Natalya. He wouldn't.

Revan, however, was not above emotional blows, "Natalya, you were separated from Atton for over a year, you were miserable the whole time. What if he dies? This is a dangerous mission and it's not entirely impossible. Are you willing to risk it?"

"This is a testament to your abilities and Atton's as well. He's not incapable of defending himself, and I wouldn't let him go if I didn't trust you."

Revan stared at her for a seemingly endless time span, "You're winning too many of these fights. I think I might've lost my touch."

Natalya broke into a smile, "Hey, it happens, Rev."

Revan mock pouted and then let out a light laugh. For a moment it didn't seem as if life and death were on the line.

They talked to a few minutes, going over plans. Natalya wasn't too pleased with potentially not seeing any action, but was willing to do what was best.

Atton grabbed Natalya's hand as they exited the room, leaving Mical to watch over Dustil. Revan left to find a shuttle to take them the polar regions the next day, as the _Ebon Hawk_ would stay at Citadel Station. He held it tightly as they meandered the modules of the station, looking for the accommodations that Carth had set up for them.

* * *

_"We don't have much time, Jaq. Do what you have to do, I'm trusting you not to mess this up. If things get out of hand, do not hesitate to kill her."_

_Jaq muttered his affirmation and clicked off the comm link. The words of Darth Revan lingered in his head as he made his way through the halls of the prison area. Upon reaching Interrogation Room 29G, he opened the door and greeted his prisoner._

_She had been a pretty woman once, now she was battered, bruised, and swollen. Her eyes were puffy, and her skin reddened and blood stained. Her face did not change as he came closer, though he knew her barriers were breaking, and just the slightest sliver of fear slipped through._

_He kneeled down to where she sat on the floor, reaching out and grasping her chin as hard as he could between his thumb and forefinger._

_"This is it, Jedi. I spoke to Lord Revan not even five minutes ago, and guess what? She wants you dead. I can convince her otherwise if only you'll tell us what we want to know. It's a simple choice, Jedi. I can end all these tortures, and you can go home."_

_"No," her voice was cracked and grovely, "Revan, she's not telling you the truth. She's taking the Jedi to the Unknown, she's breaking them. She won't let me go, she hasn't let any of the Jedi go."_

_"I don't care what's she's done with you Jedi, I merely follow orders. And if you don't comply, I'm going to have to kill you."_

_Her puffy eyes struggled to get a good look at Jaq, "You should care, she's going to send you there next."_

_He didn't move, not giving her any indication of the fear behind her words. "What do you mean?"_

_"You have the Force inside you, and she'll use it for her own intentions. You will forever be an instrument of the dark si—" Her voice was cut off by the dagger now lodged in her side. Jaq looked down at the bloodied hilt, surprised by his own reaction to her words._

_She suddenly looked incredibly pained for one of the first times throughout all of her tortures. Her eyes slipped closed and Jaq would never forget the bright light that shone inside him, the awakening to the whisper of the universe. That sudden realization of everything around him._

_And then it was gone. The flush of anger that ran through him pulled the dagger out, his chest unsteady with heavy breaths. He dropped it and backed out of the room._

_He cleared his throat and tried to still his voice as much as possible, "The prisoner is dead, Lord Revan."_

Atton awoke with a jolt, the darkness of the Telosian apartment was not enough to soothe his weakened and troubled mind. Out of all the memories of his dark past, that was the one that haunted him the most. Natalya lay peacefully asleep next to him, and he sat up and removed himself gently from the bed.

He nearly stumbled over to the window seat, but made it without a cacophony of noises following him. A small shiver ran through his nearly bare body as he drew his knees to his body, looking out at the blackness of space around them, the nearby modules alight with the busy nightlife that swelled in the station.

Words ebbed and flowed in his head, and a saying from Visas Marr lingered in his head.

_My life for yours._

In Atton's mind, it never seemed to apply to Visas. Whenever he heard her say that phrase to Natalya, it always made him think of the Jedi woman. She knew he would kill her, and she used her death to show him the Force. He didn't deserve it, but she saw something in him that no one else saw, he used to think Natalya saw through him as well. But she had closed off that section of his past, telling him it was over. She was wrong, though, it never would be. The things he carried would always follow him, she would always follow him.

Her life, for his.

He wondered if Revan had seen the dream, and perhaps what she would think of it. He knew his record was clean compared to hers, and yet something in the back of his head was nagging him. He didn't want her to see it, to see him like that, no matter how much she remembered of him. She had been there, but she hadn't been in that room, she hadn't seen exactly what he'd done.

His eyes shut tight in a moment of self-loathing. He didn't know why he was on this path, the Jedi would tell him that the Force was guiding him, but he didn't think so. He could've had such a great life, had he stayed on Alderaan, maybe work with his father and find a suitable wife that he would be faithful to until the day he died a peaceful death.

Instead he was caught up with the Jedi and the Sith, and fighting alongside two of the most powerful Jedi of their time. He himself was a Jedi. He never expected this life, and time had flowed so quickly that he didn't let the events of the past ten years ever catch up to him. Perhaps that was why he was in such a state of confusion and slight misery.

He didn't hear Natalya approach, but soon her dark silhouette was across from him on the window seat, her eyes reflected the light from outside the window.

"Another dream?" She asked. He merely nodded in return, which prompted her to speak once more, "Are you nervous about Atris?"

He was nervous all right. Nervous about a multitude of things, but Atris was not one. He shook his head and forced his mouth to form words, "No," his voice came out cracked, "No, I'm not."

Atton reached an arm forward, grasping her hand in his. He ran his fingers along the smooth skin, remembering each bend and curve of her fingers, "How do you do it, Natalya?"

Her eyes were fixed on his hand, but lifted them to encourage him to continue speaking.

"How do you manage to stay so calm? How are you so stable when you've dealt with so much chaos in your life? You've destroyed Malachor V and lived in exile for nearly ten years, and still you're one of the most peaceful people I know."

Her eyes fell back to his hand, "I don't know, Atton. I think that my exile has taught me a lot, I've learned to cope with my situation and I think a lot of what the old Council said was true. I'm still a cipher, a wound in the Force. But by drawing on those around me...I guess I'm able to handle what I've been through."

"But what about me? How are you able to be around me and not feel broken? How are you able to be near Revan and remain calm?"

Her eyes were serious, yet worried, "I...I don't feel brokenness from you, Atton. And Revan, she cut me off from her feelings a long time ago, before the war I think."

He watched her silently before accepting her words, "We should go back to bed, I can't be tired when dealing with Atris."

He stood and stretched his arms and back out, waiting for her to join him. She remained seated by the window, looking up at him with worried eyes.

"Atton, when you leave, just know that you have my trust. I'm trusting you to maintain your safety, and I know that Revan will protect the both of you. I'm trusting you to return."

He nodded as she stood and wrapped an arm around his midsection. He listened for the usual hum of comfort that her voice usually brought him, but in the blackness of the room he felt nothing, and in a lot of ways her words had done the opposite of everything she had intended.

And that's what broke his heart the most.


	17. Chapter 17

The early morning sun greeted them with bright rays streaming in through the windows. Natalya woke first, placing a gentle hand on Atton's shoulder. His mind was clear as his eyes opened, the task of that day lay before him. He was not fearful of Atris, no, but only of leaving the Citadel, of being alone with Revan, and leaving Natalya behind.

He watched her as she rose from the bed, willing his mind to memorize each detail of her face as she shrugged her robes on and gathered his things. He should've stood, he should've gone over and helped her, but he remained in the bed watching her.

He wanted to slink under the blankets, to forget everything and everyone, but Natalya came over and nudged him again. "We have to get going." Her voice gave no indication of what she was feeling, perhaps she was preparing herself for his departure, or perhaps she was worried that it would be his last.

He was silent as he rose from the bed, putting on his robes and securing his lightsaber to his belt. He knew she was watching him, but somehow couldn't pull himself together enough to meet her gaze. He pulled on his outer robe, and gathered his heavier one in his arms.

"Are you ready?" She stood by the door waiting for him, her face serious but lined with sadness. He allowed his eyes to finally meet hers, and in them his heart ached.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they walked towards the docks. He had to remind himself that he wasn't losing her. He wasn't.

"You'll be okay, Atton," she assured, her voice still rang as hollow as it did the night before.

"I know," he replied, holding her a bit tighter. They arrived at the docks where Revan was waiting alone by a small hangar door. Her head tilted to the side as she watched the two approach, a grim smile crept onto her face once they were close enough to speak.

"Ready?" She asked, less downtrodden than the day before. Atton kept his eyes on the door, looking at neither woman.

"Yes," he managed.

She opened the hangar door, revealing a small shuttle. They approached it quietly, Natalya handing Atton his pack, allowing him some time to stow it away on board. She talked quietly with Revan as he boarded and checked out the shuttle. It was small, but durable, a lot more durable than the first shuttle he had taken to the polar region. Force that seemed so far away.

He started up the engines and exited down the loading ramp. The two women looked up at him as he took his last few steps towards them. Revan looked between the two of them and backed up the loading ramp, "I'll give you guys some privacy."

Atton nodded and turned his attention back to Natalya. She looked up at him with anxious eyes, but he reached out and pulled her close. He held her as tightly as he could without harming her, but he didn't want to let her go. He wasn't losing her.

He felt her breath on his ear, "Be careful."

He nodded into her shoulder and pulled back. She gave him a small smile through her watery eyes. He brought a hand to her face, wiping away an escaped tear. He brought his forehead down to meet hers, taking a final breath before squeezing her shoulders and turning his back. He walked heavily up the loading ramp, closing it behind him. He wasn't losing her.

Once in the cockpit, he set the coordinates for the polar region. He looked up and out the window, seeing Natalya's robed form standing by the hangar bay door. As the shuttle lifted and backed out of the hangar, she remained standing there.

She was already lost.

He breathed a few, heavy and ragged breaths before turning his head to see Revan settled into the back of the shuttle. They made eye contact and she stood and walked over to him, sitting in the seat behind his. He turned in his seat to acknowledge her, and she looked up at him with those blue eyes.

"Did you want to talk about it?" She asked.

"Not really," he murmured, the sullenness in his voice made him want to slap himself across the face.

"What did you tell me once? Oh yes, 'too bad, we're going to anyways'."

"No, really Rev, I can't right now."

"It's okay Atton, I understand. I mean I know it's a hard memory for you, but you've seen some of my most difficult memories."

Atton had almost completely forgot, "Oh, that."

Her eyebrows twisted in confusion, "What did you think I wanted to talk about?"

"Nothing."

"Atton."

"No, no. So what did you think of the dream?"

She tilted her head to the side for a moment, "I don't think you even knew that you were going to kill her in that moment. I know you probably thought about it before, and regretted it after, but looking down at the dagger's hilt, I think you were surprised—and scared that you did it."

"Well of course I was scared. I just found out that I could feel the Force and I was scared of what would happen to me, what you would've done to me."

She spent a moment in thought, her teeth naturally biting at her lip. She winced as they caught the swollen center of it.

"You have to stop doing that," Atton said through a small grimace.

"I know," she said offhandedly, "But anyways, I think I knew you were Force sensitive then. I don't know why I never took you into the Unknown Regions to train you, maybe even then I had a soft spot for you."

His eyebrows lifted, but ignored what she was implying, "Yeah, nice soft spot. Having me torture your Jedi and turn them, that was the best."

Her eyes narrowed, "You're being serious."

He thought that if it was possible, his eyebrows lifted even higher, "I was not."

She watched him for a moment before relaxing, "How soon until we arrive?"

"About two hours," he said quietly. He pulled out his pazaak deck and lifted it up as a suggestion.

"After last time? I don't think I ever want to play pazaak with you again," she smirked and stood from her seat.

"Baby." Atton relaxed a bit, at least with Revan everything felt like it was back to normal. His night and morning were too much, but he was able to focus on the cards in his hands and clear his mind for a short while. Besides, killing Atris was more important than any doubts about his relationship. He swallowed hard at the thought, for it was far too Jedi-like for him.

Revan settled in towards the back of the shuttle, kneeling in her usual meditative pose. He didn't look at her, but he could sense that she was still thinking about Carth. Nervousness radiated off of her in waves, though he could tell it was not based on their task at hand.

About an hour passed before she rose from her position on the floor. He set down his cards as she approached.

"What happened between you and Natalya?"

He looked at her for a quick second of shock, "What?"

"Oh come on Atton, after seeing you two this morning, something was definitely wrong."

There was genuine concern on her face. He looked down at the floor of the cockpit, willing himself to tell her off, but his mind was already forming sentences.

"It was just last night...after the dream. We were just talking, you know? She talked about acting as a cipher through the Force, and so I asked her how she could deal with my brokenness."

"What did she say?"

He bit at the inside of his cheek, "She said she didn't feel any brokenness coming from me. And in that moment—I don't know—I realized I must have been holding back, hiding how I was feeling from her."

"How could she miss that? Just sitting here I can sense how damaged you are from the past. Makes me guilty as hell, but it's definitely there."

Atton was slightly thrown by her words, "Haven't you ever tried to get inside my head?"

She shook her head, "I knew you didn't want me in, so I guess I never—why?"

He slammed down his usual barriers, "Go on, try."

She closed her eyes, and for a moment he could feel her familiar presence gently pushing into his mind. He didn't let her in.

Revan's eyes flew open, "Very clever, Rand. But why would you do that to Natalya?"

"I don't know, I really don't. It was such a strange revelation for me, and I think she could sense that something happened in that moment. When she told me she trusted me, all I could think was that she shouldn't."

She looked thoughtful, but Atton knew she didn't have any answers for him. She gave him a grim smile before hitting him lightly on the shoulder.

"You guys will be okay, knowing you two, you'll figure it out." Her voice was calm, but her face didn't look convinced. He didn't find any hope in her words, his mind reflecting back to when he left Natalya. He realized only then that he hadn't kissed her goodbye.

"So how are you dealing with everything?" He finally asked after a long bout of silence.

"Everything?"

"Well, you and Carth, Atris...I don't know, everything." Anything to set his mind on a different path.

Her lips pressed together, and Atton was pleased that she hadn't bitten her already swollen lip. "I don't know how I feel about Carth and I. It hurt seeing him again, but it was a necessary pain. I think I needed that to realize that we shouldn't be together. I think he knows it too."

"And you're okay with that?"

"No, and I don't think I'll ever be," she paused in thought, "It's the same as whenever you leave someone you care about. You don't want to leave, but that doesn't mean you should stay. If it's for the best that you're without them, you'll never find happiness with them."

They settled into a long silence, reflective over what she had just said. Atton denied that it spoke to him, that he could feel her words reverberate in his head. He denied that everything she had said made total sense to him, and that Natalya was somewhere on Citadel Station, thinking of him and hoping for his safety when she really shouldn't.

He wasn't good for her, just as Revan wasn't good for Carth. His dreams reminded him of his past, and the blackness that descended into his mind revealed too much about how much of his past he still carried. How much of his past that Natalya couldn't understand. She looked at him through eyes of love. She couldn't bring herself to acknowledge that he had been a murderer. He didn't kill for anything noble, he killed for the thrill, the bloodlust of bringing a Jedi to their death.

And all of it had been for Revan, she was the one who commanded him, who told him what she wanted and who his target was. And faithfully he had always done his duty until his eyes were opened. Then all he wanted was to leave and forget who he was, but the past always catches up with you. It's not something you can simply forget and move on.

Atton thought he had done just that; moved on. He thought that by Natalya's forgiveness he could finally accept that he was a new man. He was a Jedi, and he served the woman he loved. But now all he could see was what a sick sham it all was. He was just playing good guy. He fought for redemption, and in Natalya's eyes he had won. But in his heart he had lost.

No, he wasn't about to rejoin the Sith. He wasn't about to hunt down the last Jedi and kill them for his revenge. He merely accepted who he was and all he ever would be: a fool.


	18. Chapter 18

They descended swiftly onto the base, not seeking protection from the eyes of others, as they knew it would be Atris alone inside. And she would be expecting them. Atton landed the shuttle easily on top of the icy plateau, though he knew better that it was actually Atris' lair. The ice queen was within it, and a sense of excitement to get this over with ran through him.

Atton must have triple-checked his lightsaber on his belt, and he noticed Revan fidgeting with hers as well. He turned off the engines and stood and stretched from his seat. He could feel Revan's eyes on him, and he turned to meet her gaze.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Always."

He nodded and they moved to the back of the shuttle. She lowered the ramp and led him onto the top of the ice plateau. Upon feeling the snow crunch beneath his boots, Atton was grateful that there weren't any assassin droids there to meet him like last time.

Her footsteps stopped after they walked a few meters, "How do we get in?"

He pointed off in the distance, which to the naked eye was merely snow and ice, just like the rest of the plateau. "It's a hidden entrance," he said breathing in the icy air, "Don't worry, I remember."

Seeming to accept his response, they walked side by side in silence as they approached the metal door that led to the Atris' hidden base.

He knew she would be the leader of this mission, that he was just there for support. There was no doubt in either of their minds that she was the better fighter. Despite her frail size and lack of strength, she was fast and strong in the Force, which gave her a bigger advantage than any human strength could.

He opened the heavy door and together they walked into hidden base, hoping to the Force that this would be easier than either expected.

* * *

Natalya shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She had been sitting there numbly for a few hours, her mind racing as she watched Mical across the room. He was seated by Dustil, constantly monitoring the boy's health.

It had seemed like days since Atton had left, not hours, and she was surprised herself by the emptiness she felt as he left. She knew that he had been going through a lot, perhaps more than she allowed herself to consider, and maybe that's why he had been growing more distant.

She had to admit to herself that she expected him to come back to her just as easily as he had fallen for her before. She did not expect him to be reclusive with her, even somewhat lost to himself. She didn't think he would keep secrets from her, and maybe that was her fault. She spent too much time worrying about everything and everyone she hadn't given him her full attention.

Maybe it was Revan's presence that was causing him problems. He had not acted similarly in all of their travels until he had been with Revan. Perhaps the memories of his past had weighed heavily on him, and in that assumption she realized that she shouldn't have sent him with Revan to the polar region. Once again, she was only thinking of what was best and not how it would affect not only other people, but herself.

"Is something wrong?" She looked up to see Mical looking at her, concern etched onto his smooth features.

Words immediately came to mind, dismissing his question, but she stopped them from passing over her lips. "Yes," she admitted.

He stood from his seat across the room and sat in the chair next to hers. "What is it?"

"Something isn't right," her heart raced upon realizing the truth behind her words, "I think they might be in danger."

"Danger?" He looked away for a moment, running a hand along his jawline. "I'm certain the two of them can handle Atris."

Natalya nodded, but his words rang empty through her mind. He gave her a reassuring smile before she stood and left the medbay. Maybe she was just sensing things because she was worried. She felt the familiar tug of the Force telling her something wasn't right, but she couldn't tell if it was her own mind coming to conclusions because she wasn't there herself to see what was going on.

Mical was right though, Atton and Revan could handle themselves. She swallowed her feelings and called upon the Force to bring its calming presence to her.

But peace was hard to come by.

* * *

Revan and Atton each shed their heavy outer robes, the base was warm and the heavy fabric would hinder their ability to move quickly.

The base was just as empty as Atton had remembered it. They passed the silent force cages, where Kreia had once slithered painfully into his broken mind. He could have walked away then. But he hadn't, and here he was now. It was a place he never thought he would ever be again. Though that was what he thought the last time that Atton had brought Natalya here. The last time he had assumed she would kill Atris, just as they were about to now. His mind flashed to each bitter memory of this base, and in many ways they were just as painful as the memories of war.

It wasn't because they were awful memories, no, but somehow they lost their meaning. As if in his drunken stupor on Nar Shaddaa he had worshipped the time he spent with Natalya. He had thought of each adventure as something to be cherished in his mind. They were always the better days, better than being alone. But now he reflected on them for what they were, and the truth behind them.

"You know where she is?" Revan asked as quietly as she could manage.

"Her chambers most likely, she isn't one to move around too much. Besides, that's where the holocrons are. It should be that way," he said, motioning to the large door at the end of a long catwalk.

"I have to admit, I'm glad you're here. If I was alone I'd probably have gone through each room, expecting her to come out of nowhere."

"Is that the only reason you're glad I'm here?" He asked, his heart seemingly dropping into his stomach. Why did he have to say the worst things at the most inopportune moments?

She watched him cautiously for a moment, her eyes flickering with doubt before she spoke, "No. But we should keep going."

She walked in front of him, stepping quietly into the massive room. Her legs remained still as she looked up the catwalk to the door that was the only thing separating them from Atris. She turned to face him.

"Atton, if there are Sith holocrons in there, we need to be careful. I know we both have...a history with the Sith and this will probably test us. I know you're good at the whole barrier thing, but just...be careful."

He nodded solemnly, bringing his hand to the lightsaber clipped to his belt. He wasn't nervous, or at least he had convinced himself that he wasn't. As his hands ran along the cool hilt of his lightsaber, his heart pounded in his chest.

She watched him before she nodded as well and turned her back to him. They approached the door quickly, taking a few deep breaths before opening it. They knew Atris probably expected them, they just hoped that she would be too weak to fight both of them at the same time. Atton was sure that they would be okay, but he realized he had never fought alongside Revan. They had sparred back on Lianna, but that wasn't anything compared to fighting for your life. But he trusted her, and in that trust he knew that they would be okay.

She gave him a reassuring smile before igniting her lightsaber and opening the door. Atton ignited his, but nearly dropped it as he looked at the sight before him: Atris lay dead in the center of the circular room. Her lightsaber was inches from her hand and she bore no blood, but there was no doubt that the woman in white was no longer among the living.

They threw each other a wary glance, remaining unmoving in the doorway. Atton looked up at the smooth walls lined with an eerie red. The holocrons belted out into the darkness, their foreign whispers were nauseating, though Atton was able to resist their prying at his mind.

But they had merely been a distraction, and he wasn't aware of the real threat until it was too late. The last thing he saw was Revan's face before a massive pain split through his head and the world became black around him.

* * *

Peace had officially become chaos in Natalya's mind. Something was wrong, very wrong, and she was incredibly stupid to ignore it. It had been too much time, they should've gotten back by now. She gently reached out with the Force to sense their familiar presences, but immediately drew back when she felt nothing.

She swiftly walked to Admiral Onasi's office, begging her way through security, assuring them that she was a friend of Carth's. It wasn't until Carth officially gave her clearance that she barged through the door to his office.

He looked up at her from his seat, her face must have been distraught as his turned quickly to concern.

"I can't shake these feelings Carth, something is definitely wrong." She said hastily, hoping she wouldn't scare him off but sensed the urgency through the Force.

"What do you mean?"

"Revan and Atton, I think they're in danger. How could we be this stupid? Why didn't we think this through?"

"Hold on a second, what makes you think that?"

She tried to calm her breathing before she ran a nervous hand along her cheek, "The tendrils of the Force are elusive, and I can't sense either of them. We encountered the Sith on Ziost. I convinced Revan that we'd be safe here but I think this might've been a trap."

Her heart sank at the look on Carth's gentle face, "You can't sense them—does that mean..."

"I don't know," she managed, "But whatever has happened, it's all my fault."

"No, if anything it's my fault. I asked you to come here, and if you hadn't you'd all be safe right now. Everyone would be safe."

"You can't blame yourself for your son's injuries. You needed our help and I wouldn't listen to the others."

His gaze fell on his desk as he spoke quietly, "I'll have my techs search through the activity in the restoration zones, see if there's any suspicious activity within the last month. If they're not okay...if the Sith..."

She watched him carefully, "You still love her."

His face turned solemn, but he did not look away, "You still love him."

She was immediately taken back by his words. Why wouldn't she? He looked regretful of what he had said and shifted his position in his chair. He spoke evenly once more, "We don't know anything for sure yet, this might still be just a regular mission and they'll be back soon."

Even as he said the words she knew they were false. She was sure that he knew it as well. Something was wrong, and every time she tried to search through the Force to understand it, she got blocked.

She couldn't lose them like this, suddenly never sensing them again. She hadn't accepted the idea that they wouldn't come back from this mission, especially if it was just to kill Atris and return safely. Of course it was possible, but between Atton and Revan, Atris stood no chance. No, this wasn't anything borne of Atris.

They stayed awake for hours, waiting for information on the ship logs. Any action in the polar regions would be logged, and it was merely a matter of time before they found something—anything. She didn't talk much to Carth, and soon Mical joined them. He had shared her feelings in the loss of Atton and Revan's presence, and perhaps that was what scared her the most. The fact that she wasn't alone in her assumption, besides the fact that they hadn't returned nearly a day later.

Her heart leapt to her throat as soon as they received a holocall. But once Carth looked warily between the two of them and answered the call, all hell broke loose.


	19. Chapter 19

"I have found them. We are currently holding Revan in our prison block, milord."

Garik Drakar looked up at the silhouette of black standing on the holo console before him. The hooded figure stood completely still, surrounded by the deathly quiet of the new Sith base. Though his face was not clearly seen through the hood, Garik could feel his steely gaze upon him.

"I did not ask for just Revan, my apprentice. What has become of the Exile?"

Garik swallowed hard, "She remains on the planet below."

"Return to me when you find her. Until then, do not contact me."

"But master," he stuttered slightly, "We have reason to believe she is being held by the Republic. We simply do not have the numbers to break through Citadel Station."

"And this is why you are the apprentice. Your trap nearly worked the first time, you'll just have to be more creative. Do not contact me again until you have them both, do you copy?"

"Yes, master," Garik grudgingly turned off the holo and returned to the bridge from his private quarters. The planet of Telos lay before them, hardly breached by his ship, but their presence would soon be known. He had captured the former Dark Lord herself, he could certainly find the Exile.

This was his first mission on his own. He had always been by his master's side as he rose to power, able to ride his coattails until he himself gained enough power to overthrow him. After this mission, it wouldn't be long before Garik was the Sith Lord himself.

He walked through the halls of his ship, purposely wandering towards the cell block. He passed cell after empty cell until he came upon one with two people in it. One, a woman, painfully thin, and incredibly recognizable. The other a man, about Garik's age, but taller and leaner. The man remained unconscious, but the woman looked at Garik fiercely, clearly protective over herself and the man beside her.

This was going to be interesting.

* * *

Revan had been awake for a few hours before she had seen any sign of life besides Atton. He remained unconscious the entire time, which had worried her greatly. She tried to heal him or prod him with the Force, but the ship was so dead. She could barely feel the tendrils of the Force, and it wasn't enough to do anything, just enough to know that she was alive.

And so hours passed in silence, she tried to clear her mind and meditate, but found that she could not focus. She had spent the time mostly chastising herself for being so careless walking into the base. It was Atton's fault, really. She had trusted him enough to think that they would be okay there, that it would be a simple mission of finding Atris and getting out of there. Her mind hadn't even considered the fact that there could be something else there, but here she was.

It had to be the Sith. She hadn't seen anyone yet, but she had known all along that they would encounter the Sith on Telos. She just hadn't expected to be captured and taken to wherever she was. They could be anywhere in space by this point.

Her thoughts were cut off as a man walked up to the cell door. He watched her carefully, then looked to Atton. The man was young enough, though looked as though he had seen some hard times. His features were smooth except for a large scar that ran along his cheek and down his neck. Whatever he had survived, he had been very, very lucky.

He gave a small nod and the force field between them deactivated. From her position on the floor she didn't have a clear advantage in a fight, and she knew that the amount of Sith onboard could easily overpower her. Besides, her arms were restrained behind her back.

He brought a large hand tightly around her upper arm, raising her to her feet and leading her down a series of corridors. She watched him as he looked dead ahead, concern etched onto his face and maybe a small amount of fear. Despite everything, she was glad she still had her Sithly charms.

Closer, he appeared younger than she had initially predicted. His hair was was slicked back, though the natural waves were trying to break free from its hold. He must have felt her gaze because he looked over to her, his face clearly more controlled and emotionless.

He opened a door with one wave of his right hand, the other still firmly grasped around her arm. The room wasn't anything she had expected. There was luxurious furniture where she had expected a torture chamber. Private quarters filled with comfort whereas she had expected cold, brutal pain. Somehow this was less comforting and set her on edge.

He released his grip on her arm, "Take a seat." His voice had been kind as he motioned to a sofa, which she reluctantly sat on.

"I'm sure you have many questions," he began, "but I'm afraid not all can be answered. Not yet, anyways. You see, we're still missing one more person. We had not expected you to be with a young man rather than the..._woman_ we're looking for."

"You want Natalya," she said calmly.

"Ah, yes. Better known as the Exile. Though she's not an Exile anymore, is she?" He leaned against the arm of the sofa as he lit a cigarra and brought it gently to his lips.

Inhaling the sweet smoke, she shook her head, "No, not anymore."

"Ah, but before we get into that, how about some proper introductions. You first."

Restraining herself from scowling, she kept her voice light, "I'm Revan, as I'm sure you're aware."

"Revan," he said quietly, almost under his breath, "It is a_ pleasure_ to meet you, though I wish it were under better circumstances, really, I do. As for me, I am Garik Drakar, though you may refer to me as simply Garik."

She bit her lip and immediately regretted it, as the swelling had not yet gone down.

"What do you want from me?" She asked bluntly, "You know I'm not going to tell you where Natalya is or how you may capture her. So tell me, why is it that I'm here?"

"Ah, there's the boldness I was waiting for! I must say, you are most impressive in person, the archives bring you no justice, truly. No Revan, you are not here for the sake of the Exile. While you may be repulsed by the idea now, soon you will realize how powerful we can be. Soon you will join me, and together we will kill my master."

"So you're the apprentice," she concluded, nodding to his lightsaber, "And why do you want Natalya?"

"She will serve her...purposes. I'm afraid I cannot reveal that information to you at the moment, but trust that we _will be_ unstoppable."

She bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from rolling her eyes, "Just as every Sith has concluded in the past, including myself."

"Ah, yes. You were among the greatest Sith in history, it's truly a shame that the Jedi got their hands on you," he took a long drawl from cigarra and blew the smoke away from her, "But that's not why we're here. The past is the past, and I plan on making our future much more interesting."

She could not help the sigh that came forth from her lips, "You already know my answer, Garik."

His smile was genuine, "Yes, but it won't be for long." He motioned with his head and soon two robed Sith took her by each arm, leading her towards the door.

"Wait, Revan," Garik called out, the two Sith stopped and turned her to face him, "Be a dear and inform your male companion on everything you know about the Exile, it's not like the cell is bugged or anything." He gave her a sharp wink and soon she was back in the cell, where Atton still lay unconscious.

* * *

His small conversation with Revan had given Garik everything he needed to know in order to break Natalya. His master had first commended him for his perceptiveness, and it was a gift that he had built upon himself. No teaching, no guidance, he merely stretched his senses and knew what he needed to know.

"Relay this message to the Republic," he ordered his tech, turning on the holorecorder.

"Exile," he began, his demeanor serious, "It's truly a shame that you had not ventured into the polar regions with your friends, perhaps maybe you would have been smart enough to turn around and see my men render them unconscious. Don't worry though, they are safe with me. For now. You see, I've been waiting for you, and while I am many things, I am not patient..."

* * *

"...My ship is waiting above Telos, and on board I have your friend Revan, and a man that I'm sure is very dear to you. If the Republic fires upon my ship, they will die alongside me. If the Republic sends it's own vessel with a squadron on board, I will blow the ship to bits. You see, my ship is rigged with explosives, and if anything goes awry, the simple touch of a button will blow your friends into oblivion. I will accept only you, Exile. Do hurry."

Mical watched in stoic silence as the Sith's image faded before them. His eyes flickered to Carth and Natalya, who were both watching with the same silence he bore. Natalya, however, looked as though she was going to be sick.

"Can you set me up with a shuttle?" She directed her question towards Carth.

"You mean you're actually thinking of going?" Carth asked incredulously.

She sighed as she fidgeted in her seat, "I'm not just thinking of going, Carth. You know that I have to."

"No, I don't," he said with a defiant shake of his head, "And I won't let you go. Once they get you, they're going to get the hell out of here and turn or kill you both."

"They have Atton and Revan! They'll be killed, and I'm the one who sent them to their deaths. I won't let them die in the hands of the Sith. They've both worked too hard to avoid that."

Mical shifted uncomfortably from his standing position, "The Sith won't kill them," he said calmly, though he knew that he appeared to be shaken, "No, right now they're bait, and they will use them to bring you aboard. You'd be playing exactly into their hands."

"So I'll take the Republic for backup. They have one ship hovering above Telos, we can take them." They all knew it was a faulty conclusion, but apparently she felt the need to argue it anyway.

"You heard the man, they'll blow the damned ship up!" Carth interjected, "Are you willing to risk their lives like that?"

Her mouth remained closed in defeat, but she kept her determination to get on that ship, "Alright, then what do you propose we do?"

Carth hesitated for a moment and so Mical spoke up, "We wait."

"What?!" She cried out.

"Natalya, listen," he said calmly, knowing that she wouldn't like what he had to say, "Right now you are reacting to this horrible instance that we've been put in, but remember to remain calm. Your emotions would lead you to your death, and right now I need you to be rational."

He could sense the anger within her at his comment, he hated doing this to her as much as she hated accepting the fact that she had been acting on pure emotion.

She watched him carefully as he continued to speak, "We have to wait them out. We know the Sith will not kill them, and soon they will grow impatient. We have to wait for the most opportune moment to strike."

"And when will that be? When they're brain dead and missing limbs?"

"They won't kill Revan," Carth interjected, "They most likely want her alive and working for them. I can't imagine what kind of power trip it would be for a Sith to order around the former Lord Revan. I hate to say this Natalya, but I agree with Mical."

She appeared betrayed, though Mical knew that she was aware that they had her best interests at heart, "We're acting on too many assumptions. I will never forgive myself, nor either of you, if we are wrong. I know you both care about those two, and I know you would never intentionally harm either, but by not acting we are risking their lives."

"By taking any other action we're risking them even more," he stated firmly, though not in an unkind way, "You know that, Natalya. For now we know they are safe, even though they are in the hands of the Sith. As long as you remain here they cannot kill either of them."

Looking defeated, she nodded her head, "I suppose you're right. I will meditate on this, but trust me Mical, I am not giving up. I will not stop planning until I find the right one to save them. I won't let them die by my hands."

"No matter what happens," he said, his voice dropping down a level, "Never blame yourself. The Sith are the enemy here, not you."

She nodded as she stood, "I need to think." She turned and walked out of the office, leaving Mical alone with Carth. The Admiral remained seated at his desk, though appeared wounded by his facial expression.

"Have you told her yet?" He asked Mical.

With the shake of his head he said, "No, not yet. It isn't the right time."

"And when will it be the right time? When she kills herself for him when she doesn't know he's been sharing..._feelings_ with Revan?"

Mical's eyes locked with Carth's, "I have no evidence of them actually sharing...anything. But what I have seen and what I have felt from both of them does lead to the assumption that not everything is as it seems. But I will not use that against Natalya unless I have to. Not unless her life is on the line, and for the moment it does not appear that way."

* * *

Atton had woken by the next day, to Revan's gratitude. It had gotten lonely in the cell and she wasn't prepared to talk to an unconscious person. They barely got to exchange eye contact before she was taken from the cell once more by the two Sith that had carried her there before. Atton looked confused as she was dragged from the cell and led back to Garik's quarters.

"Revan, it's a pleasure to see you again," he drawled from his desk on the other side of the room. She took her seat on the sofa where she sat the day before and remained quiet as he looked over some papers on his desk. He looked up suddenly, making eye contact with her.

"And how are you today?"

She allowed herself to roll her eyes, but remained silent.

"Not well, I take it? That's a shame. Perhaps I shall find you better accommodations, I can't imagine that cramped cell is comfortable for one person, let alone two. Would you like that, Revan?"

Despite not wanting to give away any information, she shook her head, "No," she said quietly.

"Ah, well that's understandable, I suppose. If you ever change your mind, be sure to let me know. I want this trip to be as comfortable for you as possible."

She moved her restrained wrists from behind her back, "Oh yeah, _real_ comfortable."

"A necessary evil. You must understand," he said, standing from his seat and gesturing to her bound wrists, "I can't have you running loose until I'm sure of your allegiance. Speaking of which, have you changed your mind?"

She shook her head, "No."

"Very well," Garik said with a nod, and immediately the two Sith were on either side of her arms once more, "Though I do hope you change your mind. It would be most...remarkable."

They gripped her arms tighter and soon she was facing the corridor once more.

* * *

Atton had remained in the cell during Revan's absence. He had been worried of course, but confusion outweighed everything. He felt as though his head had been split open and remained open for all to see. His bound wrists restrained him from poking or prodding at his aching head, and he could not feel the Force around him.

Minutes passed agonizingly slow, but soon Revan was thrown back into the cell. She looked up at him with wide eyes but brought herself to her knees and inched closer. He watched her with confusion as she did not stop until she was nearly in his lap. She looked around and pressed her cheek to his. A warm flush ran through him as he felt her hot breath on his ear.

"The room is bugged," she said in the faintest voice, "But they want Natalya. When they take you out—and I know they will, do not tell them anything. For all I know they just want to talk until they find Natalya. I think that maybe—maybe if we can stall them long enough, we can convince them to let their guard down. Just don't tell them _anything_."

His heart raced as she lowered her face and backed away from him. His face turned into his classic crooked smile, "You know me, babe."

It was his best defense.

They spent the next few hours trying to communicate with a series of eye rolls, blinks, and twitches. Despite their situation, it was interesting to see how they could communicate in such an intimate way, and Atton had to admit to himself that once he felt removed from the situation he actually felt okay. He could feel the tendrils of hope rising within him, that maybe they could get out of this.

But hope never had much to offer him, and it surely wouldn't last for long.


	20. Chapter 20

"So tell me Revan, what is it that you want?"

She bit the inside of her cheek as she shifted her shoulders on her usual spot on the sofa. Garik's quarters were pleasant enough, but her arms ached, bound behind her back. "What do you mean?"

Garik exhaled a long trail of smoke before snuffing out his cigarra, "What do you want for yourself? Where do you see your life going?"

Her eyebrows furrowed as she considered the question, "I haven't really thought about it. My place is here, defending the Republic. It's all I've ever really wanted."

He let out a sharp laugh, "Here? I'm flattered, really. But let's say you succeed. You drive back the Sith, the galaxy is saved, you're a hero again, all that bantha fodder. What do you do then?"

"There's always another threat," she concluded.

"You're no fun today, Revan," he said haphazardly as he lit another cigarra.

She rolled her eyes slightly as she adjusted her shoulders once more, "So Garik, where did you come from?" She asked, "I've been hunting the Sith for years and this is the first I've heard of you."

"How disappointing," he muttered as he took another long inhale from his cigarra, "I'd like to think that I've made a bigger impact on one such as you. Alright, I'll bite. I was born on Coruscant, just like trillions of others. I wouldn't say I made a large impact through the Force, not like you of course. But I grew into my capabilities, and I had no formal training until I was nearly twenty. The rest, however, I fear I must wait to tell you."

She was silent as he finished his cigarra, carefully snuffing it out once he finished it. "So what have you to say now, Revan? Any other questions, or are you ready to go back to your cell?"

She remained quiet as he looked at her expectantly. The two Sith came up on either side, though she offered no resistance.

They were about to take hold of her but Garik interrupted, "Oh Revan, would you mind telling me the name of your male companion?"

A flush of anger rose within her, but she managed to keep her voice calm, "Atton."

"Atton...Very well," he nodded, "I guess I shall see you later. For now I have some important business to attend to. It was lovely chatting with you again."

She suppressed a gag as she was led back to the cell.

* * *

Atton had waited patiently for Revan to return. They had hardly spoken in the past three days, but her presence was missed whenever she was gone. Besides, he was worried about her. So far they had only taken her, and as far as she was concerned the Sith only wanted to talk. That didn't stop him from worrying that she would come back one day bloodied and bruised.

But once more she returned in perfect health, if anything looking slightly confused. Her faint whispers told him that they hadn't asked for any serious information from her. The whole scenario confused Atton, and he hoped that Natalya was smart enough to stay away. Revan would figure this out. She was a thousand times more capable than these Sith, and the idea that they thought they could control her made his blood boil.

They sat in the quiet for a long time, now used to the silence in the cramped quarters. He hadn't minded, if anything only wished that he could move around a bit more. But he didn't mind being that close to Revan. It was better than being alone in a cell on a strange ship, seemingly ignored while she was receiving all the attention. He was glad for it, though. He wouldn't even know what to say to this Sith character.

But his time had come. Several hours after Revan had returned, she looked up at him with worried eyes as he was taken from the cell. A Sith on either side of his arm, he was led to a room just a few corridors away.

He knew things were immediately wrong when he got a good look at the room. He recognized most of the instruments, and a surge of fear knotted at the pit of his stomach. A man entered the room, shorter than him but around the same age. His features could be considered attractive, but the scar along his face made Atton wince at what could've happened.

"Atton," he said pointedly, "Such a pleasure you meet you. I am Garik, and I am your captor."

Garik nodded at the Sith, which prompted them to leave. He came around to Atton's backside and removed his wrists from their binding.

Atton was about to take a swing at Garik, but found that his arms were lacking too much blood to even move properly. They felt tired and weak, and he had to restrain himself from cursing violently under his breath.

Garik smirked at him as he spread each arm on either side of him, chaining him to the smooth metallic wall.

"It's a shame that she cares about you," Garik drawled as he turned his back to Atton, "Truly, it is."

He tried to play pazaak, calming himself and trying to keep Garik out of his head. The pain wouldn't last for long, that wasn't what he was worried about. Rather, what Garik would use the pain for. And out of all the confusion that had come across his mind during the past few days, he found himself wondering who "she" was that Garik had mentioned.

* * *

There was a harsh knock at her apartment door. Natalya awoke hazily, checking to see that it was indeed the middle of the night. Removing herself from the bed and slipping on her robe, she crossed the quiet apartment that had been meant for two people. The door clicked open and she recognized the young man before her, though she could not place his name. Her heart beat a little faster at the sight, seeing as something must be wrong to be interrupting her in the middle of the night.

"What is it?" She asked in a tired voice.

"The Admiral's son has gained consciousness, Miss. I was told that you wanted to be informed immediately."

She couldn't help the smile that came to her lips as she retreated into the apartment, "Yes, thank you!" she called over her shoulder. She finished dressing and was soon out of the apartment and jogging down the still busy modules of Citadel Station.

The medbay gave her clearance as soon as she stepped in, her being a frequent visitor and known acquaintance of the Admiral himself had lent her ease lately about getting around Citadel Station. She found her way down the carefully memorized corridors until she came across the door she had been looking for.

Natalya could not stop herself from bringing a hand over her mouth at the sight of Dustil sitting up in the bed. Tears of happiness brimmed her eyes as she drew closer, Carth seated next to him and Mical smiling at her.

Dustil was completely broken, his skin charred, burned, and completely scarred beyond repair. His eyes were heavy and his breathing was still labored, but to Natalya he was beautiful. He was sitting up and he was conscious, that was enough.

She took the seat next to Carth, and he wrapped a friendly arm around her shoulder. She leaned into him as he murmured his thanks.

"Hey Dustil," she said through a smile. She reached out her hand and grasped his.

He blinked a few times but did not speak. Her smile lessened a bit as she looked to Carth, "Mical says many of his cognitive functions haven't returned yet, though they shouldn't take too long. He is healing at an incredible rate."

Her lips formed a smile as she carefully watched Dustil. He was looking at her through those heavy eyelids, and she wondered what he was thinking, what he had remembered. She wondered absently if Atris was still alive, and what was happening with Atton and Revan. Her heart sank at the thought, and so she focused her attention on Dustil.

"I'm just glad he's alive," Carth spoke once more. Natalya nodded and then smiled as Dustil seemed to understand.

* * *

Atton had been gone much longer than Revan had ever been, and that thought alone was enough to scare her half to death. She had already been on edge since he left, seeing as she couldn't control the situation, but it had been far too long and now she was downright worried. Never had her restraints been so frustrating in her life. If she had control over her hands she could at least focus on something other than the fear collecting in her chest.

Surely Atton hadn't told them anything about Natalya or the Republic, and surely they wouldn't have much to talk about otherwise. Atton had been trained as a part of her army, so he followed the same procedures he would've if he were still under her control. She nearly smiled at the thought that he basically still was in her army. A different army, but the Force seemed to bring them together once more.

But she had been certain that he'd be alright, though now she wasn't so sure. Garik hadn't seemed like the malicious, violent type. She could've sworn he merely played mind games, and that she was doing well in resisting them. She had to accept the fact that she could've been wrong, though it wasn't easy, and open her mind to new tactics.

She had to choke back a fierce cough as Atton returned. He walked weakly, needing to be held up by the Sith on either side of him. Her chest heaved in a way that threatened to reveal everything she felt about the man before her. His face was bloody, though most of it was coming from his mouth. His left eye was completely black, though both were swollen. He collapsed against the wall and slid down onto the floor of the cell, a barely conscious heap of robes and bruises.

He coughed ferociously, his body shaking and his face twitching slightly in the shape of a smile, "s'fine" his hoarse voice said.

She hesitantly drew nearer, careful not to touch any of the black and blues, she placed a hand along his cheek. He looked up at her through puffy eyes, and she could feel the tears brimming in her own. She blinked them back quickly and lightly stroked her thumb across his face, reaching the Force as much as she could on this damned Sith ship.

Without thinking she lowered her body next to his, carefully embracing him as he remained unmoving on the floor. His throat let out a low moan as she accidentally touched a bruise on his arm. She adjusted quickly and simply held him as she sat next to him. She knew he probably wouldn't allow her to do this if he were capable of pushing her away, but she also knew that he needed her. She didn't care whatever surveillance they were under, he was in pain and she couldn't fix it. And that was what hurt her the most.

* * *

Natalya held her robes close to her body, the station had an odd chill that sliced through her clothing as she made her way back to her apartment hours later. She let her mind wander, knowing that she probably wouldn't get any more sleep that night.

She had never felt so helpless in her life. If Mical was right and all they had to do was wait...it couldn't be right. They wanted her, sure, and they probably wanted Revan, but that left Atton. Who was he to them?

Expendable.

The thought chilled her more than the module ever could. She hated not knowing. Nothing at this point was for sure, and the lives of the most important people to her hung in the balance. They could be dead or alive, and she had no way of knowing. Each day that she remained on Citadel Station she was endangering them more.

But what could she do? Surely she couldn't go alone aboard the Sith ship. And she couldn't bring anyone lest she wanted to obliterate Revan and Atton. The Sith were smart, she had to give them that, they knew how to get to her. Helplessness was the only thing that filled her mind as she stared out the long stretch of windows along the Entertainment Module.

Her mind tired and weak, she went to the only person she felt could confide in at that moment. She hesitated at his door, but knocked weakly in case he had gone to bed. After a couple minutes of waiting, she considered leaving. Right as she made her mind up to go, the apartment door opened, revealing a weary Carth Onasi.

"Natalya," he said in a groggy voice, and she immediately felt bad for coming at all. He stepped aside, allowing her to enter the apartment. For some reason she had expected it to be lavish and extravagant, but it was filled with plain furniture and muted colors. She smiled as she realized that it suited Carth more than the standard Admiral.

"I'm sorry for coming so late," she said in a soft voice, "I wouldn't have been able to go back to sleep."

"Well, it is my fault for waking you up in the first place, so don't mention it. What's up? How are you feeling?" His voice turned sad as he asked her this. She could see the pain in his eyes, masked by the joy of his son's awakening.

"I'm worried about them," she nearly whispered.

He came closer and embraced her in a warm hug. She choked back tears that had been threatening her for days, not allowing them to come out. It was as if she let them out then she was truly admitting that Revan and Atton might not be alive.

"Me too," he stated firmly. She backed out of his hug and gave him a grim smile.

"Carth, I can't just sit here and do nothing," her voice wavered slightly, but she swallowed and forced herself to gain control, "Of course they'll keep Revan alive, but Atton...I'm worried that they won't find any use for him. I'm scared...I'm so scared that they'll kill him." The admittance of those words finally broke the dam, and the tears she had been holding in came forth freely.

Her shaky legs brought her to the sofa, where she buried her face in her hands. She allowed herself a solid five minutes to cry, not even realizing that Carth sat next to her, patiently waiting for her to finish.

She felt stupid as she brought the heel of her palm up to her eyes, wiping away any evidence carefully. She probably would have laughed at herself if the situation hadn't been so...miserable.

"Look," Carth began in a cautious voice, "I think you should talk to Mical. Not everything is...as it seems."

Natalya could've sworn that her heart had dropped into her stomach, "What do you mean?" Her voice cracked from her crying.

"I'm not at liberty to share anything...but I really think you should speak to Mical about this."

She stood from the sofa immediately, but Carth stood as well and took a hold on her arm, "Tomorrow," he said with finality, "I don't think he'd appreciate being awoken at this hour. It can wait until tomorrow."

She watched him for a long moment before nodding in agreement. His grip on her arm went slack, "Did you want to stay here tonight?"

She watched him again before she hesitantly nodded. He disappeared from the room, but soon returned with an extra pillow and blanket, placing them carefully on the sofa next to her. She murmured her thanks as he left, and settled onto the sofa as comfortably as she could. She had to admit that it had been more comfortable than her lonely apartment ever would be.


	21. Chapter 21

Garik heard the familiar ping of his door, and turned to see a slightly disheveled Revan standing in the doorway. He nodded, his guards brought her in, and she took her seat on the sofa.

"A pleasure to see you again, Revan," he began as he walked over to her. He reached out a hand and wiped away the dried blood on her forehead, "I see your friend Atton was willing to share."

Her wide blue eyes looked up at him in confusion, but he shrugged her off, "How are you doing today, my dear?"

"I'm fine, thank you," she said, though Garik could see right through her. Her eyes were nearly lifeless, she looked tired and angry, but she was damn good at hiding it.

"I've been thinking," he began as he lit a cigarra, "Maybe we won't have to wait for Natalya."

She looked at him, clearly surprised, "Why do you say that?"

"Well first of all, it's my master who wants her for his own use, and my intentions are entirely different from his. I don't think he wants to die, but I sure as hell do, you know what I mean?" He let out a long laugh, eliciting an eye roll from the woman on the sofa.

"Anyways, Revan. As I've said before, I intend for you to help me kill him, and then we can figure out the rest from there. Technically we won't even need the Exile for my purpose."

She wavered slightly, though it was nearly impossible to tell, but the slightest twitch of her jaw gave her away. Garik smiled broadly, but her face remained as stone.

"I'm not going to help you kill your master so that you can take over the Sith," she nearly spat, "Do your own damn work. If I helped you, you wouldn't even deserve the title of Dark Lord."

He puffed out his lips in mock consideration, "Probably not, but I don't play by the rules. These damned Sith don't know what's good for them. They're not _smart_. Brute force can only get you so far, you need strategy. You of all people should know this."

Her face was expressionless as she sat quietly on the sofa. He swallowed his frustration and turned to her, "Don't count me out, Revan," he said in a soft voice, taking the seat next to her. "I'm on your side here, I just merely want your help."

"Garik, you know I never could, or would, trust you. I simply can't."

He pressed his lips together, "I would never ask that of you. Just think about it."

She turned her face away as he exhaled a long trail of smoke, "I'll see you later Revan," he said quietly. She turned her face back to him and nodded, standing under her own volition and walking to the door where the usual two Sith accompanied her. The three walked out the door, leaving Garik alone in the large room. He laughed to himself as he snuffed out his cigarra.

"And hopefully it will be a lot sooner than you think."

* * *

It was early morning, and Natalya hadn't slept at all. Her mind was still racing with unanswered questions as she lay awake on Carth's couch. She didn't bother to wait for him to wake up, and instead she slipped quietly out of the large apartment and back into the quiet module.

It wasn't a far walk to Mical's apartment, and though she felt bad that it was so early in the morning, she needed answers. Carth's implications made it seem as though whatever Mical knew wasn't good, and she intended to find out. The anxiety alone felt like it was enough to crush her, and she couldn't let it go on any longer.

She knocked on the door, hoping to the Force that he wouldn't be upset at her. The more she thought about it, however, the more she realized that Mical wasn't one to get upset. Maybe if it were Atton, he wasn't a morning person at all. The was suddenly crushed by an overwhelming desire to see him again. She shouldn't have sent him in the first place.

The door opened and Mical looked genuinely happy to see her. It lifted her spirits for a moment before they greeted each other and she walked in, though the questions in her mind brought her right back down again.

"What's wrong?" He asked as they settled in across from each other at his dining table..

Her lips formed a small smile, "What gave it away?"

"Besides the fact that there's usually something wrong when you come to me? I can feel it through the Force, something is weighing on you heavily."

She looked down at her hands, suddenly incredibly interested in the condition of her nails, "I was talking to Carth last night," she began, "I was just telling him about some of my fears...about Atton. He said I should talk to you about something."

She heard him distinctly suck in his breath, and she could've sworn her heart was about to beat right out of her chest. "Mical, what is it?"

"I don't know anything for sure," he said, thumbing a mark on the table, "But I have twice found Atton and Revan in a somewhat...compromising situation."

"Compromising?"

"The first was back on Ziost...I hate to tell you this Natalya, I can't stand the own words coming out of my mouth. When I first found them on Ziost, they were...huddled together. Perhaps maybe for the cold, but their lips...they were—"

"And the second?" She cut him off with a shaky voice. She could taste blood in her mouth and realized that her teeth were embedded in her tongue.

"The second was here on Telos. It was when we were healing Dustil. When I came to retrieve them...they were in a tight embrace, speaking in hushed tones."

She stared blankly to her right. The window loomed before her but she didn't see anything beyond it. It seemed as though she were looking through a tunnel, as if the past five minutes had not happened at all.

"I'm so sorry that I had kept it from you Natalya, but as I said, we can't be certain that there's really anything going on between them."

She nodded, "Of course." Her voice betrayed her however, shaky and on the verge of tears. She turned to face him again, trying to keep herself together.

"I need to think about this for awhile," she said weakly as she stood and walked to his apartment door. He had followed her quickly and found himself between her and the door.

"Natalya wait, if you need anything...or anyone, please do not hesitate to contact me. I know this is difficult for you, but you don't have to go through it alone." He looked down at her with sad, blue eyes, and it for some reason she found herself feeling sorry for him.

He had looked up to her for so long, and now she was clearly crumbling before him. He most likely blamed himself, but there was nothing he could have done. She wished he had told her earlier, but she didn't hold that against him. She couldn't confide in him at that moment, though. She felt as though she didn't know anyone or anything, and in that she felt a loss that hadn't been known to her in years.

"Thank you, I'll remember that," she said quietly before she broke free from the confines of his apartment.

* * *

The worst part was not knowing. Watching him leave had been so difficult, he hadn't even been able to hold himself up. Waiting for him to return was even more difficult. But not knowing what exactly they were doing to him was the worst.

Revan sat quietly in her cell, her knee bobbing up and down as she sat waiting. They had taken Atton nearly two hours ago, and whatever tortures they were inflicting on him could have killed him by now.

The unknown filled her with anxiety. When Carth had been tortured back on the_ Leviathan_, she had at least been able to see his condition, and understood that he could handle it. With Atton she wasn't sure. The condition he had returned in the last time he left had been too much for her to bear, and she hated this feeling of weakness.

Garik was smart. She knew she was already breaking down. It had been one day, one instance, and now she felt as though she didn't know anything. Seeing Atton like that had broken her heart, and revealed way too much about how she felt about him. Suppressed for all this time, she admitted to herself that what she was feeling towards him was more than he could reciprocate. Maybe more than he would reciprocate.

That was if he were to survive this. He had nothing to offer the Sith, she knew that much, and most likely was being used to get to her. She knew she couldn't handle it if they killed him, and they would win. She couldn't have either of those things, and so she began a multitude of plans in her mind.

He returned after a few more hours spent in her loneliness. Hot tears brimmed at her eyes as he returned, completely unconscious. His face had been completely covered in blood, his beautiful features swollen and his forehead now bore a massive gash. She looked away as he was thrown into the cell and she knew that it was her time to act.

"Hey!" She called out to the Sith guard, "Can I speak to Garik?"

They looked at each other before forcefully grasping each arm. She didn't understand why they needed to act so hostile. She hadn't resisted at all, and could see clearly through the Sith bravado.

By this point she could have easily found her own way there, but played along as they led her to the door that would decide her fate.

"Revan! What a surprise," Garik said with a voice that made her realize he was not surprised at all. "What possibly could have brought you here?"

"I want you to stop torturing Atton and let him go."

"I'm sorry," he said with an incredulous look on his face, "But surely you must realize that I cannot simply—"

"No," she interrupted, "That is my one condition. I will come with you, I will help you kill your master, as long as you make sure that Atton is safely returned to Telos. Alive."

He watched her for a moment as though he didn't believe her, but soon his smooth features transitioned to a smile, "Done. Welcome aboard, Revan."

Her wrists were freed.

* * *

Something was wrong with his eyes, that was for sure. As Atton tried to open them, he found he could not, and bit his swollen lip to prevent himself from panicking. A few moments of deep breathing and intense focus, he found the energy to open his heavy lidded eyes, barely able to see anything through the intense swelling.

He looked around to find himself alone, and so he closed his eyes once more. He had been propped up against the wall, though he had no recollection of how he got there. The last thing he remembered was the cruel look on Garik's face as he smiled sweetly at Atton. A tight gag welled in his throat, but he could not control the muscles enough to do anything about it.

Atton remained painfully propped against the wall for Force knew how long. But soon he heard multiple footsteps approaching.

"Tell him anything about where we're going and I swear I'll have you both dead." Garik's voice sounded as though it were a great distance away, but Atton forced his eyes open once more. He looked up to see Revan and Garik standing before him. He was surprised to see her hands free and her lightsaber attached to her belt. A multitude of knots formed in his chest as he worried about what she had done.

She came closer to him, crouching before him on the balls of her feet. She brought each free hand to the sides of his face and leaned in close. "I'm going away for a while, okay?" She spoke in a sweet voice, though it was soft and understanding. The knots pulled at him harder, but he couldn't find the voice to speak. "You're safe now," she whispered.

He tried to speak, he could feel his lips moving but there was no voice behind it. She shook her head sadly, "I'll come back for you. I promise."

She gently kissed his forehead, and then she was gone. The usual Sith guards came on either side of him, and though he was incapable of walking, he found himself at a hangar.

"You lucky bastard," one said as they threw him onto a shuttle.

His bleary eyes saw a droid near the pilot's console. The droid would be capable of maneuvering the shuttle to wherever he was going, or at least he hoped so. He closed his eyes as his vision darkened, allowing himself to slip unconscious once more. Revan said he was safe now, but what was the cost?


	22. Chapter 22

Natalya sighed as she brought the sleeves of her robe further down her wrists. She hadn't allowed herself to think for hours, instead spending her time watching Dustil as he remained motionless in the medbay. She wanted to be angry, to accept what Mical said and hate Atton for it. Revan too. But she couldn't, not without their side of the story, and they were currently unable to defend themselves.

She was willing to wait for them before she passed judgement on them, but her gut lurched every time she thought of them. It made sense, if what Mical said was true. The distance between her and Atton had grown since he had encountered Revan. Even on their way to Telos he had spent more time with her than Natalya. But something in her heart refused to believe it.

She dismissed these thoughts though as Carth entered the room. She had no real explanation for why she was there, Dustil hadn't required any more Force healing since he woke figured that this would be the place where she could focus on someone other than herself, Atton, or Revan.

Carth watched her warily as he took his usual seat next to Dustil. His son had been awake for the first few hours she was there, but soon fell asleep after his medications kicked in.

"How's he doing?" Carth asked.

"Fine," she said in a soft voice, "He's been able to move more muscles in his face, but he can't quite form words yet."

Carth didn't look as though he knew he was smiling, "He'll get there."

She motioned her head towards the door, "Did you want some time alone? I think I might have over extended my stay."

"Oh, nonsense. I actually came here to see how you were doing. When you weren't there this morning I figured you left to speak to Mical."

She nodded as she stood and took the seat next to Carth. "I don't really know what to make of it," she said quietly.

"I didn't either at first."

She sucked in her breath, "And what do you think now?"

"Knowing both of them...I guess I can see why. Though that doesn't make it hurt any less," he said carefully.

"We don't know anything for sure, though. I mean, Mical could have just seen them at the most inopportune moments, perhaps there isn't anything going on between them." She hated the glimmer of hope in her voice.

He looked at her for a moment, considering her words carefully, "I suppose not," he finally said.

They fell into a bout of silence, she focused her attention on Dustil's breathing as Carth shifted beside her.

"Did Atton ever tell you how we stayed together after you first left?"

She couldn't help the snort that she emitted, "What? No, what happened?"

His face twisted into a smile, "Yeah, he didn't have enough credits to get to Nar Shaddaa right away, so I let him stay with me while he did some work for the Restoration Project."

"That's funny," she said with an amused look, "I can't imagine that ending well."

"He was pretty mad at me the whole time, I guess he held a grudge against me for my part in your departure. I didn't see him much anyways, we were both working a lot. It only lasted about two or three weeks before he had enough credits to leave. He was grateful for my help, though, and towards the end he thanked me. It ended a lot better than expected."

She gave him a closed mouth smile as her thoughts traveled to the man she loved. Her heart ached as she thought of him, and she hoped to the Force that he still loved her.

"The night before he left, we went to the cantina an—"

The was a loud knock at the door, one borne of desperation.

They looked at each other warily before Carth stood to answer it.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Admiral," the young man behind the door said, Natalya recognized him from the other day but still could not remember his name, "We've received a shuttle from the Sith ship in orbit. I was told to inform you immediately."

Natalya's heart dropped into the pit of her stomach as she looked up at Carth, "Could it be?" She forced out.

"Thank you," Carth said before retreating into the room and grabbing his jacket. He lifted his eyebrows at Natalya before extending a hand and helping her out of the seat.

It took her every sense of self-control she had to keep herself from running to the hangar. Carth stood strong beside her, neither of them knowing what or who to expect. When they got there, however, they saw a team of emergency personnel rushing towards the shuttle.

They exchanged a look before rushing towards it themselves. Natalya nearly fell to her knees as the emergency team emerged from the shuttle with a man that she refused to recognize as Atton. Clearly unconscious, his face was completely battered, his body was covered in marks and bruises, and she was pretty sure that his shoulder was dislocated.

She hurried towards him, "What happened?" She asked in desperation, "Was there a woman on board?"

One man who was not carrying Atton turned to her, "Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to step away. This is an emergency situation."

"I'm with the Admiral," she said, gesturing to Carth behind her. The man only shook his head as they took Atton away, "You can't just take him away!"

"Miss, please, back away."

"I'm with the Admiral! Please, you have to let me go with him!" She shouted at him as he left in the same direction as Atton.

She went to follow him, but Carth restrained her by her arms. "Hey, hey," he said calmly, "This will be a lot easier if we comply. Atton clearly isn't okay, and we need to give them time to make sure he is stable."

She forced herself from his grip and turned to face him, "I can help though, he needs the Force!"

"Not when you're like this, Nat. It's going to be okay, we just have to stay calm."

Her eyes were wide as she looked up at him. His brown eyes reflected sadness, but they remained strong as he continued to grip her tightly while she tried to squirm away.

"Look, why don't we go get Mical while they take care of the initial damage? I'll have him help out, that way we can be sure someone you trust is in there."

She refused to meet his eyes as she thought it through. "Fine," she concluded.

* * *

Revan rubbed her wrist, frustrated by the red ring that refused to go away. She knew Garik was still wary of her, as he should be, because he told her to stay in his quarters. And so she remained seated on the sofa that he occupied most of her time on this ship. She wasn't sure what to expect, and she wasn't even entirely sure where they were going. She drummed her fingers on her thighs as chastised herself for not listening better when he went over the plans.

Garik entered the room casually and took his seat by his desk. He had some datapads that he was looking over carefully, and she couldn't stop her gut reaction from reaching for her lightsaber.

"Really, Revan," he said without looking up, "I thought you realized that you could trust me by now. I've kept up my end of the bargain, I received word not an hour ago that his shuttle landed safely on Telos."

She carefully let out the breath that she realized she was holding in.

"But I must say, I'm not surprised that you haven't already made an attempt at my life. Though you should know, I did not send Atton alone. I'm not an amateur. If my spies catch word that I have been killed, Atton dies as well. And if that's not an incentive enough, I'm sure they'll come across the Exile while they're tracking him. She dies as well."

Revan swallowed hard, but kept her composure and nodded. "Very well, I'll make sure you're alive so long as they're safe. And if you don't keep your end of the bargain—"

"I'm no fool, Revan," Garik laughed, "I know I alone don't stand a chance against you. That's what I mean when I say the Sith aren't smart. My master believes that he is far more powerful than you, and that your strength would only enhance that power. He deserves to die for many reasons, but his idiocy is beyond tolerable."

Revan's eyebrows twitched in slight confusion, "So you want to kill your master with my help and control the Sith. And though you're not going to attack me because you know you couldn't beat me, you still want to lead? That doesn't make sense."

A scowl formed on his usually pleasant face. "This is something I'd rather not talk about right now," he said as he lit a cigarra and left the room.

Revan smiled to herself as she sat alone in the room. There was something beneath this story, and she intended to find out. There was something different about Garik, and she was close to figuring out what it was.

* * *

Natalya sat with Carth outside the medbay. He had personally requested that Mical be able to help with Atton's injuries. They reluctantly accepted Mical, and he had been gone for quite some time. Natalya felt completely numb. Here was a man who held her heart, had gone missing, potentially betrayed her, and came back completely broken, and she wasn't allowed to see him.

She knew she would be no help, she was too emotionally frenzied to focus on anything. She didn't know if she would heal him or punch him in the stomach for cozying up to Revan. Okay, she probably wouldn't punch him in the stomach, but she might've felt like it.

She had only caught a glimpse of him as he was taken off the shuttle, but it was enough to know. She had seen a lot of bodies close to death, and Atton's shared similar qualities. However, she held in her tears. She would not cry for the man who was still alive. Tears were for the dead, and at that moment that was not what Atton was.

Tears were also for the brokenhearted. And though she was close, she still had a conversation left before she really knew. So for the moment, in that absolute moment sitting in a chair outside the medbay, Atton was hers, and he was alive. She would not cry for him.

Carth watched her warily out of the corner of his eyes. She caught him every few minutes, but tried not to give too many of her emotions away. Not that they weren't completely visible a few hours ago, and not that he didn't already know exactly how she was feeling.

"So how are you feeling about Revan?" She asked, though she regretted it immediately. It had been one of the first things to come to her mind.

He looked visibly affected by her words, "I'm worried about her. I'm worried as to what had to happen for her to stay and Atton to come back alone."

"Me too," she said quietly.

"As for our relationship," he stroked the stubble along his jaw, "I can't say. I know I'll never give up on her, but I think she gave up on me a long time ago."

"So you still have feelings for her? Even though you know you won't be able to be together?"

"I guess you could say that. I've already waited for over five years for her. It just feels like I'm still waiting."

She pressed her lips together, "And you're okay with that? Do you think that you'll ever stop?"

"Natalya," he said, reaching his hand out and placing it on top of hers, "I didn't have the same type of relationship you and Atton have. I don't know if he's willing to give up what the two of you have, but I know it'll be a hard decision. That is if he even has feelings for Revan, we don't know for sure. You just have to trust in what you have and hope that you two will make it."

She nodded distantly. She knew his words were supposed to be comforting, but they left a bitter taste in her mouth. What if Atton was willing to give up what they had? She couldn't bare the thought, and so she pushed it aside. It would have to be something she worried about once she knew for sure that he was healthy.


	23. Chapter 23

_Sorry for the lack of updates, everyone. School has been kicking my butt this week, but hopefully I'll be getting right back on track. A+ to whoever can spot the KOTOR 2 reference!_

* * *

Natalya stared blankly out the window of the medbay room. Atton had been awake when they let her in, but he was a bit delusional and soon fell asleep. She lost track of time as she waited by his side, and soon relocated to where she could lose herself in the busy lights of Citadel Station.

She listened to his steady breathing, comforting and yet not comforting at the same time. She had been on edge before, but the second Carth left her alone with him she felt completely unsettled. She stopped her numb gaze out the window every few minutes to turn her attention to him. His chest moved gently up and down, though it was covered in lacerations and bruises. His black eyes and the swelling in his face decreased substantially, and she made a mental note to thank Mical for that later.

It was nearly unbearable to look him for long, before she would feel her mind subconsciously reaching out for his. She didn't want to know exactly what was in there, she wasn't ready for that yet. And so she had to stop herself before she delved too deep, before the bond fully opened her eyes to his subconscious. If there was anything between him and Revan, she wanted him to tell her himself.

She thought of how distant he had grown over the past week and a half. Space travel had made her lonely, but he wasn't there for her the entire trip to Telos. The more she thought about it the more she realized that he had been with Revan or sulking by himself nearly the entire time. The only time he spent with her was when she forced herself into the copilot's seat next to him, and even then he had looked at her curiously.

She thought of the night before and the morning that he left with Revan. He had been so quiet, so distant. Here she was pouring her heart out and worrying about him, and he could have been completely thinking of someone else. Her heart ached at the thought of him having feelings for someone else. Especially someone she had been so close to, had trusted for so long. But it wouldn't be the first time a man had come between them.

Atton stirred slightly in his bed, and she turned her head to face him. His eyes fluttered open and she cursed herself for the way her heart leapt at the sight. His eyes focused on the room, and for a moment she wasn't sure if he was cognizant of his surroundings or not. She stood from her seat by the window and returned to his side. He moaned softly as his eyes fell on her, and she couldn't help the smile that fell upon her lips.

"Hey," she spoke gently, reaching a hand out for his. He watched her carefully before taking it, albeit laboriously. Her fingers brushed against the rough grain of his palms, carefully memorizing each line and curve. She had missed him so much, she had been so worried for him, and now here he was and it didn't seem like enough. She could feel the piece of him that was missing, and in part the piece of her that was missing.

His eyes slipped closed again, and she couldn't help the bitter tears that wouldn't fall free from her eyes. She let them hang in the balance, neither going away or letting them go. Because just like the tears, she was in the balance. Which way she went all depended on the man in front of her, and she silently begged to be loved.

* * *

"You know, you're actually doing the Republic a favor by helping me," Garik said as he pushed the food around on his plate.

Revan was still hesitant to eat her food, so at the prospect of conversation she lifted her head to acknowledge him, "How so?"

"Well, you're on your way to killing the current Dark Lord of the Sith, one that's been hidden for years. That's pretty good if you ask me."

Her eyebrows crinkled together, "You do realize that I'm also helping you replace him."

"Yes, I suppose you're right. Well it's the thought that counts."

She managed to stifle a small laugh, "Of course."

He went back to his food, ignoring her careful gaze as he ate with every bit of proper etiquette.

"So tell me about him," she said finally.

"Who, my master?"

She only nodded.

"Hm. I'd rather not at the moment. At least not while I'm eating," he said, putting down his fork and meeting her gaze. His eyes wavered a bit, and so she continued to prod.

"Shouldn't I know? I mean I am the one who's going to help you, and let's face it I'm probably going to be doing most of the work. If I'm going to kill him I should probably know who he is and what he's like. You know," she looked at him sternly, "the whole deal."

"The whole deal...well I'm sure we don't have time for that, nor do I believe you'd have the desire to hear it all. It's a dreadful story, so I'll spare you the details.." He made a face and broke eye contact, looking back down at his plate before pushing it away. He lifted his eyes to meet hers again, but said nothing. She lifted her eyebrows as if he weren't getting away without telling her.

"He is my brother, and that should be enough to tell you everything you need to know. Does it matter? Of course it does. But who are we to choose who our family is, or even who we serve? We are all pawns."

Her eyes and voice remained still though she was slightly shaken, "And what makes you say that?"

"Surely you're aware Revan. There's a darkness out there that never sleeps, a darkness that none of us can comprehend. Not even my master knows. We are all pawns to the Force itself. I think out of anyone you'd understand the most."

She could only nod, taking in a deep breath. Her lack of hunger had not subsided, and so she left the conversation. Garik was getting to her, and surely he could see that. At this point she didn't care, she just wanted to help him and get the hell out of there. She hated how he revered her for her past. She thought she was doing so well dealing with all of the memories. But then she met Atton and everything she felt comfortable with shifted and threw her against a wall.

She walked down the halls of the ship, feeling uncomfortable with all of the Sith casually walking by her. She was so used to fighting them that it was strange for them to leave her in peace. Out of everyone she missed Atton the most, he could understand her, he knew her in the past and still accepted it for what it was. She just wanted to see him again, though she knew that he was probably safe and happy with Natalya now.

She had thought that maybe, he just might feel something for her too. But who was she fooling? He didn't need her. She was a constant reminder of his past, just as he was for her. But she liked the pain, the memories that she couldn't kill gave her life. They made her feel alive as opposed to the deadness that she felt on a constant basis. Atton was that constant reminder, but he was also the path to forgiveness. She had never asked it from him, but she could sense it within him. If he could accept her, if he could love her, then maybe perhaps she would find some comfort in his arms. She had a taste, just a glimmer of hope, and she wasn't willing to let it go.

* * *

Carth tapped lightly on the medbay door, unsure if Atton was still asleep or not. A few moments passed before he heard light footsteps on the other side, and soon the door was opened to reveal Natalya. She greeted him warmly with a hug that echoed sadness. They had been in the medbay for far too much time.

He let her go almost reluctantly, he could see the comfort she needed in her eyes. But he wasn't the one who could give her that comfort. She looked like a woman suffering, and he felt so bad for her that he didn't even stop to think about how the prospect of Atton and Revan had affected him.

He watched Atton by Natalya's side until he completely lost track of time. Soon Mical was with them, and Carth could see that he was only helping for the sake of Natalya. Mical and Atton had never really liked each other, and as nice as Mical was, Carth doubted that he would watch Atton so closely had he not meant so much to her. But Mical arrived faithfully, sitting by Atton's side and administering to his wounds. Carth wasn't sure how well he would be doing without Mical's help.

Not that Atton would care. He was pretty selfish and whenever he awoke he would probably just ignore everyone and focus on the women in his life. Carth usually tried to be reasonable when it came to Atton, but sometimes the man just completely rubbed him the wrong way. He didn't want to have to deal with him, and maybe that's why he had gotten on so well with Mical. Carth didn't see the appeal of the drunk gambler before him, though they did have some fun while they lived together seemingly forever ago, Carth knew how quickly that could get old.

Maybe he was more angry with him because of the idea that he had been fooling around with Revan while he was still with Natalya. Natalya was sweet and faithful and had been so wonderful to talk to lately, and the idea of him not being loyal to her nearly made Carth's blood boil. No matter how much Natalya believed that she needed to hear Atton's side of the story, Carth had made up his mind, he knew deep down that there was nothing there.

Carth looked over at her, her neck bent forward, her eyes closed. He sighed a small laugh and gently pushed her shoulder. She looked up at him sleepily as her eyes opened.

"Hey, you're going to put your neck out if you sleep here," he said kindly, but firmly.

Her lips parted in a sad smile, "I don't want to leave in case he wakes up again."

"I'll stay here, I promise, and if he wakes up I'll come get you immediately. You need your sleep."

Her green eyes blinked a few times before she nodded and stood from her seat, gently stretching out the tired muscles in her back. He stood as well.

"Hey Nat," he said quietly.

"Yes?"

"You deserve better," he said, glancing at Atton, "If he wakes up and you find out he's not everything you think he is, don't take it too hard. You're stronger than this man would have you think."

Her eyes immediately turned dark, but softened slightly as she turned her head away, "You don't know that, Carth."

She left the room without another glance towards him. He felt guilty, but knew that she needed to hear it, or at least he hoped she did. He knew that if Atton didn't turn out to be everything she thought he was, she would soon realize the truth in Carth's words. She was strong, and she would be able to handle it, no matter how much she thought otherwise.

He meant every word.


	24. Chapter 24

Revan watched as Garik's face twisted in a scowl as he looked down at the datapad on his lap. She wondered constantly what he was up to, he always seemed busy and yet he never really did anything. She took a bite out of a ration bar, still wary of the food on the ship. She knew Garik wouldn't poison her, but it wasn't beneath any of the other Sith on the ship.

His eyebrows furrowed even deeper as his fingers ran along the datapad, and it actually brought a small smile to her lips. He may have been dark, evil, and aspiring to be a Sith Lord, but at least he was entertaining.

"What has gotten you all worked up?"

She realized that Garik had lifted his head and was looking at her as if she were crazy.

"I'm sorry," she said as seriously as she could, "I didn't realize that smiling was considered being 'worked up'."

He smirked, "I suppose not, but it's good to see. You've been far too stuffy this entire trip. I think you think of us Sith as an entirety, not as individuals."

She looked at him for a long moment, determining whether or not she wanted to have this conversation. She sighed, "Okay, and why shouldn't I?"

"Because we're not an ideal, as so many think. What, because I'm aligned with the Sith suddenly you have to hate me?"

"Let's see, yes? Of course? I mean I've been there, I know what it is to fall for a purpose. But the darkness still envelopes you, it's still there. You do things that you shouldn't, you kill for the purpose of killing and feel no sympathy for it. So I ask you, because you have more of a personality I shouldn't hate you? Even though you still stand for everything I stand against?"

She could tell he was biting the inside of his cheek in thought, "Well do you?"

"What?"

He lifted his eyebrows as he tilted his head, "Do you hate me, Revan?"

She watched him carefully, "I don't know."

He smiled weakly, "We're on either end of the spectrum, but that doesn't change the fact that we're still sentient beings. We're similar, you and I, but I think you don't want to realize that fact. Sure, I can kill without sympathy, but so do the Mandalorians, and correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't you befriended one?"

"That's different," she said, trying to keep her composure.

"Is it? How so? You led a kriffing army against their people, and then you befriended one. You're leading an army against the Sith, and yet we can't be friends?"

"Maybe after we beat you."

He laughed a loud, genuine laugh, and she couldn't help cracking a smile. "I'm telling you, Revan," he said as his face sobered, "We're not that different, as much as you'd like to deny it. I am merely a man and you are merely a woman, and right now we're on our way to kill my master. Together."

Her smile fell quickly, "That doesn't make us the same Garik and you know it. Yes, I had fallen but that's behind me. If you think that you're going to turn me or something, you are gravely mistaken."

"Is it truly behind you?" He asked, "I could feel your dark emotions concerning Atton. I have to wonder if you're not truly lost."

She could feel the heat rising to her face, "You used him. Sure I was angry at you but that doesn't mean I'm on the dark side or even capable of falling again. I know my allegiance, and I know it's with the Republic. It always has been."

"Yes I suppose so," he said, resting his jaw in the palm of his hand, "And I suppose at the end of all this you think you're getting away?"

Her face fell and she narrowed her eyes at him, "What are you saying?"

"Well I just have to wonder what will actually happen once we face my master—"

"Your brother," she interrupted.

Her glared at her before continuing, "Yes...my brother. Once he is dead what will become of us? I'll take over the Sith, but I'm sure you'll go back to the Republic and tell them of my location, won't you?"

She looked down at her hands, "I have to protect them," her eyes lifted to acknowledge him fully, "But I suppose if you were to leave us alone, I could leave you alone."

He smiled, but her face remained as still as stone, "Then we are friends."

She watched him carefully, toying with his logic in her head. Every stone was capable of cracking. "We'll see, Garik."

* * *

Atton awoke to the bright lights of a medbay room. His hazy mind told him something was wrong, but he couldn't focus enough to figure out what happened. He noticed Carth standing by the window, looking out as the daylight started to pour in.

The haziness lifted with time, though his eyes remained fixated on Carth, who continued to stare blankly out the window. His eyes slipped closed once more, but he did not lose consciousness. Instead he found comfort in breathing in the cool air and the feeling of the warm sheets wrapped around his aching body.

But the sound of the door opening snapped him out of his reverie. His eyes opened and glanced towards the door, where Natalya was entering. She looked tired and worn, her robe wrapped tightly around her, the underneath of her eyes dark. She locked eyes with him, and there was something there that he wasn't sure he had seen before. Her mouth, however, betrayed her eyes and smiled at him.

Her and Carth came towards him, and he groaned slightly as he tried to move his arms and lift himself up. The pain was too intense for him to move at all, and so he settled on remaining motionless in the bed. Natalya tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and sat down next to him.

"It's okay," she said quietly, "Don't push yourself."

His head ached, but he managed a closed mouth smile. Her and Carth shared a glance that did not go unnoticed by Atton. He took a few clear, deep breaths through his nose before he tried to speak.

"What happened?" He asked.

Carth and Natalya looked at each other again before turning to him, and Atton decided that that needed to stop right away.

"You arrived on a shuttle a couple days ago, we were kind of hoping you could tell us," Natalya said softly.

His mind tried to trace back to when he last remembered anything, but couldn't remember a shuttle. The last thing he remembered was Revan saying goodbye, promising to come back for him. His heart rate increased as he considered the implications and what that meant for him, and where she could possibly be.

"I don't remember a shuttle," he said, his voice still groggy.

Her eyebrows twisted in concern, "What do you remember?"

"A ship," he managed, "We were in a cell...he beat me, bad."

"Who beat you?" Carth interjected.

Atton stared at him in a moment of thought, he could picture the man's features, but not his entire face. That one scar running down the side of his face was burned into his memory, "I don't remember his name. He was with the Sith."

Natalya hesitated before asking her next question, "Do you know where Revan is?"

His mind flashed to her saying goodbye, and so he painfully shook his head no, "She said she had to go...her wrists weren't bound anymore and she told me I'd be safe." His mind suddenly clicked and connected all the fragments of his memories of the past few days. "That's when I was taken to the shuttle." He blinked hard as a throbbing pain began in his jaw.

"That can't be good," she said as she looked to Carth, "You should probably rest, Atton."

He looked at her warily for a moment before he silently agreed. He was tired and everything ached and throbbed and he really just wanted some sleep. He didn't want to have to think about the pain that he endured in the last few days, nor the pain that he caused others. And most of all he didn't want to have to wonder where she was.

* * *

"What do you think?" Carth asked her long after Atton had fallen asleep again.

"I don't know," she said, running her fingers along a frayed edge of her robe. She shifted her focus and looked up to see Carth watching her. His concern was nice, of course, but he was so...protective. It was strange. "I'm worried about Revan," she said finally.

"You don't think she could have fallen, do you?"

Natalya considered it for a moment, but shook her head, "I don't think she's capable of that anymore. Not after what she's done, not after knowing you. I think she's smarter than we know, and I'm sure she has a plan somewhere in that mind of hers."

"What if you're wrong?" He asked, his voice pained.

"Then...then we have to face the darkness. But I don't know if I could do it, Carth."

He watched her carefully, "Do what?"

"Fight Revan. She still means too much to me," she said, releasing the edge of her robe in her hands.

"Me too," he said distantly, "Perhaps the whole galaxy would fall into darkness once and for all. Maybe this is the final push."

She bit her lip in concern, "Surely you don't believe that to be true."

"No," he said with the shake of his head, "No, I trust in Revan. She's going to be okay, and we're going to be okay. Even if she did fall again, I can't abandon the Republic. It would be hard to oppose her, but I'd have to do it, and I hope you would too."

He looked at her expectantly, and as she looked up into those big brown eyes she could only nod sadly.

* * *

_"Today is a good day, my brother."_

_Garik looked up from the datapad in his hand that he had been mindlessly sorting through. By the way his brother boistered into their shared quarters, something was clearly up. He lifted his eyebrows at the man before him._

_"And why is that?" He questioned, setting aside the datapad._

_"Because we are finally ready to face our master in one last test. And today we will be victorious." Despite the darkness that was evident in his face, his brother looked as happy as he could remember ever seeing him. They had been through rigorous training, having been taken in at such a late age. Both brothers were strong in the Force, but were still far too old to be taken in for training. And yet they had surpassed all expectations._

_"Do you really think we're ready?" Garik asked, standing and walking over to where his brother was adjusting the belt on his robe._

_He looked up at Garik and stopped his fumbling fingers. A smile broke onto his face and he closed the distance between them._

_He placed each hand on Garik's shoulders. "Brother, I _know_ we are."_

_He backed away and left in the direction of the bedroom. Garik tilted his head for a moment in thought before following him._

_"We haven't thought the logistics through, though. There can only be one Dark Lord. Surely both of us cannot take the title."_

_"And why not? We're both powerful, and where one has flaws the other has strengths. Together we'd be unstoppable. Why let some unspoken rules determine our fate in the galaxy?"_

_Garik nodded, accepting his words. He faced his brother full on, they were nearly identical and some even accused them as such. Only a few years and their height differentiated them. Garik smiled at his brother, the prospect of ruling the Sith by his side was worth the time and pain they had to go through to get here._

_"Then it is a good day, my brother."_

Garik swallowed painfully at the memory. He looked out the viewport at the planet before him. A series of beeps rang out on the console as their pilot shifted and grabbed at different controls. Garik turned to a Sith clad in black to his right, carefully masking his emotions.

"Tell Revan that we're here."


	25. Chapter 25

_"Are you ready?"_

_Garik looked up from where he was crouched down, his brother held his lightsaber at the ready, prepared to face their master for one final battle. He stood and nodded, taking his own lightsaber into his hand._

_"If one of us does not survive," his brother said calmly, "It was a pleasure working with you, my brother."_

_"It was," Garik agreed, "But we will survive."_

_His brother broke into a smile before the both of them entered their master's chambers. He was seated at the table, eating alone. He looked up as the two of them entered, surprise not evident in his face, but his body had slightly tensed. Garik was able to sense the apprehension in the man, and in that moment considered him a fool. He was unworthy to be Dark Lord, and so his time had come._

_"Well, what do we have here?" He said without hesitation, "Have you two finally come to see if you're worth anything in this galaxy?"_

_His brother ignited his lightsaber, "You talk too much old man, you knew that this was coming."_

_"Ah, of course, but while I'm eating? Please, spare me a few more minutes before I have to kill my favorite apprentices."_

_Garik's blood boiled, and he was already ready to fight. He ignited his lightsaber and lunged at the man seated at the table. Their master, however, was quick and was able to defend himself against Garik's attack. His brother was able to circle around their master, raising his lightsaber and preparing to plunge it into his back._

_Their master turned and blocked the attack, leaving him open to Garik, who swung widely towards his side. He hadn't expected how quickly he would be able to block his attack, but as he looked down he could see his brother's blade coming through the old man's body. He let out a soft groan as he fell to the ground._

_Garik looked up at his brother and smiled, though his brother was still looking at the ground where their master fell. They were both breathing heavy, but the blade that killed their master was still ignited. Garik wanted to assume that his brother was just shocked by how quickly this all happened, but he had a sinking feeling that this was not the case._

_"We did it," he prodded, "Power is ours, brother."_

_His brother broke his eye contact with the ground, finally looking up and meeting Garik's eyes. He was still breathing heavy, and his eyes were dark and angry._

_"I did it. I earned this."_

_Garik sighed, "Don't do this. You know we needed each other for this, you couldn't have killed him had I not been here. Don't let your lust for power consume you."_

_"Lust for power? Do you truly not know anything about the Sith, Garik? You should have seen this coming, you are so blind, my brother."_

_Garik bit his lip in frustration, "So what'll you have me do? Are you going to kill me?" his voice was slightly pleading as he looked his brother in the eyes. But he only shook his head._

_"No, I will not kill you. Not if you step down willingly. Be my apprentice, and we can avoid this nasty confrontation, brother."_

_Garik's lightsaber came to life, "It's a shame, really. We could have been so much, our power would've known no limits. But I will not step down, not willingly," he said as he raised his blade._

_Immediately his brother's blade came swinging at him. Garik was barely able to defend himself in time, but was able to use his strength to fend off his brother. The lightsaber came swinging towards him again, although this time he was prepared._

_He came down hard on his brother, swinging wildly, but accurately. His sights were set on one thing and one thing only: winning. Sure they had sparred many times in the past, though neither took it as seriously as they should have. He sensed an opening and fiercely struck the other lightsaber in a moment of weakness, and the blade went flying out of his brother's hand. He sent a swift kick to his shoulder, causing him to turn and cry out in pain._

_He raised his lightsaber to send through his back, but his brother turned swiftly, swinging his arm up and pain soon echoed down his cheek and to his neck. Garik looked down at him horrifyingly, a dagger in his brother's hand clattered out with his blood on it, and he soon felt his legs give out. He could feel the warm liquid seeping onto his face, and soon his vision grew black._

_The last thing he heard before he slipped unconscious was, "Choose brother. Whether you live or die is up to me. Choose life and you are choosing to be my apprentice."_

_Garik's breath was weak and he was barely able to form words, "I want to live."_

_And so his world went black._

* * *

"Are you ready?" Garik looked down at Revan, who was glaring at him, standing just before the loading ramp. "I told you, they're just for show," he said, gesturing to her bound wrists.

She twisted both of her arms to the left, removing the bindings for reassurance. Once she was sure that she would be able to escape, she clicked them back on and followed him down the loading ramp and outside the ship.

She was two steps behind him at all times, feeling wholly uncomfortable. She had felt relatively safe on the ship, knowing full well that if she had to she could've destroyed everyone on it. The consequences, however, were far too high and she wasn't willing to kill Atton and Natalya for her own life. But here on this planet, wherever she was, she felt exposed. Not even Garik's word seemed to protect her from the harsh eyes of the Sith here.

So she kept close, practically breathing down Garik's neck if he wasn't taller than her. The one good thing, however, being off of the ship was that the Force had returned to her in full. Well maybe it wasn't such a great thing, seeing as now she could feel all the dark energy pounding at her defenses.

They came to a door at the end of the corridor that they were in, Garik stopping them right outside of it. He turned to her then and said, "I need to talk to him for a moment. Wait here until I come get you."

She looked around at her surroundings, wanting to refuse but nodding her head. He slipped behind the door, leaving her alone with several guards. She looked at them warily, her mind focusing on her lightsaber under her robe, strapped to her thigh. They left her alone for the most part though, and soon Garik returned from behind the door.

He nodded at her and she followed him back through it. It was dark mostly, but a little light came from within, and they were heading towards it. Garik stopped and she followed suit when they came in view of a table, filled with an assortment of foods, and a cloaked man at the other end. His face was completely hidden by his robes, black as the depths of space, but she knew it had to be his brother.

His head turned up towards them, "Ah, Revan, how lovely to see you. I suppose you've been dying for a little different company. Come, sit."

She risked a glance at Garik, but he was focused on his brother. She quietly took a deep breath and sat at the table, opposite from his brother. Her hands shifted nervously behind her back, dying to be freed from her bounds. She willed herself not to move them a single inch, for the sake of risking their mission.

"Master, it pleases me to tell you that Revan has come to see our way of thinking. She's willing to join us, and with her help I'm confident that we can find the Exile." Garik said confidently, taking the seat next to Revan.

"I told you not to return until you found her. And yet here you are, so I have to ask, why?"

Garik glanced at Revan, "Things...got a bit more complicated."

"How so?"

Revan watched as Garik broke into a broad smile, "Because, my brother, you are going to die."

The cloaked figure's head turned swiftly towards Garik, but Revan's hands were already freed from her bounds. She grabbed her lightsaber instantly, watching as Garik made the first move. He swung too low, leaving himself open. She chastised herself for not sparring or anything during their time in space, but now it was too late for any of that. It didn't matter anyways, as his master completely missed the opening and swung sloppily at Garik's shoulder.

She tried to ration why they were so slovenly with their fighting abilities. Perhaps because neither were entirely prepared, or maybe because they weren't trained until such a late age. Either way, she knew that she had to intervene. She swung her body over the table to the other side where she could get a good angle on Garik's brother. They both seemed preoccupied with each other, and so it only took a single swing towards the arm to distract them.

He barely moved his arm in time, burning it badly but not enough to sever it. He growled and turned to her, swinging wildly towards her midsection. She was able to block and parry easily, yelling at Garik, "Now!"

She had to back out of the way as the lightsaber came screaming through his brother's stomach. It nearly hit her as well, and she could feel the heat from it through her robes. She breathed a sigh of relief as the man fell to the ground with a soft groan.

"And now, my brother, you know the taste of betrayal. Such a shame that you couldn't share," Garik said bitterly, kicking the body aside. He turned to Revan then, and she rolled her eyes when she realized that his lightsaber was still ignited.

"And you," he said darkly, "Did you actually think that I was going to let you go free?"

She merely watched him in silence, half-shocked, half-calculating. She gave him a careful look before speaking, "Why?"

"You'll only take this power from me, Revan. Whether you want it for yourself or if you'll go back to the Republic and start a war against me. Either way, I earned this, and you are my enemy."

She laughed bitterly, "And here I thought we were friends."

"Only fools have friends, Revan," he sighed, "Even yours shouldn't be trusted. You don't think Natalya and Atton are looking for you, do you? They're probably on Telos, forgetting all about you as they cozy up to each other."

She bit her lip, "That's not going to work, Garik. You gave me your word and I gave you mine. I came through on my end, so you better pony up or things are going to get real ugly, real fast."

He looked down at the harsh glow of his lightsaber, "I suppose, Revan. Funny that you would dare oppose me in my own fortress, though. I am the Dark Lord of the Sith now."

"And you said that you would let me go."

He wavered slightly and lowered his blade. "I suppose you're right. Fine. I'll take you to a ship immediately."

Revan was many things, but she liked to think that a fool wasn't one of them. She followed him for the sake of luring him into a sense of comfort, but she knew that he was still planning to kill her. She kept all of her senses alert, reaching out to the Force to find the right path she should take.

He led her to a hangar within the fortress. She still had no idea what planet they were on, but knew that she could probably fly her way back to Telos. Everyone thought that she couldn't fly a ship, and it was mostly true, but Carth had taught her the basics back when they were still together. He didn't entirely understand why, but even then she was preparing for situations such as this.

And what a delicate situation it was. She continued to follow Garik as he led her to the loading ramp, watching around them for snipers and shooters. But it was just them alone. Any moment he would turn on her, she knew, and any second she could be dead. But she wasn't yet and that was enough for her to keep going.

She was going to miss Garik, if she got out of this alive. While he may have just betrayed her, taking the mantle of Dark Lord that had once been hers, he was still interesting to be around. She would miss his odd musings and his proper accent that made him seem so snobbish, even though he really was.

"Now our last agreement will hold true, will it not? I won't attack you if you won't attack me," he said as he lowered the loading ramp for her.

She looked at him skeptically, "You actually think I believe that?"

"Do you have any other options?"

She bit her lip as she watched him, carefully composing her next action in her mind. He came over to her and reached for her hand, which she shook graciously with a smile. Her hand then gripped his as hard as it could, pulling him forward into the dagger in her other hand, suddenly exposed and extended towards him.

He looked down, realizing it was the same blade that his brother had used on him before. His breath came out ragged as he looked at her confusedly, "How did you—?"

A bitter smile crept onto her face, "I found it when you made the first move on your brother, thought it might prove useful. I'm sorry it had to end like this, Garik, but you should've realized that you shouldn't cross me. I am a powerful enemy, and I fear I am your last."

She let go of the dagger as his body fell to the ground, dead. She looked at him one last time before hurrying onto the ship. She willed the Force to allow her enough time to leave the fortress' firing range before they realized she was gone. She searched the ship thoroughly for any tracking devices before she set her coordinates to Telos and sought out the communications terminal.

She patched in the carefully memorized number that Carth gave her in the event of an emergency. She waited a few minutes before she was clicked through. She could barely make out his voice through the static, and hoped to the Force that he would be able to hear her.

"Carth, I'm okay and I'm on my way back to Telos. Please track my position."


	26. Chapter 26

Atton had been up and moving, much to Natalya's pleasure. It had been a day since they received Revan's message, and she wanted him to be as normal as possible for when she arrived. Gods forbid that the woman actually feel pity for him or worse, try to heal him. As long as Atton was in good health, Revan wouldn't have any excuses to see him more than she should.

Natalya's mind, however, was like a war zone. One part of her wanted to yell and scream at Revan for even thinking of Atton, her Atton, in that way. Another wanted to hit Atton for forgetting about her so easily. And the other wanted to slap herself across the face for even believing that the rumors to be true. Even though she knew deep within her that there was something there. Even if they were not sharing...feelings, they were certainly sharing something.

But she didn't ask him about it. She didn't want him to confirm nor deny it. She knew that either way she wouldn't believe him.

He came back to their apartment that night, and that was when she realized that she couldn't ask him at all. She could not let those words escape her lips. She watched as he climbed into bed, still in pain but manageable, and did not join him. It wasn't until she was sure that he was asleep did she climb in next to him, letting the silent tears fall as she watched his laborious breath escape his chest. She cried because she knew that these could be their last days together, this could be one of the last nights that she would spend by his side.

Revan was coming back.

Atton had no reaction when Carth told them the news. She tried to be inconspicuous as she watched his facial expression, waiting for joy or discomfort at the news. His face remained still, and it nearly killed her inside. She just wanted to know without actually knowing.

Mical had made himself distant lately, she noticed. She was okay with it, though. She didn't want to see him, to be reminded of the fact that he had seen Revan and Atton together. She didn't want to be reminded that there was a possibility that it was true, and Mical represented that for her. She didn't want to see him at all.

At this point Carth felt like the only safe place that she had. And so when the tears dried she gathered her robes and escaped the apartment, feeling as though she were leaving him behind for good. She shook the feeling, however, and sought out Carth in the cool recycled air of Citadel Station. It wasn't as late as she thought it was, and thankfully he was still up when she knocked on his door.

He let her in without a word, knowing full well her troubles. She hated bothering him like this, but her own mind wasn't a good place to be alone at the moment, and so she accepted his company with gratitude.

"I don't know what to say," she said as she settled onto the sofa across from the one he was seated on.

"About Revan?" He prodded.

She pressed her lips together in thought, "Carth, why is this so hard?"

"You need to talk to Atton, I'm telling you. You won't feel better until you do."

Her voice came out as a hoarse whisper and she cursed herself for being so affected by a man, "I don't want to know."

"Better you know now before Revan comes back than finding out when she's here. Natalya, you know I have your best interests at heart," he said as he stood and lowered himself next to her, "But judging by Revan's position she'll be here as early as tomorrow night. You need to hear it from Atton first."

"Carth, what if he says yes?"

He gave a sympathetic smile, "What if he says no?"

They talked only a few more minutes before she convinced him that she would be okay. She left feeling satisfied enough, she knew in her heart that Carth was right. Though that didn't stop her from giving herself a mental pep-talk the entire way home.

She entered their apartment as quietly as she could, but as she crawled into the bed Atton stirred. He turned his head towards her, "You left," he said quietly.

A smile came across her face, deceiving even her, "I'm here now."

He gave her a smile of his own, but she could see the disconnect that he felt. She wondered how things were going to change once Revan came back. His eyes closed as she intertwined her fingers with hers.

"Atton?"

He groaned a little to let her know he was there, but didn't open his eyes. Her heart sank as she spoke her next words, hoping that they had some sort of meaning for him.

"I always will be."

* * *

Revan felt hollow. She felt as hollow as she had ever felt in her entire life, or at least of what she remembered. She thought back to the lifeless body of Garik as he fell to the floor, her stomach turning in thought that she had just ended his life. It had been far too long since she had killed someone in such a close encounter.

She was getting soft.

But as she looked out at the stars she felt uneasy. The Sith would rise again, they would find a new leader, they always did. And yet she was sad for Garik that he had only been Lord for a matter of ten minutes, he would never be recognized in the history books. It was her fault for killing him, but he couldn't be left alive. Surely he would've understood. No not really, but it was the only thought that comforted her as she curled up in the pilot's seat.

She thought of Atton, and how he should have been there. She wondered what would've happened had he stayed. Would Garik have killed him, or would they have been able to escape earlier? She didn't know what to expect when she got back. She didn't know how any of them would react to what happened. She hoped they weren't worried for her, they should've known that she could handle herself. Her stomach turned as the thought struck her that handling herself meant killing Garik.

She had grown fond of him, and more than anything she wished that she didn't have to do it. He gave her no option, but she would've liked had they been able to come to an agreement. Had he not threatened her life she would've left him alive, but at that moment she realized that he was no better than any other Sith she had come across. She should've known better than to trust a Sith.

But that was over now, and hopefully behind her. She didn't want to have to explain it when she got back, but she knew that they deserved and explanation. At least Atton deserved it, she felt responsible for everything that happened to him on that ship. She only hoped that he thought nothing of her goodbye. She didn't want him to think that she felt anything for him, she herself didn't want to think that.

It wasn't that she didn't feel anything for him, but rather she knew she had to protect herself. He was with Natalya, and no matter how many problems between them that she read far too into, he obviously loved her and needed her more than he needed Revan. It was just self-defense on her part.

That was an easy thing to commit to when she was so far away all of them. With each passing moment she realized how near the time was coming when she would see him again. She knew that she could cut off her feelings, she did it with Carth, why shouldn't she be able to with Atton? She just hoped it wouldn't be a different story when she saw him again.

But as she hurtled through space to Telos, she let her mind slip into the quiet, drawing closer to the Force as she fell to her knees. She let the easiness of meditation lift each burden from her mind.

* * *

Morning passed too quickly for Atton. He watched as Natalya dressed, settling herself before the window. He had laid in bed for far too long, watching her sad expression. She tried so well to hide it, but he could see through her easily. He heard her soft cries in the night, and he could only guess at what was coming next. He finally stirred, removing himself from the bed, briefly remembering the pain he had felt the last time he had done so. Some things never changed.

She turned to look at him as he approached her. She gave him a smile, and he returned the gesture, but everything felt so hollow. He didn't know what had changed. She suggested that they go out to eat, he nodded and followed as she led them out of the apartment.

She grasped his hand tightly, and as they walked the city streets she never said a word. He kept his eyes up as they entered the cantina, not wanting to face her sad expression. She led him to a dark corner where it was relatively quiet. He wasn't supposed to drink during his recovery, but by the look on her face he ordered one for both of them.

When their drinks arrived he didn't hesitate to bring his to his lips. The burning that spread from his lips down to his stomach merely added to the confusion and hesitation that he felt from Natalya. She left hers on the table, tracing her fingers along the sides of it. Her stare was deep, and he waited as she seemed to find the right words to say.

"How are you?" She opened up with.

A smile came to his lips, "Is that really what you want to ask?"

She shook her head, "I'm not ready for that yet, play along."

"I'm good," he said quietly as his face fell. It was one thing to assume something was wrong, but to see the painful expression on her face as she hinted at it was too much for him. "I still feel like I've been mauled by a pack of kath hounds, but better than I was, I guess."

"What I really mean, is," she said, breaking her intense stare at her drink, lifting her eyes to meet his, "I heard some...things."

He placed his drink back on the table, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach, "Heard what?"

She bit her lip slightly, "Don't make me say it."

"Please," he forced, "Just tell me, it's okay."

"No Atton, it's not," she said as his eyebrows furrowed in expectation, "I heard you've been—"

"Been what?" He seemingly heard his own voice say. He hadn't intended to interrupt, but she had been talking so painfully slow.

She looked hurt but seemed to realize his impatience, "I heard you and Revan are...are closer than I thought."

That was it. His heart must have fallen into his stomach, there was no other explanation for the feeling inside his chest. "Revan and I?" he merely said.

She nodded, her eyes carefully watching his face. He knowingly kept his face as straight as possible, trying not to overplay being surprised or immediately reject the proposition, but at the same time not looking guilty. But what was he hiding?

"Nothing has happened between us," he settled on.

He knew by the look on her face that she didn't believe him, "I promise," he assured.

Her face looked even more pained as the next words came out, "I wasn't asking if anything happened between the two of you."

"Then what?"

"Do you...feel anything for her? Do you think of her before you think of...before you think of...of—"

"Of you?" He ventured. He could see how hard she was focusing on stopping the tears brimming at her eyes. His eyebrows wrinkled in the kind of sadness that comes with realizing you have no idea how to comfort someone.

He stood and walked around the table to her seat, crouching before her. He placed a hand around each of her upper arms, holding her secure as he looked up into those green eyes. "Natalya, you can trust in my feelings for you. You will always come first in my mind."

He gave her a warm smile, seeing the same reflected in her eyes. He himself wasn't entirely assured by the words he said. As the thoughts flooded his mind, he couldn't push the confusion away. And as he leaned up and kissed her, the lie fell to pieces. The kiss was as dead as he felt, and he could only hope that she didn't feel it.


	27. Chapter 27

Dinner was awkward. In fact, everything was awkward as Atton sat across from her, looking into those green eyes, knowing that she was suspicious, wondering if he was honest. He himself had done a damn good job at convincing himself that everything was fine. He convinced himself that Revan hadn't come between them, that Natalya shouldn't have to wonder if he was lying to her, and he didn't have to wonder if he was lying to himself.

But as he watched her quietly sit there, a look of sad contentment on her face, he knew that it was all going to come crashing down on him sooner or later. There was no way he'd be able to play both sides until he made a decision. The only thing he had at the moment was the grace period before Revan returned, in which he could hopefully make up his mind. He wasn't on the fence, persay, but both women had meant so much to him, and now felt as though there was no way to keep both of them.

His grace period fell apart, however, on their way back to their apartment as they received news that Revan's ship had arrived. He grasped Natalya's hand a little tighter as they changed their direction towards the hangar.

Atton saw her right away. The thinness of her figure, the long dark locks loosely hanging down her back, and the serious expression that could break at any moment gave her away. She was standing next to Carth, talking seriously. A tiny smile played at the corner of his lips at the sight. These were two people that had obviously cared about each other, and yet they managed to stay civil even after they had separated.

She turned her head towards them as they drew nearer. Her eyes were fixed on his, and he silently begged her to look away. He had almost forgotten the color of them, but the clarity of the blue made him wonder how he could ever forget. He turned his attention away as they were in speaking distance. Thankfully she hugged Natalya first and he risked a glance, seeing the bright smile on her face. As she let her go she turned to Atton, and he could feel everyone's eyes on them.

He looked up at Carth, who was staring daggers at him, he tried not to wince as he looked back down. Revan's thin arms wrapped around his waist, and he hesitantly wrapped his arms around her back. He let go quickly, and as she pulled away she looked up at him. He knew he must have flinched when her hand came up to his cheek, he could feel her thumb running along one of the many scars Garik had given him.

"I am so sorry," she whispered as her hand lingered._ Let go. For Force sake Revan, let go._

He gave her a quick nod, acknowledging what she had said, but not wanting to go further. As her hand fell from his face, he looked over at Natalya, whose head was turned away from the entire thing. He didn't want to hurt her, no he never did.

* * *

Natalya couldn't watch as Revan turned towards Atton. It wasn't that she hadn't believed him, it wasn't that she didn't want to see if there was anything between them, or even that she didn't want to see them together at all. It was that she realized how well they fit together. Atton had lost a serious amount of weight over the past week, and his thinness nearly matched Revan's. They looked like they belonged together.

Their dark features matched, though her blue eyes outshone Atton's dull grey. Their heights even went together, he head easily fitting under his chin. Natalya herself had been a little short for Atton, needing to stand on her toes to kiss him or him bending down to reach her lips. She bit her own lip as she looked away, feeling the remaining sparks from the last time he brushed his against them.

She felt a hand brush against her arm, turning her head expecting to see Atton, but there was only Carth. He gave her a reassuring squeeze before the four of them headed to his office. She noticed as Atton made an effort to stay near her, and though she appreciated his reassurance, she couldn't help but wonder the genuinity of it. That was one of the reasons she didn't want to bring this all up, because now she knew he felt like he had to make sure he was on his best behavior. She didn't want that.

As the door closed behind them, the three turned to Revan.

"Okay, so I was able to tell Carth some of it, but I'll go over everything, I promise," she spoke, looking at each of them for a long time. Natalya tried to tell if her eyes lingered on Atton longer than anyone else, but chastised herself for reading into it so much. She willed herself to stop thinking about it and instead focused on Revan's words as she explained her time on Garik's ship.

She sympathized with her friend, but knew it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. Natalya herself had always questioned how the two women were able to go through so much and kill as much as they had to and still be able to handle it. And yet when it came to Atton, Natalya felt as though she was falling apart.

* * *

Atton listened intently as Revan recounted her time away. He had tried to fill them in as much as he possibly could, but so much was hazy for him, and Revan provided the clarity that he had lost when Garik beat him. They listened and discussed for a long time, mostly Carth and Revan doing the speaking. Carth was able to handle their personal problems and Revan was mostly oblivious, so they were able to carry on a conversation. Mostly about a plan of attack on the Sith now that they knew one of their hiding places.

But soon the conversation wound down, and as Atton checked the chronometer he realized how late it was getting. His still sore body ached, and he longed for some rest that he badly needed to end this day. He and Natalya stood to leave, graciously thanking Carth for his time and giving their condolences to Revan for having to go through such an ordeal.

Atton had thought that they were in the clear before Revan stopped them. She placed a hand on his forearm and looked beyond him at Natalya, "Mind if I steal him for a moment?"

He could've sworn his heart stopped. She couldn't have chosen worse words to say, and as he turned his attention to Natalya he realized she must have felt the same. She glanced at Atton before returning her gaze to Revan, "Sure," she said quietly, and then she turned to Atton, "I'll be at the apartment."

She gestured to the door and he nodded. She left suddenly, without another word. He bit his lip as he turned to Revan, whose hand was still on his arm. They both then looked at Carth, whose face was tight with anger, "Well don't let me stop you," he said as he nodded towards the door. He stood as a statue and they both took the cue to leave. Atton realized then that he must've known something was up. This thought then led to where Natalya first heard the rumors, she probably didn't figure it out on her own. He closed his eyes as he remembered the times that Mical had walked in at the most inopportune moments.

"What was that about?" Revan asked him as they reached the main section of the module.

He finally focused his attention on her, "What the hell, Rev?"

Her eyebrows shot up, "What?"

"Did you have to ask if you could_ steal_ me? You couldn't have possibly thought of a different way to phrase that?"

"You'll have to explain yourself a bit better than that," she said with a hint of annoyance.

He tilted his head back before regarding her fully, stopping in the middle of the module, "Natalya suspects that you and I...that we've been more intimate than we're letting on."

A sly smile spread across her face, "Well then I guess that_ was_ the wrong thing to say," she said with a laugh.

His eyebrows drew together in confusion, "This is serious."

"Is it?" She said, the laughter not missing from her voice, "Come on, Atton. You know where you stand, why should you have to worry?"

"I just—I don't...I'm just worried that—" his broken words were interrupted as she tilted her face up and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He looked down at her with wide eyes as she pulled away.

"See? It doesn't matter, Atton. I could kiss you and everyone would think we were together, but hell if Carth kissed you no one would think anything of it. Well I'm sure they'd probably think _something_, but what does it matter? No matter what anyone has seen or will see, only you know how you really feel. I don't think you have any reason to worry."

She began to walk again and he watched her for a few seemingly endless moments before jogging to catch up with her.

"I think I'm a bit lost," he said after a few minutes of walking in quiet.

"Do I have to kiss you again?"

"No. Nope. No, but I don't know what to do," he said as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. He had taken to wearing his ribbed jacked again now that he was out of the medbay.

"So what exactly is your problem? Are you worried that Natalya thinks there's something going on between us? Do you think there's something going on between us?"

He clicked his teeth together as he thought, barely paying attention to where they were going, "I just don't know how to handle this. I'm worried that she won't trust me again, or that she should."

He caught her glance from the corner of her eye, "You should talk to her, man. Tell her exactly how you feel, it'll bring you the clarity you're seeking from me. I don't think I'm the right person to help you right now."

"But I can't talk to her like this."

"Why?" She said, stopping and facing him, "You're being honest right now, does this feel impossible?"

He searched her eyes, wondering what kind of game she was playing, "No. But I can feel it...she's on the fence about me. I know she wants to trust me, but I don't think she can wholly allow herself to."

"Should she?"

He let himself smile, though it was grim, "No one should."

Her face turned sad for a moment as she took both of his hands, intertwining her fingers with his and giving them a reassuring squeeze. He let his eyes close as she spoke, "You're better than you think, Jaq."

He let out a bitter laugh, "Thanks, _Lord_ Revan."

She let go of his hands and they continued walking. Atton didn't even recognize the module they were in at that point. Her sharp elbow gently nudged him in the side, "Like I said earlier, I'm sorry about everything that happened on Garik's ship."

"It's fine," he brushed her off quickly, though a thought lingered in his mind, "But don't think that I forgot how you said goodbye."

He watched as her face changed. Her light, peaceful features soon turned dark and perhaps shameful, "I meant what I said, Atton. I'm sorry about everything."

He mumbled a reply as he realized they had looped around to their sector of the Station. He recognized the medbay and soon knew where they were heading. They entered the apartment complex and before he was ready they were at his and Natalya's door.

"Goodnight, Atton," she said with a smile.

"Goodnight, Revan."

He turned to open the door but she interrupted him, "Atton?"

"Yes?"

"You'll figure everything out, I promise," she said as she reached towards him and gave his hand one last reassuring squeeze.

He nodded as he turned to the door, looking over his shoulder to give her one last look goodbye. Her blue eyes gave him an encouraging smile before she nodded and turned towards the direction of her own apartment.

He slipped in quietly, just in case Natalya was asleep. The lights were on, however, but she was laying in their bed. She looked up at him as he walked in and shrugged his jacket off.

"Oh, I was just about to—" she said, gesturing towards the lights.

One corner of his lip turned up in a half smile, "Go for it."

The lights flickered off, but he didn't join her in bed. Instead he found himself settled into the window seat across from her. They mumbled their goodnights, and he could sense her confusion. But he needed time to think. A small shiver ran through his nearly bare body as he drew his knees to his body, looking out at the blackness of space around them, the nearby modules alight with the busy nightlife that swelled in the station.

There was no way he was sleeping tonight.


	28. Chapter 28

_Practice swords met with a surprising amount of force. For best friends they sure liked to inflict each other with an exorbitant amount of pain. Competitive, rough, and passionate, this was Revan and Malak._

_Even at such a young age, even when they were in the Order, they had always pushed the limits. As far as they could go, they pushed for more knowledge, strength, and soon power. But on the brink of knighthood they sparred, clashing the dull blades against each other, pushing each other to their limits while the Code hung uselessly in the backs of their minds._

_His strength ultimately won out, dropping his sword and slamming her against the wall. She lost her breath for a moment until she looked up at the proximity of their faces. Despite being so much taller than her, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. It wasn't their first time, no they had realized that there was something more between them quite some time ago._

_But this was the first time that such an act had so much heat behind it, the passion rising between them as she intensified the kiss. His hands went immediately to her waist, clutching her while using the size of his body to keep her pressed against the wall. They knew each other, this was the only kind of love that they could respond to, that they needed._

_Her hands slipped under his robes, aching to meet his bare chest. He responded by picking her up, her long legs wrapping around his middle. His hands found themselves at the end of her braid, pulling it out as quickly as he could._

_"Revan!"_

_They both stopped immediately, as if they had forgotten that they were in such a public area. They realized how lucky they were as they turned and realized that it was only Natalya who had seen them in such a situation. The hurt, however, was not missing from her eyes as she regarded them fully before leaving in a haste._

_Revan dropped herself from Malak's clutches and left in the direction that Natalya had come, leaving an air of passion and hurt in her wake._

Atton's eyes slid open, knowing that he had fallen asleep and knowing that Revan's mind must have touched his. There was no way he could naturally have a dream like that. Force, he had an idea that there was something more between them, everyone did, but to_ see_ it. Well...that was different.

His eyes scanned the room and he realized he was still at the window seat. His neck was bent at an odd angle, his forehead pressed coldly against the glass, and his shoulders ached from being scrunched up in the corner. He stood and stretched his muscles, hoping for some relief from the pain. A quick glance at the bed was enough to tell that Natalya was still asleep. Another glance at the chrono and he realized that it was still very early in the morning. He grabbed his jacket and left the apartment, knowing that _she_ had to be awake.

A short walk through the Entertainment module was all he needed before he spotted her. She sat on one of the benches, looking out into the darkness beyond the Station. Her hair was loose and she held her robe tightly around her body, Atton could see the sadness in her eyes as they remained steady on whatever captured her attention.

He tried not to startle her as he sat down on the bench next to her. He figured she must have sensed his presence, as she did not even look at him before speaking.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," she spoke, her eyes unmoving.

He smirked slightly, "It's been a while."

She only nodded, her face still cold. Atton contemplated comforting her or doing anything other than sit in silence, but he wasn't sure how helpful that would be at the moment, and gods forbid Natalya or Mical find them in such a situation.

"So...uh how did everything work out after that?," he tried to sound casual but it fell flat. It succeeded, however, in capturing her attention. She turned her head towards him, fully regarding his features as she looked at him with a wince.

"Nothing worked out. Nothing ever works out for me, Atton. I would have thought that you'd notice by now."

"Well I didn't want to say anything..." he said with a smile, her mask cracked for a moment as the corner of her lip rose slightly.

"Atton Rand, what am I going to do with you?" She said as her smile increased slightly.

His smile faded a little and he sighed, "I don't know, but I'm sure you don't want me in your head. I know I sure as hell don't want you in mine." His voice was light, but both knew the seriousness and the pain that they both carried. Pain that was meant only for them, to be shared with the other was an unnerving process.

She pressed her lips together and turned her head away as she lost herself in thought.

"I think we have to tell Natalya," he finally said in a quiet voice.

Her head turned quickly, "What?" she asked incredulously.

His eyes widened a bit, "We should tell her we're sharing dreams...maybe that'll make her less suspicious as to why we're so close. I mean it's not like anything's wrong with that..."

"Just...don't tell her about last night's dream," she said with a pained expression.

"Why?"

Revan bit her lip and looked away, "There's just a lot more that happened after that. It took us a long time to get over it and I don't want to go down that road again."

Though Atton usually wasn't one to pry about the past, he figured that this affected him and so he asked, "What happened?"

"Malak was...a good guy. Likeable, as hard as that might be to believe—"

"It is, but go on."

She nudged him with her elbow, "I swear, he was! Anyways, I can't remember a time that he wasn't in my life, we were always really close—"

"Yeah,_ close_," he said suggestively.

"Shut up, Rand. Do you want me to continue or not?" She said not maliciously.

"Sorry, go on."

"Okay, _anyways_...we met Natalya sometime into our early teens, and we all got along great. The thing was, she had an affinity for bonds, you know that. I could sense from our bond that she was starting to feel...different about Malak. Then one day she came up to me and confided that she felt guilty about having feelings for him. She knew it was against the code, but wanted..him."

He winced slightly as she continued, "She used to be different...she was so happy when she was with him, but when we were alone she used to complain about to Code and how she couldn't bring herself to break it."

"Somehow I can't picture that..."

"No, and sometimes neither can I. She's changed so much, grown up so much. I guess that's what war and exile does to you...most of the time I miss how carefree she used to be."

He only nodded, gaining a new understanding about where she was coming from. Revan paused in thought but he looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue.

"Right," she said, "So of course I grew very tired of this constant back and forth of her feelings. I didn't entirely realize it then, well maybe I did, but now I know that what made me so angry was that I thought Malak was_ mine_. Not as in I own him, but we were closer than him and Natalya, and I was with him for longer. I thought that if anyone should be with him it should be me, and I wasn't about to back down because of the Code.

"That's always been the difference between Natalya and I. Where she needs to stop and analyze, I act. I go for it. And that's what's brought me the greatest difficulties and challenges in life. If only I hadn't acted so quickly to join the Mandalorian Wars, maybe everything would be different. Malak would be alive, at least. If only I hadn't loved him in the face of Natalya, we wouldn't have such a strained relationship."

She paused for a moment and sighed, "I think part of the reason I dreamt that last night is because of you. She thinks I'm stealing you away from her just as I stole Malak. What she doesn't realize is that once again, I had you first."

"Had me first..." he echoed. He tore his gaze from hers as he mulled it over. She had a point, whether or not he knew her on a personal level, he met Revan way before he ever met Natalya. A small smile came upon him as he remembered the way that he met Natalya. And in that memory he realized that he still had no idea what he was doing with either of these women.

"I still think we should tell her," he said at last.

She nodded, "I agree."

They sat in the still silence of the early morning, not wanting to leave the precious peace of the morning stillness. Not stirring until the rest of the Station began to hum with life.

He surprised himself by taking her hand as they walked back to his and Natalya's apartment. He meant it as a comfort to Revan, but it felt completely different, though he couldn't just let go now. She gave him a sheepish smile as he made eye contact with her, but gave his hand a firm squeeze in response.

They walked in the gentle quiet, though not uncomfortable. Atton only hoped that he wasn't making her uncomfortable or if his hands were too sweaty. It had been a long time since he worried about impressing a woman. With Natalya it had come so easily and she was so kind and simple about everything she did. Revan was complicated, and he worried that he was even considering what she thought about him. He knew he was starting to dig himself in a hole, and it was starting to swallow him up.

She must have sensed his anxiety and released her grip on his hand, stopping and turning to face him. "Hey," she said quietly, "You don't have to worry about anything. I know where you stand, and I know what I said earlier but I don't want to come between you two."

He could only nod, feeling strangely disappointed. Did he want her to come between them? She squinted through her right eye as she looked up at him but nodded as well and continued on to their destination.

Atton let them both into the apartment. A few steps in, he realized that Natalya wasn't home. He looked to Revan, who was standing awkwardly in the kitchen area.

"I guess we should wait," he said as he entered the bedroom. He threw his jacket onto the bed, noticing that Natalya made it, which was a first. He smiled at the gesture and reached for his jacket, opting to hang it up instead of contributing to the usual mess.

"You guys have a window seat?" He turned to see Revan in the doorway, looking at the window seat with a smile on her face. She turned to him.

"Uh yeah, you can try it out if you want, though it's not too comfortable to sleep on."

"You've slept on it?" She asked with a smile as she settled herself down onto it.

He half laughed, "No, of course not."

She gave him a knowing look as the door to the apartment opened. They shared a quick glance before he left the bedroom, greeting Natalya with a strange enthusiasm. She looked up at him with a smile, "I was just looking for you."

"Sorry about that," he said as he absentmindedly ran his fingers along where his hair met his neck, "I meant to let you know where I was going but it..it was early."

"Oh?" She said, though not suspiciously.

He sighed, he was making this more awkward than it should've been, "I had to talk to Revan, and we..well we have to tell you something."

Natalya's attention was caught by the figure moving behind him. He turned to see Revan cautiously entering the room. He looked back to Natalya, whose eyebrows were raised in confusion as she looked between the two of them.

Her voice came out in a hoarse whisper, "Are you sure you want to tell me?"

"Yes," said the voice behind him, he looked at Revan as she closed the small distance between them, taking his elbow between her hands, "We're actually eloping and wanted you to be our witness."

Atton shook her off immediately, watching Natalya carefully until she realized it was a joke. Revan was laughing the whole time. Natalya let out a disheartened laugh to accompany her as Revan went over and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, "Force Nat, lighten up. These rumors are ridiculous, as if I'd ever have feelings for_ that_," she said, gesturing to Atton, "No offense."

He shrugged his shoulder, "None taken," he said with a wink. He knew he was trying to keep things light, but everything felt a little unnatural and he just wanted to get out of there. Natalya nodded, and Atton knew that she forced her laughter. He could see the pain, and swore he heard the truth in Revan's words.

He shook off these thoughts as Natalya's face grew serious, "So what did you want to tell me?"


	29. Chapter 29

"What do you mean sharing dreams? Like a bond?" Natalya asked, letting their words sink in. She didn't know what to think after what Revan just pulled, and the look on Atton's face offered no comfort.

Revan shook her head, "That's what I thought at first, but no..not compared to what Bastila and I shared."

"It hasn't been happening for long, but it's something we both feel we need to stop," Atton said calmly, though she could tell he was nervous. And Atton Rand was never nervous.

She sighed as she looked between the two of them, knowing all this wouldn't last for much longer, "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"That's my fault, "Revan softly said, "He knew I didn't tell you how much I remembered from my past, and didn't want to break my trust. The truth is Natalya, I'm beginning to remember everything. And these dreams are a...dark reminder of that."

Natalya could only nod as she listened to them further explain their situation. It did provide a small comfort to her that maybe this was the only thing they were hiding, and maybe everything would work out after all.

But probably not.

And why wouldn't Revan tell her that she remembered her past? What did she gain from that? She raked her mind for an answer but couldn't find any, and was disheartened when she realized that she couldn't simply ask her. No, things were different between them now. They hadn't had an easy friendship for a long time, and now things were as stressed as ever.  
For what reason?

Natalya didn't know, and she wasn't sure she ever would. Perhaps it was only Atton, perhaps it was more, but it didn't make things any easier.

"To be honest," she broke in after she shook off her thoughts, "I don't know how to stop something like this. I can break bonds, but this doesn't sound like it has to do with that. I think Mical would know more than I do."

Atton made a face, "Do you really think he could help?"

"The man is a historian, he's studied the Jedi teachings for longer than Revan or I have spent in the Jedi Order. I think out of anyone we know, he'd be able to help. The real question is whether or not he'd be willing," Natalya said with a brief smile.

Revan smirked, "I'm sure if _you_ asked nicely..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She said with a hint of humor.

"Oh come on, Nat, he practically worships you. He'd do anything for you," Revan said, though there was still a touch of laughter in her voice. Natalya smiled at the thought, but had to focus on keeping it steady as she noticed Atton was unaffected by the comment. Did she want him to be jealous? He always _had_ been, but now he just listened and watched closely. It was unnerving.

"Well we should go talk to him," he offered, gesturing to the door.

Natalya nodded as Revan and Atton moved towards the door, "Oh wait...no we can't," she spoke quickly to stop them from leaving.

They both looked at her with question in their eyes, and at that moment she felt as though she was the third wheel. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, it happened frequently between her, Revan, and Malak. She didn't even want to think about how that ended. But looking at the two of them she had to stop and think about what she was going to say. The look on both of their faces perfectly mirrored, she couldn't help but picture them together.

Focusing, she remembered why they were looking at her again, "Mical left last night."

Revan face turned incredulous, "Since when? He didn't say goodbye."

"No, it wasn't anything planned. He left for Dantooine, the new Council is gathering soon. I know he's not on it yet, I don't think he was ready for it, but they invited him and I think he's coming to terms with his place in the Jedi," Natalya explained.

Atton ran a hand through his hair, and she noticed how long it was getting. The front wisps were starting to cover his eye and she watched as he pushed them out of the way. She tried not to remember the soft groan he would make as she ran her hands through his hair. She couldn't even remember the last time they kissed. There was no way that this whole dream thing was the only thing going on between him and Revan. It couldn't be.

"Well I've been meaning to see the new Council soon, anyways," Revan spoke easily, "I wouldn't mind a trip to Dantooine."

Atton sucked in his cheeks for a moment, "I guess I wouldn't either. If they can help, then I guess I'm your pilot."

Revan smiled, and then turned to her, "Did you want to go, Nat?"

Something about the way she spoke sent a shock of anger through her stomach. The way Revan had naturally assumed that Natalya wasn't going in the first place, and then the look on her face now just made her want to run. She had been through this before, and she didn't know if she could do it again.

But looking at Atton, she knew she couldn't give up. The scoundrel had made her happier than anyone, and even though at the moment she was miserable, he was the only one who could lift her out of this hole she had found herself in. Or maybe her perspective had been skewed, maybe now that things were settling down she was realizing that things were never as she thought they were.

"Yes," she said at last, trying to keep her composure together, "I haven't seen the Enclave since it was...rebuilt." The dark memories flooded in, and soon she found herself alone. Atton offered to pack for both of them, and Revan had left for her own apartment. She couldn't stand another second in that room, or the thought of being alone with Atton, and so she set off into the Station.

She hoped that a walk would clear her mind, would help her focus enough to realize what she was doing, what she was going to do about all this. She just wanted to stop seeing them...together. She didn't want to look at them and see what could be, what she was getting in the way of. Even if there was nothing between Atton and Revan, she couldn't stop herself from picturing them together. And it was so, so frustrating.

She wondered why he was still with her. What was he holding on to? What was she holding on to? Something still had to be there, something that made both of them stay together. She just wanted to be with him as it used to be, she didn't know where she went wrong.

Did Revan have more to offer him? She had denied it for so long, but she knew that they shared more, they had known each other in their darkness and in their light. But that didn't take away from what her and Atton shared. That couldn't make him forget everything he had told her, his gentle words through the night as he held her close. They were all they had, and together they fought against the Sith, for her life and soon his.

She knew she wasn't his first, no not even close. It made her wonder though, how many other women had he taken to his bed? How many had he told he loved as he brushed the stray hairs out of their eyes? But no matter how hard she tried, no matter how much she wanted to believe that she was just another notch in his belt, she knew that wasn't who he was. He wasn't the type to tell a woman he loved them, no he'd rather bolt out the window before they could even remember the outline of his face.

She was different, she was special, and now she felt she wasn't. His attention had been drawn away from her and she was left helpless, wondering what he felt for her now. And she hated herself for wanting him, for needing him, for longing for his touch after so long.

She heard a voice behind her, calling her name. She turned and smiled when she realized Carth was half-jogging to catch up with her.

"Hey," she said softly. She was glad for his company, never feeling as though she needed to pretend around him. He knew her sadness.

He offered to talk to her, guiding her to a quiet section of the module, leading her to a bench by the window. As she looked out at the darkness of space beyond them, she realized that this was what she needed.

"We're going to Dantooine, you know," she said as she looked back down to her fingers, resting gently in the palm of her other hand.

He looked at her intently, unnerving her slightly, "Oh? What for?"

She debriefed him on the situation, careful to judge his reaction as she told him about how Revan and Atton were sharing dreams.

He gave her a sympathetic smile, and then half laughed under his breath, "You know," he said quietly, "They say that the loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly."

She furrowed her eyebrows as she turned her head away, she didn't want to hear this.

"I waited for almost five years for Revan," he continued, "And when she came back she broke my heart. I cursed every day that I waited, that I could've spent living my life. I know Atton's still with you, but I don't want you to go through the same thing I did. It must be that much harder to wait for someone you still see everyday."

She brought up a hand to trace her eye under her brow, "I can't just leave him."

"I didn't say you should. I just want you to protect yourself, I know the pain that you're going through and I don't want my fate to become yours."

She looked up at his big brown eyes, realizing that there was so much about him that she didn't know, "Your fate isn't over Carth. I'm sure there's someone out there for you, it just isn't Revan."

He sighed before smiling at her, "A man knows when he's suffered too much heartache. There was a moment when I realized that maybe the right woman for me has slipped through my fingers. I didn't think I was enough for her and she was too distracted to notice. She left me behind, and I don't think she realized how much she changed my view on life," he paused for a moment, "I can be happy now, knowing that I have the Republic and my son. I think as you grow older you realize what's most important to you. I know you'll work this out Nat."

She blinked back tears as he spoke, "I hope you're right, Carth. But this woman...is it me?'

He looked away immediately, turning his attention to the ground below them. She watched him intently before he gently nodded.

The tears fell freely and he looked back at her, laughing gently as she wiped them away. "I'm so sorry," she said in a quiet voice.

He shook his head, "Don't be. Like I said, I've made my peace. I don't think I'm meant for love in the traditional sense. I just want you to realize how wonderful and how sweet you are. You deserve so much more than all of this. You deserve to be happy, and that's all I want from you."

She closed her eyes before placing her hands over them, trying to stop the tears from falling. He placed a light hand on her shoulder, "I have a feeling you'll find your peace on Dantooine, and if you ever need anything, I'll be here. I promise."

His gentle touch was gone and she looked over in time to watch him leave. She stood numbly, walking in the direction of her and Atton's apartment. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. She shouldn't have cried at all, let alone in public. Her heart broke for Carth, and she wished that she could be the woman for him. But she knew, somewhere deep inside, that maybe they did have the same fate. Perhaps she would be alone after all.

All this depended on a single man. A scoundrel. A Jedi. But so much more to her. She didn't want to be alone, she didn't want to end up like Carth, but she couldn't force Atton to feel the same. At this point all she could do was hope, and maybe even trust that Atton was hers and she was his. Then maybe everything would work out after all.


	30. Chapter 30

Maybe they realized how much pressure they were putting on themselves, or maybe it was just leaving Citadel Station, but the mood on the _Ebon Hawk_ was significantly lighter once they hit hyperspeed. Atton had worried about whether or not the women would be able to maintain a positive atmosphere, but so far everything was okay.

He heard footsteps approach him from behind the pilot's seat. He turned his head to see Natalya join him, sitting in the copilot's seat. He thought of the last time they were like this, before anything on Telos had happened. He thought things were complicated then, he didn't even want to think about what was really going on now. But as he made contact with those green eyes, he cast all of that aside.

"How're you feeling?" She asked, her eyes as kind as he had seen in days.

"Better," he said, stretching his arms before him. The scars were mostly healed, leaving only thin white lines in their wake, "A lot better, actually."

She hesitated a moment, "That's good."

He squinted his right eye as he thought of something to say, "Are you, uh, are you okay? I mean I know things have been rough lately..."

She smiled, "They have, haven't they?" Her smile faded as she looked down at her lap. "What's going on, Atton?"

Her words rang listlessly through his mind, and instead of answering her question he turned to to her, a smile growing on his face, "Do you remember when we first came to Dantooine."

"Of course."

"It was the first time I ever really considered the fact that I wanted something more with you. I was still pretty frazzled from Nar Shaddaa, and I don't know...the calm of the planet, the plains...you, everything I guess. It brought me the peace I needed, and it wasn't until then that I could see, that I realized I loved you."

Her eyes met his as he spoke, and he could see her features soften with his words, "I remember," she nearly whispered.

"Dantooine changed my life...you changed my life," he said quietly, realizing that just because his life had changed didn't mean that he was supposed to stay the same. The whole point of change was to continue, to grow. He had tried so hard to remain the same, but by doing that he knew he was avoiding whatever was coming next in his life.

"I don't think I did, Atton," she said as she drew her knees to her chest, "It was always the Force, I just represented it for you."

He mulled it over as he turned his attention away, "That doesn't change the way I felt about you."

"Felt?"

He closed his eyes for a moment in realization. He turned to her with a ghost of a smile, "Felt...feel? Does it matter?"

She half laughed, "Does anything really matter at this point?"

It broke his heart to see her like this, the emptiness of her eyes, the bitter smile on her lips, even the way she sat broke him inside. She was always so positive, so uplifting to be around. A lifetime of hardships hadn't been enough to bring her down, and yet as all of their adventures came to an end, and possibly their relationship, everything she radiated had seemingly shattered.

"Come here," he said, standing up. She snapped out of whatever dark trail of thought she followed and looked up at him with raised eyebrows.

"Come on," he repeated, reaching for her hand. He helped her up, wrapping his arms around her tightly. He could hear the small exhale of breath she let out as he tightened his hold. He needed this, needed her at this moment. He held her for everything they had once stood for, for what he once believed in, and for the three words he knew he couldn't say to her at the moment. He held her for everything he had lost in this life and for everything he gained. In one embrace he let out everything he had been holding in, and though it wasn't in words, he finally felt some sort of peace coming over him.

He didn't know how she felt or how she interpreted the hug, but he was glad he did it. He let go of her, looking down into her eyes with a smile. She looked a little confused, but her expression had lightened considerably.

"Hey, I picked up something before we left," he said, moving away from her and reaching over the pilot's seat. In his hands was a rather large bottle of Corellian ale, and he turned to her with raised eyebrows.

She laughed a genuine laugh for what seemed like the first time in months, "What about the ship?"

"We'll get T3 to watch the console. We have plenty of time."

She let out a defeated sigh, "Should we invite Revan?"

"Only if you want to."

She mulled it over for a moment before hesitantly nodding, "We should."

He smiled, "Then let's go."

Atton had figured they would all need this at some point on their way to Dantooine, and at the moment he was glad he brought it. Together they meandered towards the main hold where Revan was scrolling mindlessly through a datapad. She looked up at them with question before noticing the bottle in his hands.

"Yes," was all she said with a smile.

Atton was surprised to hear Natalya laugh, but didn't question it. Instead he sat down next to Revan, and she joined him on the other side. He was about to open the bottle, and he looked down at it was a certain suspicion.

He then looked between both women, turning the bottle mindlessly in his hands, "Do you ever stop and think about how crazy this all is?"

"No, but go on," Revan said with an amused expression.

He squinted his eyes at her, "No really, I mean, look at us. Everything—who we are, what we've done. I mean I was just a kid on Alderaan who dreamed of being a pilot, and look where I ended up. I'm sure you two just wanted to be Jedi, who knew that you'd change the course of history."

"Well I think we all knew I would," Revan said, earning glares from the two on either side of her, "I'm kidding! No, I get what you're saying. But it won't last forever, some other group of people are going to come along and change everything again. We'll just be history some day."

Natalya frowned, "I never thought of it like that, I mean this has just been my life. During my exile I considered myself a normal person, but the second I woke up on Peragus I knew I was going to be thrown back into the thick of it."

"Yeah, so did I," Atton said with a smile, "You could see the destiny surrounding you."

"I couldn't have done anything though without you, or anyone else for that matter. The Force amazes me, how it brought together such a group of people. You too, Revan. Who would we be without all of our companions? How would the galaxy look if even one thing were different?"

"You two are too philosophical for me," Revan said, reaching for the bottle in Atton's hand, "I'm just accepting our place in the universe. I think I was 'normal' for what, six months? The moment Malak told me I was Revan I knew everything changed, and from that point I've never just been a simple person. Even growing up, I knew I was meant for more than just being a Jedi. What did Jolee say about Vex?" She questioned as she opened the bottle and took a long sip, "The Force swirled around him like a hurricane. Some are meant for greater purposes, so no, I'm not surprised that we're here, together. Because if it wasn't us it would be someone else. The Force wouldn't let the galaxy fall to ruin at the hands of the Sith."

"You really believe that?" Atton asked, taking the bottle from her.

She laughed, "No...well maybe. I don't think the Sith could last forever, something will always balance the darkness. Just as the Republic and the Jedi will never keep the galaxy in a state of peace. Garik and I talked about this, no one can 'win'. We're all just under the will of the Force."

Natalya tucked a stray hair behind her ear, "So does anything we do really matter? I mean if the Force will always keep things balanced, why do we have to put our lives on the line to keep things the way they are? I mean if the darkness or the Sith will always come back, why do we keep fighting?"

Revan stared at her for a long moment, "You know what I think? I think at some point things won't be like they are today. I think there will be periods of darkness, and periods of light. But they need this—right now, to look back on. We're creating history, we're serving those in the future, those who will need our mistakes and our accomplishments to push forward. Just as we've learned from Exar Kun and Qel-Droma, people will learn from Malak and I, or you and your million apprentices. Maybe they'll need us, and maybe I'm wrong. Who knows. All we can do is follow our own destinies."

Atton made a face, "Now you're too philosophical. Force, I was just making a point about how crazy it is that we'll make the history books. Some, more than others," he mock glared at Revan, "But at least you _kinda_ made up for the fact that you were a Sith Lord."

"Gee, I'm glad," she said as she reached for the bottle, needing to take it forcefully from his strong grip, "You know, even though I remember it, it doesn't feel like that was actually me. It feels like I was a completely different person then. You should know how that feels, Jaq."

She passed the bottle back to him, and this time he took a long, deliberate drink. "Jaq's never too far away," he said with a certain bitterness, "I can't change what I've done, and I don't think any amount of forgiveness or atonement will ever allow me to move on. You should know how that feels, Revan."

She grinned bitterly, "All too well." She took the bottle back, and then as if suddenly realizing that Natalya was there, she pointed it at her. Atton noticed then that the bottle was nearly three quarters of the way gone and Natalya had hardly had a sip. He didn't think she had any at all, actually. He felt immediately bad, because it was originally meant for the two of them.

"No thanks," she said quietly, looking down at it, "I'm too tired anyways, I think I'm going to retire for the night."

Revan looked a little sheepish, but Atton stood along with Natalya, "That's fine," he said, "Can I walk you to the dorm?"

She smiled at him with a hint of amusement, "Of course."

He extended his arm to her and she took it by the elbow, following him to the portside dormitory.

"You do realize Revan is probably downing the rest of the alcohol at the moment, right?" She said with a short laugh.

He smiled softly, "Yeah, you're probably right. I'll go wrangle her after I say goodnight."

"Wrangle her?"

He made a face, "You know what I mean."

She laughed with a hint of disbelief, "Yeah, okay Atton." Her green eyes turned up to his, and for a moment she leaned in slightly. He didn't know if it was the alcohol or not, but he leaned a little closer. Her head tilted upwards and for a moment he thought she was going to kiss him, but she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Holding him tight for a moment, she pulled back and gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight, Atton," she said quietly.

He nodded, "Goodnight, Nat."

He turned away and walked back to the main hold with a certain smile on his face. He looked down, however, to see Revan laying across the seats, bottle held respectively against her chest.

"Did I ever tell you how much I hate this ship?" She asked as he drew closer.

He laughed, "You love it. Just as I do."

"I know."

He reached down to grab the bottle, trying not to think about how the back of his fingers brushed against her breast. He lifted it up, swirling it around to make sure she had indeed, drank the last of it. She turned her head to face him, "Do you love me?" She asked.

He was certain that disbelief shadowed his face as he looked down at her, "You're drunk," he said, reaching a hand to help her up.

"I know."

"So you probably shouldn't be talking too much right now," he spoke slowly as he shook his hand in front of her, hoping she would realize that he was trying to help her up.

"Kiss me," she said with a simple certainty that shook him deep inside.

"You should go to bed," he said quietly, not making any eye contact. She took his hand and stood next to him, needing to hold on to him to keep her balance. He sucked in his breath and led her to the starboard dorms. She climbed into the bunk without a word, and he looked away as she began to take off her outer robe.

He mumbled some sort of goodnight before he bolted out of there, looking for some consolation in the cockpit. Just when he thought that he maybe had things figured out, it always came back to bite him. He sighed as he dismissed T3 and took his seat behind the console, running his hands along the controls. He tried not to think about Revan, or Natalya for that matter, but Revan...she had never given him a reason to think that she thought about him...differently.

He had always assumed that she was rooting for him and Natalya to stay together, and she had never done anything to make him question that. Until now. He shook off these thoughts, chalking them up to the amount of alcohol in his system. He didn't want to think about anything, and so he sought solace behind closed eyes and the familiar shape of the pilot's seat. At least they would be in Dantooine by tomorrow night.


	31. Chapter 31

Natalya awoke with a slight hesitation. She knew that this day wouldn't be like the others, it held the promise of answers. Her eyes scanned the outline of the _Ebon Hawk_ as she remained in her bunk, too quiet and warm for her to leave just yet. Her laziness was uncharacteristic, but she figured she'd enjoy the peace while she could. Besides, Atton and Revan were probably sporting hangovers and wouldn't be up for a while yet.

She lay in her bunk until her limbs grew antsy and her mind too awake to remain any longer in a state of rest. She reached up and stretched out her arms, prepared for whatever she may face that day. Hopefully. The floor felt too cold against her bare feet, and she regretted getting out of bed in the first place. She looked around for her boots, but gave up once she realized she was getting nowhere.

She padded quietly into the main hold, hoping that since they were asleep she could eat and meditate in the quiet of the the darkness of space ruined any sign of the morning, the stars were nothing compared to the early morning sun, which was her favorite throughout her life. There was something about the hazy glow, especially on Dantooine. She was happy to be going back, no matter the circumstances. She thought of all the times she would wake up early during her Padawan days. She could still remember the dampness of the dew on the grass, filling her mind with the sweet sense of blissful peace that could only be found on such a planet.

Her heart beat a little faster at the thought. Maybe if Atton was willing to stay with her, they could settle down there. If they were done with all of this, all the adventures, the drama, they could live a peaceful, quiet life on the plains of Dantooine. They wouldn't be far from the Order, and they would truly be able to live. She could wake up early and walk the grassy dunes, she could lose herself in the blba trees. She figured that either way she was going to stay on Dantooine. It suited her.

Her thoughts were broken by a slight shuffling from her left. She lifted her head to see Revan standing in the opening to the portside dormitory. She gave Natalya a small smile before entering and sitting next to her. Natalya offered her some of her food, but Revan kindly shook her head no, opting for a cup of caffa instead.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, though the look on Revan's face was enough to know.

She took a long, long sip of caffa before turning her head towards Natalya, "Fantastic."

Natalya gave her a sympathetic smile while she nodded her head, "Hey well, if it makes you feel any better, Atton probably feels the same."

"That doesn't make me feel any better at all, actually," Revan said with her usual bluntness, "I don't want him to feel badly."

Natalya nodded quickly, "That's not what I meant," she said quietly. Even with Malak, Natalya had never felt this disconnected from the woman next to her. She pursed her lips as a slightly awkward moment of silence passed. Natalya watched Revan in earnest, trying to figure her out. She watched as she brought the caffa to her full lips, wondering when her friend had become so haggard. Her eyes were tired, and her body was so thin, she wondered to herself when was the last time she ate. She couldn't even remember. If the woman was living off of alcohol and caffa that would explain a lot.

She knew it wasn't true, but the thought provided some sort of comfort to Natalya. There had to be something wrong with Revan, because if there wasn't she couldn't see what she offered that Revan didn't already have. Revan made eye contact with her, and the look in her eyes was enough to know that Revan knew a lot more than she was letting on.

Natalya swallowed with difficulty before she spoke, "I think the last time we were on Dantooine together was before the wars."

The words seemed to go through Revan as though she never heard them, she stared intently into her cup of caffa before turning towards her, "Natalya, what do you really want to say to me?"

"What do you mean?"

Revan tilted her head with disbelief, "Can we give up this game? We can't keep this going, and I'd really like to know what's going through your mind."

She could hear her heart pounding in her ears, louder than the words that she spoke, "I don't understand why we're going through this again."

"Again?"

It was Natalya's turn to give her a look of disbelief, "Malak."

Revan's eyes narrowed as she turned her full attention to Natalya, "I loved him."

"And you love Atton, don't you?"

Natalya could've sworn Revan's face turned completely white. All the color seemed to drain from her face, though her features remained steady. She looked to Natalya thoughtfully before answering, "That's different."

She sighed with an air of impatience and anger, "What do you mean, different?"

"You weren't_ with_ Malak. It's not my fault that we both loved him, and it's not my fault that he felt the same about me. This is different because you're with Atton now, and he doesn't love me. I'm not saying I love him...because it's too complicated. But you don't know what we've been through together, both now and during the wars."

Natalya begged herself not to cry. Tears were a weakness, and the last stronghold she had left inside. If she cried now, everything would come tumbling out. She couldn't do that, no matter how much Revan's words made her want to crawl back to her bunk and console herself.

"Nat, I don't want to upset you, or hurt you. As much as you think I do, and as much as I have, I will always care about you, and you're my last tie to my childhood. You should know I don't want Atton to come between us the way Malak did. I'll back off once we figure everything out on Dantooine, I promise."

If anything, these words only broke her more. She could see the hurt in her eyes, and she as much as she disliked Revan at times, she was right. She was the only person who knew her before everything, who understood exactly where she was coming from. She didn't want to hurt Revan either, but was grateful for her backing down.

"Thanks, Rev," she said with a sad smile.

Revan nodded slowly, "Don't worry about it. I have a bad history with guys, anyways. You know, killing Malak and breaking Carth's heart. It's probably what's best."

"Don't say that," Natalya said quietly, "You did what you had to."

Revan looked up and tilted her head back, her lips parting slightly, and for a second Natalya considered that she was trying not to cry, "You're right. Besides, it's better to feel pain than nothing at all."

Natalya nodded distantly, wondering if it were really true. She reached a hand out and placed it on her shoulder, Revan turned her attention to her and smiled gently.

"I said don't worry about it, I'll be fine. I have been and I always will be. I just...sometimes I just want to stop it all, to slow everything down. I've had such an important role for almost my entire life, and I...need a break. I haven't stopped in years. I think that killing Garik was the nail on that coffin. It made me realize the brutality of managing the universe, and it gave me a lot to think about. I don't think I want to do it anymore."

Natalya quirked her lips to the side, "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I wish I could just stop and live for myself, to find some peace in the domestic life that others have found, that I'm sure you'll find with Atton. I just don't think I'll be able to. I was born to fight, to go out there and protect the Republic, and I guess it's what I'll continue to do. I'll probably go back to the Outer Rim, go back into the Unknown and find some answers. I don't know, Nat."

"I can't come with you this time," Natalya said quietly, knowing she was speaking the truth. Revan wouldn't be able to stay in one spot for long, before she felt the need to go back out there. Still, Natalya felt for her, though a secret place in her heart was glad she wasn't sticking around. She immediately felt guilty for that thought, but it was the truth.

"I know, and I wouldn't have you come," she said with a soft smile, "I don't think Atton would, either."

"No, I wouldn't." Both women looked up to see Atton entering the main hold from the cockpit.

He sat down before them, "You're leaving?" he asked of Revan.

She nodded, "Probably. After we figure this whole thing out, I'll make my way back out there."

Natalya watched his face closely, wondering if he was disappointed or relieved. His face gave no indication of either, and instead he poured himself a cup of caffa. He looked up from the steaming mug to meet her eyes, and it was then that she saw the complete emptiness in them. They were dark and bloodshot, and perhaps a little frightening.

"Are you okay?" She asked him.

His eyes turned even darker before he answered, "Yeah, I just didn't get much sleep last night."

"Looks like you didn't get any," Revan said with a small laugh.

He shot her a glare, giving Natalya the impression that he hadn't, in fact, slept at all. Her mind wandered to the possibility of him doing it for Revan's sake, that if he stayed up they wouldn't have to share any painful memories, but she let that train of thought go. She was finally feeling as though she were in a good place, she didn't need the guilt of coming between them to bring her down. Sure it was selfish, but there weren't many times in her life when she thought of herself first.

"You know, I can help T3 watch the console, you should take one of the dorms and get some good sleep," Natalya offered, biting back the guilt that was nagging at her.

He nodded as he lowered his mug of caffa, "Sounds great to me, but don't let me sleep for more than a couple of hours, we should be arriving at Dantooine soon."

Both women nodded and he set down his cup of caffa, lifting his weary body and heading towards the starboard dormitory. Natalya smiled sympathetically at Revan, who understood exactly what it meant.

After telling T3 to monitor the console, Natalya rejoined Revan in the main hold. Instead of continuing the heavy conversation that they had carried on earlier, they fell into a light chatter that eased both of their troubled minds. Natalya hadn't even realized how much she missed her friend, and it felt good to know that she wasn't out to get her or try anything with Atton. It made Natalya feel comfortable around her again, and she hadn't noticed how much she needed that.

Revan gave her a knowing look every so often, though now Natalya hadn't minded as much. She could see the pain in her eyes whenever she looked off into the distance, and it made her realize that they weren't as different as she had originally thought. She knew Revan was probably going through what she went through with Malak, and though once more she hated to admit it, it felt good. It felt like some sort of justice had come to her deadened relationship with him, and that she got what she deserved.

But Revan didn't deserve pain. Sure she had caused a lot of it, but that didn't mean she deserved it. Or maybe she did, Natalya couldn't be sure. Her mind was preoccupied with the nagging guilt of getting what she wanted. She wanted Revan to back down, to give up whatever she was pursuing with Atton, but it didn't give her any peace of mind.

Maybe she would find the peace that she needed when Revan left, maybe after they sorted all this out she would finally find her happiness with Atton. There were too many maybe's in her life, but she had accepted that long ago. There were no guarantees, and hope was usually the one thing she had left. It had gotten her this far, so she had to keep going.


	32. Chapter 32

Atton stood alone on the loading ramp, staring out at the industrial walls of Khoonda. More than anything he wished he had a cigarra, if only to reduce the amount of anxiety creeping up the back of his neck. He scratched at it idly, his eyes fixed on the smooth concrete wall. If he didn't know what was behind it, he never would have guessed he was on Dantooine.

He longed to see the plains behind it, but couldn't bring himself to move or follow the now distant figures of Revan and Natalya. They had certainly been getting along better, but he still didn't trust himself to be with them just yet. Of course he played it casual when he was around them, but that didn't stop the constant jitters he had inside.

He brought his eyes from the concrete to the outline of the two women walking together. Revan's figure was much leaner and slightly taller, but Natalya's was cute and compact as it was. He remembered when he first fell for her, he had memorized everything about her and it all seemed so wonderful. Then she left and Revan came back and everything became skewed. He didn't want to leave the _Ebon Hawk_, he didn't want to walk the plains of Dantooine, or see Administrator Adare or the fracking Jedi Council.

It was almost as if Dantooine was the final piece to the puzzle. As if he were to step out, to see Dantooine again for what it was instead of what he went through last time, he would finally realize how much he moved on, how different they all were, how much had changed. He wasn't ready for it, but he knew he had to. And so he took a step, and another, and soon he was walking in the same direction as the two women. He passed the corner, and the sight of Khoonda came into view.

It was beautiful, if he was going to sappy about it. They had gotten in before nightfall, though the distant sun was now setting. It lit the tops of the blba trees as the shadows shrouded the grassy plains. Khoonda was half lit as well, the roof still glimmering while the rest succumbed to the darkness. Natalya and Revan had waited for him and together they started the walk to the rebuilt Enclave. He didn't know what to expect, other than the fact that the Order had taken up residence there. The last time he had been there Natalya had been completely knocked out and the old Jedi masters were dead.

He shook the thoughts from his mind as they walked in the sweet quiet of Dantooine. The breeze was slightly cooler at night, and he could see the goosebumps rising up his arms. Revan brushed hers lightly in an attempt to warm up, and he had to stop himself from wrapping an arm around her. He glanced over at Natalya, who looked as happy as he had seen her in weeks. He wondered why. Nothing had improved, the distance between them was almost palpable. Maybe not palpable, but still just...there.

It was too late to meet with the Council, so when they arrived at the Enclave they were given rooms. Revan and Natalya seemed to give each other knowing looks before entering each of their rooms, but Atton couldn't be sure what it was. Probably something to do with their shared childhood here. He went to his own room, unlocking it and noticed how small the beds were. He assumed that it must have been a Padawan's room at one point, but he didn't think they would be _that_ small.

He was tired from travelling and staying up for hours, so he kicked off his boots and immediately got into the bed, needing to curl up a bit to fit comfortably. His eyes closed and he immediately felt the pull of sleep at his consciousness.

_She was sitting outside the Enclave. Her shoulders were shrugged as her arms supported her from behind. She was waiting for something...someone. She sat up quickly, the sight of a familiar body shape coming into her sight. He was tall, too tall for a Jedi, but it gave him the strength to surpass all opponents, even her. Her face was excited as he came closer and he stopped as she grabbed at his arm. _

"_Let's _go_, I've been waiting forever!" She said, though her voice was excited. _

_He sighed as he went along with her, "Well sorry, not all of us can skip out on our lessons."_

"_It's worth it, I promise."_

_They walked together in the comfortable silence that can only be obtained by years of friendship. His hand brushed against hers several times, though they only looked at each other with a certain embarrassment of innocence. They walked through the plains, making their way carefully through the tall grass, watching for any rogue kath hounds. _

"_What do you think it is?" He asked as they finally arrived at their destination. The large stone temple loomed large before them, several stones scattering the plain around them. _

"_I don't know, but I intend to find out."_

"_What?" He asked with a certain incredulousness that made it clear he would still go with her even if didn't like it. _

"_Come on," she said as she stood in front of the door, raising a hand to open it. She closed her eyes as she channeled the Force, but his voice broke her concentration. _

"_Wait...Do you really think we should be doing this _now?" _He asked quickly, "You know, maybe we should come back later."_

_She rolled her eyes at him, "We both know we won't. It's now or never, Mal. Don't be a baby."_

_His eyes turned cold for a moment, "I really don't think we should be doing this now, I'm not scared...it just doesn't feel right."_

"_And when will be the right time?"_

_He sighed, "I don't know Rev, the Mandalorians are taking more systems every day, we shouldn't be fooling around with this when there's much more important things going on out there."_

"_You know how I feel about the Mandalorians," she said darkly, "I thought this would be a nice...distraction."_

"_You honestly can't think of any other distractions?" He said with a smile as he finally took her hand, bringing it to his lips. _

_But it all turned black, and there was a scream. A battlecry or a shriek, but clearly Revan's voice. _

_Malak lay dead on the floor of the Star Forge. Her fingers were wound tightly in the fabric of his red armor. She was yelling into his chest, her cries unintelligible through the tears and noise outside. But the sound, the sure sound of her anguish, of her trauma was clear. Her lightsaber rolled away as she continued to loosen and tighten her grip on his chest, still crying into his deadened chest. _

_A sudden explosion and she was knocked back. As her vision came to, she could no longer see him and being who she was, she left it all behind. Her footsteps sure as she walked away from the Star Forge and all traces of the Dark Lord Revan. _

Atton awoke with a start, cursing himself for falling asleep without thinking. He tried to still his breathing as his chest heaved heavily and his eyes adjusted to the darkness surrounding him. He shifted in the small bed, sitting up with some effort. He felt a tug within him, and decided to follow it. Taking a deep breath, he snuck over to the lock and opened it quietly, sneaking out into the quiet hall of the Enclave. If he remembered correctly there was a door somewhere nearby, and found he only had to follow the searing feeling inside as he located it.

He broke free from the Enclave, following the a well worn path as the feeling burned further within him. He soon realized what it was as he saw the familiar shape of a woman sitting curled up on a rock overlooking the river.

* * *

Natalya hadn't been able to sleep at all. It was too strange to be back here, to be in the same rooms that her and many of her friends had lived in so many years ago. She rolled over at a consistent rate, and it wasn't long before she realized she probably wouldn't sleep at all. She went over to her door and unlocked it quietly, reminiscent of her younger days sneaking out. She didn't think she would get in any trouble this time around.

She walked the old hallways, taking in the sights that she hadn't seen in nearly a decade. The last time she had been here was too horrifying to even remember, and she didn't have a chance to look around the rebuilt parts of the Enclave. She was surprised at how much it resembled what she knew as a child.

She passed the training rooms that she had spent many hours in, sparring with master Kavar, Revan, and occasionally Malak. Though he never went easy on her and she usually ended up with more than a few bruises. She entered the Council chamber, expecting it to be empty, but was surprised at the sight of a familiar outline sitting in one of the Council seat's.

"I heard you had arrived here," He said quietly.

Her eyes watched him carefully, "We landed just a few hours ago. Am I interrupting?" She asked, pointing towards the door.

"Don't worry about it," he said, though she could see the concern on his gentle face.

She drew closer, taking the seat next to him, "What's wrong Mical?"

He sighed, his breath echoing on her face as his eyes gazed off into the nothingness of unfocused. "They offered me a seat on the Council."

Natalya's eyebrows quirked upwards as he turned his attention to her, "And you're not happy about that?" She asked kindly.

He shook his head, "I don't know if I can do it."

"Why?"

"I just...can't accept knowing how I feel about you, Natalya."

She swallowed hard, "What?"

"I'm sorry to spring this on you, but surely you must have been aware. You shouldn't be with Atton, you should be with someone who cherishes you, who sees your worth...someone like me. I can't take that seat on the Council if I'm in love with you."

"Mical," she said upon standing. She paced for a few moments, ever aware of the way he was watching her, "If you want what's best, what's right...you'll forget me. Forget everything about me, these feelings, you're better off without them. You're better off on the Council, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded, "Love isn't worth giving up your place as a Jedi."

She stood before him, feeling as bare as she had ever felt in her entire life. He looked upon her with a certainty that she knew he was making the right decision, "If that is what you wish...if that is truly what is best, then I guess I'll do it."

"Good."

A silence fell upon them and the air between them grew thick and awkward. She half turned towards the entrance, feeling the weight of all the Jedi upon her, "I'm going to go...goodnight Mical."

He nodded, mumbling a small apology as she left. She ignored it as her purposeful strides took her out into the empty plains. Her legs took her as far as she could until she grew too tired to walk any further. She could no longer hold back the thoughts that were pounding at the barricades within her mind.

She settled herself onto the grass, pulling her knees to her chest and letting out loud cries as the tears came streaming down her face. She allowed herself to choke and sob as realization came over her, knowing exactly what she had to do. Her breath soon stilled as she lay back, her hands resting on her stomach. She gazed into the distant stars, wondering which she had been on and which she hadn't. It was a simple trick that eased the stresses she carried when she was a child on Dantooine.

But the thoughts soon came back, however this time they brought a certain peace instead of a heavy sadness. Carth had told her he had developed feelings for her, Mical as well. They were both sweet, kind, and caring men, everything that she thought she wanted, that she needed. But she realized then that it wasn't what she wanted. Atton wasn't what she wanted, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself so.

She was a Jedi, above all else, and Jedi weren't supposed to love. Mical wasn't supposed to love. All she wanted in life was to be a Jedi, to serve the Republic and those around her. She didn't want to be entangled in any of this drama. Or hold on to a dead relationship that showed her not only the passion and excitement that love can bring, but the devastation and loss it carries as well. She didn't need it, she needed the Force and her lightsaber. She had to follow her own destiny, not intertwine it with anyone else's.

She smiled as she looked up into the stars, reaching her hands up to trace her fingers along the familiar shapes that they created. One of her childhood dreams was to have a Padawan of her own, to be a Master and teach the future generations of Jedi. She never expected to have five at the same time, that wasn't what she had ever wanted. She wanted to have something for herself, to follow what she was supposed to do. Holding on to Atton was wrong, and she found a certain peace with letting go.

She was a Jedi. First and foremost that was what she was, and soon everything in her mind paled in comparison. This was who she was.

* * *

He could hear her cries before she even noticed he was there. Her dark hair fell carelessly over her shoulders, but soon moved quickly as she turned her head to see him. Her big eyes blinked quickly as she brought a hand up to rub at them, "Sorry," she said quietly.

"Hey don't worry about it, ," he said, taking a seat next to her, "That was a...difficult thing to see."

Her eyebrows creased in a sudden pain and her lip quivered slightly, "Atton, I just don't know what to do anymore."

The statement shook him slightly, and stirred a feeling inside that he hadn't been aware of before. She had always known what to do, he always looked up to her. She was Revan. It was her duty to know what was going on and have a tactical plan about what to do. But seeing her so broken broke him, and he reached out and brought her in for a warm embrace.

Her skin was warm in comparison to the cool night, and he nuzzled his face in the hollow between her neck and shoulder. She hesitated to bring her arms around him, but soon they snaked around his sides, and he could feel the her energy sparking within his chest. Losing himself, he pursed his lips, brushing them against the sensitive skin along her collarbone.

He could hear her sharp intake of breath, and brought his lips higher on her neck, full on pressing them against her in a soft kiss. He traced them higher, intensifying each kiss until he reached her jawline, where he nipped at the skin. She made a soft noise as her hands came up and traced the back of his hair. His heart raced as each kiss brought him closer to her lips.

He took a moment and looked into her eyes, trying not to think but some logical part of his mind trying to tell him he wasn't supposed to be here. Revan's eyes seemed to glow in the hazy darkness that surrounded them, and he could feel her warm, soft breath against his lips.

"I need you," she whispered gently. He could only stare at her before he wrenched himself out of her embrace. She looked up at him with a sadness, appearing as though she expected that reaction. He looked at her with a regret, not only for what had been done, but also for what could have been.

"I can't do this, Rev," he said as he backed away, fumbling his hands into his pockets. She only nodded, turning her attention back to the river.

She cast him a sideways glance as he started to back away further, turning into a full on run as he made his way back to the Enclave. He stopped before entering, closing his eyes as his chest heaved. He tried to stop any logical thought, stop thinking about anything and everything. As hard as he tried, he couldn't push the truth from his mind.

He needed her too.


	33. Chapter 33

Atton berated himself through the night. Sleep wasn't an option as his mind raced through every scenario it could possibly come up with. Thoughts came and went throughout, and eventually his tired mind gave up and he realized he needed to talk to Natalya. It wasn't fair to her, it wasn't fair to anyone. He desperately needed to get this sorted out if he were ever to sleep again. At the first sign of the sun, he rose and stretched out his cramped limbs. He pulled on his ribbed jacket and left his room.

He was surprised to see stray Jedi roaming about. He thought it was much too early, but he realized then that it made sense for the Jedi to be early risers. He had hoped maybe Natalya had had the same trouble sleeping and would be among the surrounding Jedi, but she wasn't. He took it as another sign that they weren't on the same page, as his mind continued to make its decision. A final, firm decision.

He removed himself from the Enclave, needing to calm his mind. No better place to do so than Dantooine, he figured. He followed the same path he had taken the night before, and all the scenery looked so different. Even the rock on which he pulled Revan close, on which he had almost let everything go. It looked entirely different, and in a strange way it made him very sad. A small section of his mind regretted not taking things further with Revan, he had come close and longed to do so, but it wasn't fair to Natalya. He hated that it came down to this, but he couldn't remain in the middle any longer.

He heaved his weight up onto the rock and watched the sun rise as the river before him continued it's soothing hum. It was some time before he heard the soft noise of footsteps approach him from behind. He turned his head to see Natalya, and though she looked apprehensive, there was a different energy about her.

"Hey," she said quietly, coming even closer.

He immediately removed himself from the rock, unwilling to have a serious conversation with Natalya where he had kissed Revan merely a few hours earlier, "Let's walk," he said in an equally quiet voice. As though she sensed what was about to happen, her lips turned down slightly, though she nodded.

They walked in step for a few moments, letting the peaceful energy of Dantooine flow between them while they both gathered their thoughts. As he gathered his thoughts and finally found the words, he opened his mouth to speak. His voice, however, refused to make a noise, and as though Natalya knew his difficulties, she opted to speak instead.

"How are you?" She asked.

He clicked his teeth together in a thoughtful moment, considering whether or not to tell her about last night. He figured at the moment it was best to leave it alone and keep up the small talk, "I'm alright, you?"

She glanced at him once, then twice and he noticed the second time that a sheen of tears was forming in her green eyes.

"I can't do this anymore, Atton," she said in such a quiet voice he wasn't sure he had heard her correctly.

"What?" He asked, slightly incredulously. Though it was exactly what he needed to hear, it still caught him off guard. And truthfully, it slightly put him off.

"This," she said, waving her hands in a circular motion, as though it would explain anything. "You know what I'm talking about."

He nodded, "I do, just...why?" He tried to keep his voice at a reasonable level. This was what he wanted, what he needed to hear, and yet it hurt coming from her. He had assumed that he would be the one to break things off, he hadn't expected her to be done with him.

As he looked over at her, he could tell she was trying to keep her face in control, "I've been searching for answers, I think it's been pretty obvious we haven't been happy as we are, and I don't know...I've just needed some sort of answer, and I'm pretty certain that I found it last night."

"What was it? Well— I mean if you want to tell me...you don't have to."

She smiled, though it was more to herself. Her face turned towards him and he could see the difference in her eyes, "I'm going to stay here on Dantooine with the Order. I'm just a Jedi, and this is where I want to be." His spirit soothed as he realized she wasn't leaving him for another man, or just in general didn't want to be his anymore. Not that it should've mattered to him, when he was doing exactly that to her.

"I'm happy for you, Nat," he said as his lips twisted into a smile. That familiar energy that she so often radiated had returned, it was that energy that initially drew him to her, it surrounded her completely and it was hard not to feel it's infectious glow. He gave her shoulder a soft squeeze, and it immediately stole a small chunk of the energy as her eyes darkened slightly.

"I just don't want to say goodbye," she said sadly. The look that she gave him then completely shattered his defenses. It would have been easy to accept her breaking up with him, to understand that this was her choice and what she needed. It would have been so easy for him to leave, to say goodbye and move on. But she was still heartbroken about leaving him, and it shouldn't have been so. She needed to know that she was above him, that he never deserved her. While she had been discovering who she was and was heartbroken about leaving him, he was indulging in a rather sensual moment with Revan.

"Natalya, if there's one thing I could ask of you, it's to not be upset about saying goodbye. You deserve more."

She sighed a shaky sigh, "You say that so often, Atton, you just don't realize your worth. You've meant so much to me, and you've always—"

"No," he cut her off, shaking his head, "Last night I was with Revan."

Her eyes drew in something fierce and looked at him in confusion, "What?"

"I mean, nothing serious happened...but—"

"Nothing serious happened?" She asked incredulously, "Then what did happen?"

Atton let out a heavy sigh as he glanced awkwardly around them. Though the plains were empty, he felt exposed, "Natalya, please."

She shook her head, "No Atton, since you seem to be so intent on losing my respect, go ahead and tell me."

"It's just...it's not like that. I had no intention of getting involved with Revan, it just happened. I couldn't sleep last night," he said as he ran a nervous hand through his hair, "And she was there...we kissed, and I swear that's all that happened."

"Atton it doesn't matter how far you went, we were still together last night! You didn't know I intended to end things between us."

"I know," he said with a struggled voice, "And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

She clenched and unclenched her jaw for several jarring moments. He watched her carefully as seemingly every emotion passed over her face, "You know, Atton, I never asked anything from you, I know who you are and your past. I just expected you to be honest enough to tell me that you love her more than you love me."

The confliction in her eyes chipped away at his defenses, it made him more than anything want to comfort her, but he knew at this point there wasn't much he could do. "Natalya, I hardly knew it myself. I had every intention of ending things between us before you did."

She nodded slowly, "Alright...so we're done."

He inhaled deeply, trying to take in the magnitude of her statement. On his exhale, he muttered a lame, "Yeah."

Her face broke into a defeated smile, "I guess I'll see you around, then."

He nodded as she acknowledged him, and then she turned away, heading back towards the Enclave. He watched her small form leave, and for a moment he was unsure whether or not to move forward as he wanted to. He decided to go ahead and followed after her, calling her name as he caught up to her.

"What is it?" She asked, turning and regarding him once more.

"You know I can't keep this," he said as he reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out a piece of paper that had been there for far too long. Her eyes quirked as she caught sight of it, and her eyes met his with a sadness that wasn't entirely unexpected.

He held out for the paper for her to take, and she reached out and took it from him. Unfolding it, they both looked down at her neat writing, and she read aloud.

"_Atton, I never expected one such as you to draw me in as much as you have. Understand that it is with a heavy heart that I'm leaving, and if it wasn't where my path leads I promise I wouldn't be leaving at all. Kreia said Revan needs me, and I need to answer that call alone. The galaxy will always need her, and I think it's always been my role in life to support her. Wherever this new path takes me, I know it cannot take you. I will always love you, there's just places in the galaxy that your love cannot be taken. I can't risk losing you, I need you to be there, to lead on with the rest of them. They'll be there for you, they'll understand. I promise. _

_I'm leaving the _Ebon Hawk _with Carth, and though I hate to do it, it is only your tenacity that made me make him promise not to allow you near it. He cares more than you think, and I'm sure he'll support you as long as you let him. You can do this, Atton. You can thrive without me, you are strong in the Force and you will make a powerful Jedi. Just don't give up._

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

_I don't want to leave, no, more than anything I wish I could stay. But I must answer Revan's call. So it is with a kiss I seal this letter, and with a kiss I say goodbye._

_Natalya."_

She looked up at him, and he noticed then that the tears were freely falling. Her breath shook as she spoke, but the words came out sure, "I remember the moment I wrote this," she said as she ran her fingers along the well worn edges of the paper.

He nodded, "I remember the moment I first read it."

"I'm sorry," she whispered hoarsely, turning her eyes up to him. He looked back down at her with a soft smile, and wrapped his arms around her.

He held her tightly for a moment before he let her go, looking intently into her eyes, "Don't be. What's been done has lead us to this moment, and this is where we're supposed to be."

She nodded as she wiped at her red, puffy eyes, handing the paper back to him.

Atton didn't accept it, he only shook his head, "Keep it...that message isn't for me anymore."

Her tears began anew as she pulled the paper back into her palm, "I really do want you to be happy, Atton, even if it's not with me."

He felt a tug in his chest, but swallowed it quickly and threw on a lopsided smile, "Ditto."

She rolled her eyes in jest as she pocketed the paper and crossed her arms tightly over her chest. She gave him a curt nod, and he returned it before she turned her back to him once more, heading off towards the Enclave.

The smile on his face lingered even after she left, and though he realized he still needed to have another conversation with Revan, he hoped that this one would be a lot easier.

He just had to find her first, and hope she still felt the same about him.


	34. Chapter 34

After waiting several minutes outside of Revan's door, he had concluded that she was not inside. He had the fleeting feeling of needing to find her and tell her as quickly as he could, for his window of opportunity would not last for long. He caught sight of Natalya in the hallway and immediately felt ashamed, it had not been twenty minutes since they spoke, and he was already looking for Revan, already moving on. They avoided eye contact, though he was sure she knew what was going on.

He started his walk down one of the corridors of the Enclave, meandering aimlessly as he tried to think of where she could be. It had been a while since he had awoken, he didn't even realize how long he had waited on the rock before Natalya showed up, and even then they talked for a while.

"Atton Rand?"

He turned his head at the voice, his mind far elsewhere as he remembered the events of that morning, all the way back to when Revan was in his arms. His eyes fell upon the short woman before him, her brown hair twisted into loose pigtails. He recognized her, though the name escaped him at the moment.

"That would be me," he said, though he was too tired to put on an act for the woman. His voice sounded weak, and it reflected how he felt within.

She gave him a sad smile, "Revan said you should be around here, she sends her apologies that she couldn't say goodbye."

"What?"

The woman looked confused, though her smooth features handled it well, "She was at Khoonda this morning, she's preparing to go back to her base of Operations on the Outer Rim."

He could've sworn that the woman wasn't really saying the words, they twisted and mashed together in an incoherent mess, "Has she left yet?"

"She, uh, she found a pilot and they were preparing his ship when I left them."

"Found a pilot—" he exhaled, then turned his eyes back to her, "Thanks...uh"

Her face echoed a smile, and he had the feeling that is was as close as she would ever come to smiling, "Bastila."

Of course it was Bastila, he knew she was here, and of course she would be the one to say goodbye to Revan. His stomach turned as he consider the fact that she might be gone.

"Thanks Bastila."

She nodded and he left her, not willing to waste a single second longer. He pushed open the door to the plains of Dantooine, his rushed steps clanking heavily on the pavement before he hit grass. Khoonda wasn't too far of a walk, perhaps he could get there before they took off.

He couldn't figure out why she had to leave, and do so without telling him. Did the night before affect her more than he thought? Did she blame herself for his actions? She shouldn't've, and at the least he could have flown her wherever she was going, not that he would let her leave. Just when he finally had things figured out in his mind, real life had to go on being complicated and ruin every one of his plans.

It was his own fault for getting involved with her before he had broken things off with Natalya. Maybe if he had been more decisive, if he had realized how strongly he did feel for her, he could have acted upon his feelings. He could have told her everything, and she wouldn't be gone, wherever she was going. He could've stopped all of this if he hadn't been such a coward.

Khoonda soon came into view, and he sucked in his breath in anxiousness. He hoped to the Force that she hadn't left yet, but his mind made a solid decision to find her no matter what. If she were on Dantooine or the Outer Rim, he would find her and tell her how he felt.

He trudged his way through the docks, passing by the _Ebon Hawk_ and other ships he didn't recognize. He looked around for the familiar features of Revan, her thin arms, her long dark hair, or even the familiar shape of her robes, but she was nowhere to be seen. He blinked as a drop of rain flecked his cheek, causing him to turn his attention towards the sky, where clouds loomed ominously above him. He hadn't even noticed.

The threat of rain drew him indoors, where he was naturally inclined to the cantina. He sat down at the bar, and raised his hand for whatever was on tap, he needed it.

His drink came shortly, and he heard a loud crack of thunder from outdoors. He lifted the drink to his lips, letting the bittersweet taste brush against them. His eyes remained unfocused on the array of the less expensive bottles before him, arranged neatly as if it would make them more appealing to the patrons of the bar. He clicked his thumb and forefinger on the bar counter, feeling as though he had completely missed her, that she must have been long gone by that point. If not for the rain, he would've left. However, his heart seemed to drop into his stomach as a familiar outline came into his peripheral vision.

"You know, the first time I saw you in a bar I did not expect things to go down the way they did."

He turned his eyes to Revan, who sat down on the stool next to him. He couldn't help the smile creeping at the edge of his lips, "I can't say that I did, either," he paused for a small sigh, "You're still here."

She gave him a grim smile, "Yeah, we were going to wait out the storm, but I don't think I'm ready to go quite just yet."

Her eyes were sad as she turned her head towards the door. His eyes followed the direction of hers, more towards the windows, which displayed perfectly the rain now coming down in sheets, drumming loudly as it pounded the pavement.

He reached over and pulled her tiny wrist into his hand, thumbing the delicate bone lightly. Her eyes flashed back towards his, searching them as her breathing seemed to still.

"You got another pilot?" He asked with a lopsided grin, breaking the serious moment.

She broke into a smile as well, the gleam in her eyes changing quickly, "Well my last one crashed on Lianna and stranded us for _days_."

"Hey! He also managed to save your life on Ziost, and bring you here without incident," he said, though his eyes were focused on her wrist in his hand. Her skin was soft and nearly addictive as he continued to run his thumb over it.

She narrowed her eyes at him, "True enough."

He shifted in his seat so he was facing her, pulling on her wrist slightly for her to do the same. He took her other hand and looked into her eyes, hers wavering as their knees touched and he continued his soft caresses, though along her thin fingers. "Remember Lianna?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

She nodded solemnly, "Yes."

"The way you kicked my ass."

"Yes," she said, her features twisting into a mischievous smile.

"The way we got drunk."

Her smile fell slowly, and her eyes turned wistful as the memory seemed to play in her mind, "Yes," she said at last.

He leaned forward, pulling her elbows into his palms and consequently her closer, "The way you healed my arm."

"Yes," she said, her voice much quieter.

"The way we shared a bed," he said, his face close enough to feel her warm breath on his lips. Her breath stilled, however, as he said the words, and her eyes turned up towards his, searching for some sort of answer.

"Yes," was all she said, her voice struggled and came out in a soft whisper. He pulled her in then, his lips matching hers as the rest of the cantina disappeared around them. He felt a hand on his chest, and she pulled back slightly, shaking her head.

"We can't," she said, though her eyes said otherwise.

He smiled then, a genuine smile that hadn't been known to him in a while, "We can," he said with a slight nod as he brought his right hand to her cheek, brushing the bone lightly as her mind sorted through his words.

"What? When?"

Her confusion was too cute for him, and he brought his left hand to the other side of her face, kissing her lightly. When he pulled back and made eye contact once more, he couldn't help himself and leaned in for another kiss.

He pulled away once more, finally willing to explain it to her, "After last night I realized I wasn't being fair to Natalya, to stay with her when I had such strong feelings for you."

The realization seemed to take it's time to dawn on her, but her lips broke in a smile, "Really?"

"Yes, really," he said with a smile, but this time she leaned up and kissed him.

Her smile seemed unbreakable as her delicate fingers played with the ribbing in his jacket, "Is she okay?"

"She actually broke up with me first."

Revan tilted her head, her eyebrows raising in question, "Why?"

"She just didn't want this anymore," he said with a shrug, "She decided to stay with the Jedi Order and continue what she started so many years ago."

"I'm happy for her," she said quickly, as though she didn't want him to consider Natalya anymore. "You know," she began, "We're really lousy Jedi."

He broke into a small bout of laughter, "Yes we are."

"But it's who we are," she said, her hands coming back to meet his. She stood, pulling his arms with her. He stood as well, following her towards the door. She let go of one hand as the other reached to open it for them. He shot her a look of concern as she led them into the pouring rain.

It was awful, at first. The rain soaked right through their clothes, seemingly straight to the bone. But soon the pelting rain awakened everything within him, the excitement overcame him and he laughed as though he had never laughed before. They whooped and yelled with exhilaration as their footsteps quickened as they headed towards the empty plains. They both broke out into a run as the muddied ground squished with each footstep, slinging mud and grass into the air behind them. She caught his eyes more than once, and each time gave him that smile that had become so dear to him. The air was thick and the fresh smell of rain filled his senses, creating a sensory high and the world seemed perfect around him.

They slowed their pace, chests heaving heavy breaths, as they linked arms. Silence hung between them, though it was the kind of quiet that meant nothing needed to be said, that everything was known, was perfect to them. He wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

It wasn't until the rained died down that they finally sat down, completely aware of how dirty their clothes were. But they didn't care, they knew they had each other, and that in the quiet they were the only people on each other's minds. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and he could feel the coolness of her skin. Moving to snake an arm around her, he pulled her close, basking in her warmth as well.

They sat in the quiet for a long while, until she broke free and leaned back so she was pressed fully against the ground. He did the same, looking up into the still cloudy sky. His eyes felt heavy as he realized he hadn't had any proper sleep since the _Ebon Hawk_. She turned her head towards him, and it drew his towards hers as well. He reached out an arm and wrapped it around her waist, pulling her body as close as he could, the weariness finally overcoming him. He could feel her eyes close against his cheek, and soon he heard her breathing become steady and soft. A soft smile overcame him as his own eyes closed.

And soon he was plagued not by dreams, but by the wondrous sleep he had long desired.

THE END


End file.
